


Switch

by Dragons_Arent_Lost



Category: Onward (2020)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brother/Brother Incest, M/M, Personality Swap, Roughness, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:00:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 68,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27567145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragons_Arent_Lost/pseuds/Dragons_Arent_Lost
Summary: One moment everything's alright in the lightfoot household. Laurel takes care of her sons, Ian focuses on growing as a person, and Barley's there to help him every step of the way. But, there are these brief moments in time when Barley surprisingly does the opposite and not only does Ian not know how to make it stop, but he also doesn't think Barley's aware of it...
Relationships: Barley Lightfoot/Ian Lightfoot
Comments: 30
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this ones a little different from my other stories. Still I hope you enjoy it as something to read.

He couldn't move. He _wouldn't_ move. His legs shook as he clung to himself as if he were going to fall off the face of the earth, even though he only sat at the kitchen table. The table where he ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner at with his family, the same table he's laughed at and made constant loving memories; the table he was at one point so sure nothing could ever go wrong at.   
But now as he sat at his family's table that he'd surely never be able to look at the same again, there was only one question running through Ian's mind.

"What did I do?"

  
The day had been just like any other. Ian decided to sleep in since it was a Saturday and he had no true task to complete. When he finally decided to get out of bed it was only half past eleven and that was late enough for him. With a smile on his face, he made his way out of his room, down the steps, and towards his kitchen for his late breakfast. Right before he could enter, a bedroom door flew open and a much larger elf stepped out. 

"Ian!" Barley greeted his younger brother and didn't think twice before grabbing and pulling him in for a hug. This one was tight, and as manhandling Barley could be Ian's smile widened.   
"Hey Barley," Ian chuckled and didn't bother fighting the grip his brother had on him, though he was verbal about it. "You're too big to be holding me like that, you'll crush me! That or I'll die from your smell."  
"Hey!" Barley pouted. "I don't smell that bad."  
"So you admit you smell though." Ian shook his head. "You're gross."   
"Oh please, you love it." Barley gave Ian one last squeeze before releasing him. "If you're making breakfast could you make me toast with peanut butter? I'll go shower in return, ok? Thanks!" 

Before Ian could agree or protest, Barley had closed his bedroom door once more with him in it. Ian, being the sweetheart he was, made his way to the kitchen and fixed himself cereal and at the same time made Barley his toast with peanut butter spread. He mapped it out perfectly too exactly when to toast the bread, seeing how he basically unconsciously had a memory of how long Barley's showers were. The younger elf was half way through his cereal when Barley finally emerged into the kitchen. Ian pushed Barley's plate of toast to him and chuckled when the grown man cheered with glee. 

"You're the best." He said as he took a seat right next to Ian.   
"I know," Ian replied. "So what're you doing today?"  
"Eh, I don't know." Barley said before stuffing a whole slice of toast in his mouth. "One of my friends wanted me to go with him to look at cars. He says I have an eye for picking out real gems or something."   
"That sounds cool, but why do you sound like you're not interested?"   
Barley stayed silent as he thought for a moment. He looked to Ian and there was a little spark in his eye. A spark Ian has gotten to know well enough to know it always had something to do with him. He tilted his head as his older brother and grinned.  
"What is it?" Ian asked coolly.  
"Well, what are _you_ doing today?" Barley asked.   
Ian shrugged. "I wasn't really gonna do too much of anything. Maybe watch tv, practice magic, and watch more tv."   
"Well, looks like I won't be doing much of anything today either. I'll be watching tv, watching _you_ practice magic, and then watch more tv." Barley said. "And maybe wrestle you to the ground a couple times."   
Ian scoffed. "You don't have to stay home with me Barley, I'll be fine on my own. Why do you insist on still babying me?"  
"This has nothing to do with babying you, I simply just want to spend the weekend with my little bro. Is that too much to ask for?"  
Ian gave Barley a look. "Wait so you're not gonna go with your friend?"   
"Nope."   
"...Because you want to stay, with me?"  
"Yup!"   
Ian snorted. "You're weird." 

Barley held up with arms and shrugged, making Ian laugh. He always had a way of doing that with very little effort. For as long as Ian could remember, that how it was between the brothers. Barley taught him, trained him, messed with him, comforted him, and did whatever he needed to in order to make sure Ian was secure. For Ian it meant the world to have someone so caring, daring, adventurous, crazy, and all around loving by his side almost all the time. He was sure he could never fully pay forward the kindness Barley had shown him over the years. 

It showed how bad Barley wanted Ian to be happy. No one, and literally no one was oblivious to it. There were times Barley would go above and beyond for his younger brother. He couldn't tell you how many times he's heard Barley tell him he'd do anything for him and when he said _anything_ , Ian completely believed him but he never thought about taking advantage of such a thing. Ian's had his friends tell him how lucky he was to have Barley as well as random strangers who would witness some kind gesture Barley did for him. A lot of the time, the strangers naturally assumed Barley was Ian's boyfriend, and it was always Ian to make it clear that the two weren't dating. 

But because of that fact, Ian sometimes wondered if Barley was ever **too** good to him. 

Of course he was ever so grateful for everything Barley would do for him, but when Ian looked at his friends siblings they weren't as super close like Barley and he. Their siblings didn't exactly show the same kind of protective, kind of possessive love for one another like Barley did. He's never seen any of Sadalia's brothers squeeze her like they don't want to let go or kiss her on her cheek as she came or went, which was something Barley did without hesitation.   
Barley also seemed to dislike when other guys got too close to him. Ever since he opened up to him about his sexual preference, Barley seemed to be much more on edge when it came to potential dating choices for Ian. There was one time when Barley basically threatened a guy without even saying a word. Ian knew the older elf didn't think he saw, but from the corner of his eye, he couldn't look away at how deadly Barley's demeanor became and how his eyes looked like the devils himself. As strange as it was, what really confused Ian was when the guy had took off, Barley looked back at Ian with his usual happy adventurous gaze, as if nothing had happened. 

Secretly, Ian did speak with their mother about the matter. He didn't know if that was something normal or not and he just wanted to see if that was something he should've expected or not. Apparently in his mothers eyes, it wasn't that big of a deal.   
"That's just Barley being overprotective," She said sweetly. "He just wants to make sure your first love isn't someone who would ever dare to hurt you."   
"And...you're sure?" Ian asked her.   
"Yeah, most siblings do it. He was just trying to scare the guy; letting him know he'll rough him up if he gets any ideas." Laurel laughed.   
"Right, right." Ian said though he still felt a little unsure. 

Of course, Ian knew Barley wanted to just be the best brother he could and he really wanted him to know that he was. But once in a blue, his mind wondered back to why Barley never corrected strangers, and why he didn't only threaten, but also scared off every guy that got too close to him. 

Ian tried not to think too much into that stuff. One thing he learned about himself was that no good came from overthinking things. It only caused him to feel anxious and his stress levels would go up, distracting him from everything else. For now, he focused on his time with Barley. As planned they watch tv together for a couple hours. Ian got to choose most of the channels because he won in rock paper scissor battles. He laughed whenever Barley grumbled about how good he was at that game.   
"You can't be good at it Barley, it's a game of luck." He told him, even though he really did have a strategy, which was memorizing all of Barley typical move sets. A secret he'd never share with him.  
Afterwards, they played with magic. Barley showed him a new spell that allowed him to turn things invisible for a limited amount of time. Once he got the hang of it, the first thing he did was aim at Barley and fired away. Surely his brother was out of sight, but not gone. As cool as it was, Ian had to spend twenty full minutes running and dodging an invisible elf who made it his mission to tackle him to the floor. 

Once they both were out of energy, they stuck to their plan of watching a second round of tv. This time Ian let Barley pick, knowing he was simply going to beat him at the hand game again. A very happy Barley thanked Ian with a wet kiss to his cheek, with Ian giggled at and faked a gag. The older elf found a movie that he enjoyed and he was thrilled to see it had basically just begun. As both of them got comfortable, their mother walked through the living room to inform them that she was going out to meet Colt, her boyfriend. Both boys faked a groaned but wished her a great date. Once she was gone, it was just them. 

Ian had settled into the couch next to his brother rather quickly. The movie Barley had picked wasn't his favorite genre but it was surprisingly decent. He didn't think much of it as he allowed his head to fall on Barley's shoulder. He assumed it was cool once Barley lifted his arm and wrapped it around him, making it an even more comfortable position. They stayed like that for about an hour and Ian was on the verge of falling asleep under his arm until he real thirsty. He sat up and made an attempt to get up but was stopped by Barley holding his shirt. 

"Where you going?" He asked, and Ian couldn't help but notice the concern in his eyes.   
He shook it off before smiling. "Just going to get water, I'll be right back."

A full three seconds went by before Barley released him and once again, Ian tried not to think about why it took so long. He simply gathered himself and headed straight for the kitchen. Once inside Ian didn't waste any time grabbing a cup from a cabinet and opening the fridge looking for a bottle of water. He actually wanted to get back to the movie before he missed anything big. Like mentioned before, it wasn't his favorite but he was content watching something that Barley liked.   
Apart of Ian was really glad Barley chose not to go out with his friend today. He figured his day of basically doing nothing would be boring, but of course Barley found a way to make it fun. It caused Ian to think that maybe he should stop questioning Barley's actions and just be in the moment with him. He'd surely have to talk about the threatening thing, but other than that Ian should be glad he has someone like him around. Like the older elf's told him countless times before, he'd do anything for him.

At least what he was in control of. 

Ian poured his water into his cup but froze when he suddenly felt weird, as if he was no longer alone. He turned around and felt relieved to see Barley standing in the doorway. "Hey! I told you I was coming right back, what happened?" Ian chuckled thinking Barley was just acting silly.   
There was no answer from the older elf. He simply stood there and Ian tilted his head at him, clearly confused with his silence. "Hey...Barley!" He tried again.   
Once again Barley remained silent, and Ian's smile slowly disappeared. He watched in silence for a moment before suddenly Barley began to move. 

The older elf slowly walked towards Ian, and as confused as he was, he immediately scanned Barley's face for answers. What made him, uncomfortable was that he couldn't find any. Barley wore no smile, his jaw was tight, and his hair did a bad job at hiding the cold look in his eyes. Ian's seen that look before, he knows he has. It reminded him of the face Barley gave that guy that practically ran away from them after Barley took one look at him. 

Only this one seemed worse, because it wasn't some random guy Barley was looking at. It was Ian.

"B-Barley?" Ian tried again and slowly backed up. "Barley, what's wrong?"  
Once again, Barley remained silent and Ian could hear his heartbeat in his ear with every step Barley took towards him. He continued to back up, until he hit the kitchen's table, where they sat together eating breakfast only a couple hours ago. "B-Barley what's going on?"   
Ian felt tiny the moment he was trapped in between the table and Barley. He looked up at his brother, waiting for him to say something; waiting for _anything_. Suddenly he got his wish, when Barley's arms lunged out and pulled him into a tight hug. Ian's heart felt as if it were going to jump out of his chest, but Barley's hug felt genuine and kind, so he tried to calm himself down. He took deep breaths and allowed his shaky hands to reach up to hold Barley back. He didn't understand what was going through his brothers mind, but he knew he was definitely going to ask once Barley released him and as a bonus he was going to make it very clear how terrifying this whole experience was.

But Barley didn't let go. Ian waited for the moment when Barley would pull back and smile at him, but it never came. Instead, Barley shifted his head so that it was in the nook of Ian's neck. The younger elf froze when he felt something wet press against his skin and slowly move up along his neck. His anxiety kicked in once he realized it was Barley's tongue. He didn't understand, and at the moment he didn't care to. His mom and friends could tell him all day and night that Barley's behavior as a brother were typical, but there was nothing that they could say to change his mind about this:

 _That_ was **not** normal.

"B-Barley," Ian spoke up finally. "Don't do that."   
Ian tries pushing Barley away, but he feels his brother's grip tighten. He tries again and shies away from Barley's tongue. "Barley, p-please stop that." He asks nicely again to no avail. "Barley!"   
As soon as Ian yells Barley's grip becomes inescapably tight and Ian feels the panic rising in his chest. Barley bites down on Ian's shoulder and it causes the younger elf to yelp. Ian wastes no more time in asking nicely. He uses whatever strength he has to push Barley and get away from him but he can't. It's when he starts hitting, Barley pushes him back so he falls onto the table.   
Ian tries to get up, but is pushed back down rather roughly and he winces when he hits hit back. "Barley, y-you're hurting me..." He said, praying it'd make him stop but the words go over Barley's head as he climbs on top of Ian. "No...no, no, no, I said no!"   
Ian knows what this looks like; he knows what this _feels_ like but he doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to believe it's a possibility; not here, not this way, not with _him_. 

Though he was losing strength quickly due to the shock, Ian tried pushing Barley off of him. He punched and scratched the best he could before Barley grabbed both his wrist and pinned them above his head. His couldn't stop the tears from running as he felt Barley suck at his neck and pull at his pants with his free hand.   
"B-Barley, tell me what I d-did," Ian begged desperately. "J-Just tell me w-why you're doing this, please!"   
He goes ignored as Barley pulls his pants and boxers down. Shame fills his heart as he tries closing his legs but Barley won't allow him to. He sobs louder when he feels Barley push one of his fingers in him. "Barley please! Please just stop!"   
Ian squeezes his eyes shut and apart of him begins to pray that his someone comes in and stops Barley's actions. He mentally called out to his mother, hoping she'd come through the door and force Barley to release him. However, as Barley continued to bite at his skin and add another finger, Ian began to pray that his mother would stay out a little longer. He didn't know what would come of her if she saw what her oldest son was doing. She'd be torn and Ian would be humiliated.   
He looked down to see Barley undoing his own pants and Ian gripped the sides of the table. He looked up at his brother with clear desperation in his eyes. "B-Barley," He tried one last time. "It...it isn't too late, you can let me go. J-Just please, let me go." 

For a moment the older elf just stared back at Ian. As much as the intensity in them drove Ian's fear through the roof, he didn't turn away because he hoped maybe, just maybe something in his eyes would snap Barley out of it. But the moment he felt something much larger press against him, he knew it was over. There was nothing he could do to stop what was happening.  
He screamed as Barley forced his way in him and his cries were muffled the moment Barley covered his mouth. Ian squeezed his eyes shut and tried thinking about anything else. He thought about school, his friends, his magic abilities, his favorite shirt, blazey, anything. He just didn't think about how he was being raped.   
Barley moved incredibly slow, and Ian didn't know if it was to spare him or to adjust himself but either way it was painful. Barley kissed at the tears falling down Ian's face and he moved to avoid them. Ian couldn't even look at Barley right now. Never in a million years did he think Barley would betray him like this. Someone could've warned him and Ian would've laughed in their face no matter how hard they tried to plea. Was this what he deserved? Should he have saw the signs about Barley's possessiveness and aggressive behavior? Even if that was the case, how was he supposed to see this coming? There was no warning, no signal, just Barley attacking him. 

It wasn't long before Barley found himself a rhythm that he liked. He thrusted into Ian with no mercy and the younger elf continued to cry under Barley's hand. He wondered how Barley would behave towards him after all this. Ian didn't even know himself how he'd behave. Apart of him was telling him he never wanted to see Barley again and he hoped he died a painful death, but another voice in his head screamed at him that he had to forgive him since deep down no matter what...

He'd always love his brother with all his heart. 

Ian's breathing sped up as Barley became more aggressive. He sunk his teeth into Ian's jawline and his grip on the younger elf's wrist became unbearably tight. Ian wanted to beg Barley to slow down because he was being too rough, but it all seem to come to an end as Barley shoved himself as deep as Ian's body would allow him to and released his seed. Ian's cries were muffled until Barley removed his hand and replaced it with his own lips. He held Ian's head steady as he kissed him deeply enough where Ian couldn't fight back. The only thing Ian's body allowed him to think about was how warm Barley's cum was and how soft but rough his lips were. Barley suddenly bit down, causing Ian's lip to bleed and he finally came down from his high. 

Ian closed his eyes and Barley kissed his cheek, released his wrists, and slowly pulled out of him. Ian immediately turned to his side and folded himself into a little ball. He cried silently as Barley fixed himself and simply walked away.

  
It had been two hours since it happened. Ian hadn't left the kitchen. He flied still on the table for about half an hour before standing up on weak knees, fixing himself, and wiping down the table with all the cleaning products he could find. He sat at the clean table that still somehow felt unbelievably dirty. HE felt dirty, as if he'd never be clean again no matter how many showers he took.   
His mind replayed the whole scene over and over and over again. He couldn't stop it and apart of him didn't want to, because he was trying to find some sort of clue, some sort of evidence as to what cause Barley to do that. He thought they were having a good day. He thought everything was fine and they were just gonna finish a movie. Everything seemed so alright up until two hours ago, so he just kept asking himself:

"What did I do?" Ian mumbled and he held and slowly rocked himself in his seat. "W-What...did I do?" 

He cried all over again. He wished such a day didn't exist or that HE didn't exist for this to be able to happen to him. He wanted to go to his room, but his body wouldn't allow him to get up. He was too afraid to pass Barley's door. He felt as if the minute he did, his brother would be listening for his footsteps so he could come out and take Ian all over again. The thought scared Ian to no end, and it only cause him to cry harder. 

So hard that he didn't hear when Barley entered the room. 

"Hey Ian!" Barley chirped, clearly in a good mood. "I was wondering if-"   
The sound of his voice nearly caused Ian's heart to stop. The younger elf quickly looked up to see Barley smiling his usual smile at him. It only disappears when he notices Ian's face. "N-No..." He mumbles to himself.   
"...Ian?" Barley's face becomes undeniably concerned. He takes a step towards him. "Are you cry-"  
"Stay back!!" Ian shouts and he forces his body to stand up. He runs behind the table and watches Barley in absolute panic; panic Barley picks up on.  
"Woah! Ian, w-what's wrong?" Barley asks and Ian's eyes widen.   
"W-What's...wrong?" He repeats before he becomes angry. " _What's wrong?!_ "   
"Yes, tell me what's wrong!" Barley says. "I-I just want to help you."  
Ian feels himself becoming weak again. Up until a couple hours ago, he would've believed those words, but now he wasn't so sure. "You're lying." He whispered to himself before shaking his head at Barley. "You're lying!!"   
Barley begins to walk towards Ian, and he almost faints. "Ian, I'd never-"  
" **STAY AWAY FROM ME!!** " Ian spits with venom at the top of his lungs. He takes deep breaths and only settles down when Barley lifts his hands and backs up so that he's completely on the other side of the room against the wall.  
"Is this better?" He asks, sounding genuinely hurt and it throws Ian off. "I-Ian, I don't know what's going on but I remember we were watching a movie together, weren't we? We were having fun and t-then I woke up in my room. I-I just wanted to know what happened in between that time."   
"W-What?" Ian asked.   
"Ian, please." Barley said. "Forget all that, I just want to know what will make you feel better. I-I just want you to feel better." 

Ian struggled to understand what was going on. He wanted to look in Barley's eyes to tell if he was being genuine, but every time he looked he only saw the man who used him like a toy earlier. Ian shook his head before slowly moving towards the kitchen exit. He could tell Barley could see him shaking as he slid against the wall. When he finally made it to the living room entrance, he wiped the blood off his lip and looked up at his brother.

"Stay away from me. Just stay away." was all he said before dashing out the kitchen and heading straight for his room.


	2. Chapter 2

Four days, six hours, and thirty four minutes. 

That's how long Ian's gone unseen by his family. He was only a few feet away, right behind his bedroom door, but it was locked and just to make sure no one could get in he barricaded his door with a **large blue chest** he had stored away in his closet. Even then, it still didn't feel like enough. When he looked at the chest he was reminded of how easily his brother would be able to push it away with his strength and get to him and it made his knees weak. Ian had hid in his bed under his covers, avoiding everyone and everything. 

His head was in knots and his heart felt heavier than the ocean. Ian's mind ran Barley's actions over and over in his head, convincing him that the right thing to do was **stay put** no matter what. He felt the most safe in his area, where at least he had his bed and a box of tissues for when he randomly bursts out in tears. He muffled his cries for the most part, afraid that if his family heard him crying they'd come knocking on his door, and the last thing he wanted was to be around anyone.   
Of course his mother had tried a numerous amount of times. Ian expected her to, she was his mother after all. It tore his heart in two when she'd knock softly and plead with him; begging him to come out and talk to her.   
"Ian?" She'd call out softly. "Ian baby?"  
"...I-I'm here." He'd say from his bed, watching his doorknob carefully.   
"Ian, it's been a while. The school keeps calling and I tell them that you're sick, b-but I'd give anything to know the real reason why you're hiding from me." Ian teared as he heard her voice slowly begin to falter, indicating that she was soon going to cry. "Please, Ian."  
"I...sorry mom." Ian would say as he wiped his own tears. "I just need to be alone." 

Once he'd say that, she'd leave and Ian didn't want to push his mother away but he genuinely felt like he had no choice. He couldn't talk about what happened to him; not with her or anyone else. He had sat through countless of seminars in school about this exact kind of thing; about how it's hard to speak up but he definitely should if he ever witnesses something happening to someone else or himself, but now that he was in that exact situation, it was hard. It was so much harder than anyone could ever understand because his attacker was someone he's known literally all his life. Someone who was one of the first faces he's seen when he first opened his eyes after birth and who's taught him everything he knows. Someone who's made him who he was today.

And now, they broke him. 

Though Ian did become worried whenever his mother approached his door, his only real concern with her was that she'd want him to talk with her more and possibly leave the door unlocked just so she could poke her head in and make sure he was alright time to time. Even their pet dragon Blazey whined on the other side of Ian's domain time to time and he'd have to send the playful pet off. Ian was worried about others getting in for sure, but his entire body shook and his heart dropped whenever Barley came to visit him.   
Ian would hear the heavy footsteps approach from down the hall and a million thoughts would flow through his mind. _'Run, hide, defend yourself, call for help, hide Ian_!' His brain would scream and he'd only listen to two of the ideas. Barley would knock at least twice a day and Ian would immediately throw himself under his blankets like a child and grab his wizard staff. He'd point it at the door, not sure if he'd have the courage to use it or not but he had to give the impression that he would if Barley ever decided he'd knock the door down. The first day he came to him, Ian bit his lip to stop himself from crying.

"Ian?" Barley would speak as softly as his heavy voice would allow him. "Ian can you hear me?"   
Of course he heard him, but he refused to respond. He sat there under his sheets, shaking like a leaf.   
"Ian, mom's asking questions and I really want to answer them, b-but I don't know what to tell her." He said. "Maybe...maybe you can talk to me?"  
Ian remained silent. Warms tears streamed down his face and he held his breath, praying Barley would stop whatever foolish game he was playing and go away. A couple of minutes of silence went by before Ian was able to hear Barley sigh on the other side of the door. "Okay...I'll just tell her you need time. I'll be back soon." 

Ian hated himself for remaining silent. He wanted to tell Barley to never come back, but a part of him secretly missed how worried Barley could be for Ian's safety. He wished he could enjoy it like he did in the past but now it was just different. Like Barley said, he did continue to come back. The next day he returned in the morning and afternoon, asking Ian if he was ready to talk yet. Again, Ian remained silent as he hid under his sheets and held his staff pointed at the door. By the third day, he barely had the energy to hold his staff and it felt incredibly heavy. He realized it must've been from the lack of food and water, but he was too afraid to get something to eat. He assumed he'd soon pass out from the lack of food but he forced his body to move under his sheets when he heard Barley return that day. 

He knocked softly before speaking. "Ian? I-I know you probably still don't want to talk to me but I brought you lunch. I made a lot...because I know you haven't been eating and that scares the shit out of me. Please, _please_ eat."   
Ian heard a plate be placed on his floor and his mouth began to salivate. He wanted nothing more but to rip open his door and grab whatever Barley had brought him, but his mind was afraid it was a trap. What if the minute opened the door, Barley grabbed him? He shook at the thought, but he came to the conclusion that wasn't the older elf's plan when he heard his footsteps walking away. Ian had waited a moment before slowly approaching his door, moving the blue chest, and unlocking it. He peeked outside when he saw the coast was clear, he grabbed the plate stacked with at least five sandwiches on it and the large glass of orange juice. He ate as if it were his last meal ever, but he secretly prayed that Barley would bring him more food. 

The older elf did, but Ian still couldn't speak with him. He began to actually want to. He wanted to ask Barley why he did what he did, why he didn't stop when Ian asked him to, and what Ian possibly did to deserve such treatment. He wanted to tell Barley how it made him feel; how it made him sick that Barley would actually use his strength against him. He wanted to tell Barley he was owed an apology, but he couldn't do it. He was still terrified of his brother and that was the worst part of it all.   
By the fourth night, his nightmares had become killer. They were always the same or super similar. It would always be him in his room or the kitchen, happy and content, and Barley would just walk in with that same aggression in his eyes that just screamed " _there's nothing you can do_ ". Ian would put up a fight but Barley would win in the end. The look in Barley's eyes would be what would do it. Ian would wake up in a pool of sweat and he'd still be trying to fight, until he realized it was all in his head. He'd be afraid to fall back asleep, but the crying that came afterwards always made him tired. 

One night it was really bad, Barley had choked him until he had no air and when Ian woke up he screamed. He cut himself off quickly, realizing he had been sleeping and it was the middle of the night. He didn't want to wake up his mother but he still wasn't over what he saw in his sleep. He scrambled to grab the nearest pillow and he dug his nails in as he screamed into it. He screamed to his heart contents and when he was done he suddenly felt sick. Ian ripped his covers off of him and ran to his door. He moved the chest, unlocked it, and ran to the bathroom right across the hall. He was right at the buzzer when he threw up in the toilet. He went on until his stomach was empty and he sat back and took deep breaths. Realizing he was out of his room, he mustered up whatever strength he could and stood up. He walked out of the restroom but stopped in the middle of the hall when he heard movement that wasn't his own. 

Only a few feet away, Ian turned to his left and saw Barley at the top of the staircase. 

He was panting as if he had been running, and when his eyes fell on Ian, he looked as if his world was coming down. If Ian wasn't suddenly terrified of how close Barley was, he would've looked deep into his eyes and wondered what was wrong. But he couldn't do that. He whimpered and his body visibly shook as tears started forming in his eyes. It had been so long since he seen Barley, and as much as he wanted to be happy about it, he was afraid for his safety. Barley seemed to notice the change and stilled himself. 

"I-Ian," he whispered and slowly raised his hands to show he meant no harm. "I heard a shout, a-and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."  
The younger elf could barely hear him over the sound of his own heart beating. When Barley slid his foot forward only a little, absolute panic took over. Ian dashed into his room, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He pushed the chest back and just to feel safe he threw a couple more items on top of it, hoping that would make it heavy. 

Ian balled himself up under his covers and silently cried, listening to his mother's bedroom door open and Barley speaking with her about what happened. He flinched when they both knocked at his door, but this time he decided he wouldn't answer even if it were his mom. Ian didn't know what he was going to do. He just wanted to stop being afraid. He just wanted to trust everyone again. 

It's been seven days. Ian had grown tired of his room and wanted to leave, but he was still on the fence about it. He was still afraid, but not terrified. He still had nightmares, but not the kind where he woke up screaming anymore. Ian felt as if he was getting better, but he wasn't sure how long that would last if he were to be put next to Barley. For the last couple of days, the older elf had been making most of Ian's meals and bringing him little gifts and things he might have needed or wanted. It reminded Ian of the time before all this happened, and he wondered if he'd ever feel one hundred percent comfortable around Barley. 

Once again, his mother had asked him to talk to her about what was wrong, but he refused. To anyone else, it might've been weird to know that Ian wasn't trying to tell people about Barley, but in his heart he simply couldn't. It wasn't so much about the embarrassment anymore, but it was more about _Barley's_ safety. Ian knew all he had to say was that Barley raped him and the older elf would go to prison. Ian's heart dropped at such a thought and he couldn't bear to be the reason why Barley's life was ruined. He didn't want to see Barley ruined at all. Some would say it was Barley's own fault, but now...Ian wasn't so sure.   
The one thing Barley continued to ask Ian when he came to visit him was what had happened that caused him to go into such a state. At first Ian thought Barley was messing with him, but Barley kept asking, almost like genuinely didn't know. Ian began to wonder if Barley had blacked out during the process or if he was possibly trying to make it seemed as if it never happened. Ian wasn't happy with how Barley was coping with the whole thing. For him to pretend it never happened wasn't fair and apart of Ian was angry about it. But when he looked at it from a different point of view, maybe Barley was trying to forget because he knew he was wrong. Maybe wanted to get back to how things used to be just like Ian did, no matter how hard that seemed. 

Ian wasn't sure what he was going to do. Whenever Barley visited him now, he didn't necessarily feel the urge to hide under the blankets anymore but he did stay clear of the door. However, on the eighth day Barley had visited him twice in the morning. Ian was confused when he appeared the second time, seeing how the first time had already brought him his breakfast, so he waited for some sort of action from his brother. 

"Ian?" Barley called out, knowing Ian had no intension of speaking back. "I know you're probably not going to speak to me and...that's fine, because I think I'm starting to accept that...this is my fault."   
Ian's eyes widened. He slowly got up from his bed and stared at his door as Barley continued to talk. "It's been a full week since I last saw you, and I don't count that time in the middle of the night, because you ran away from me in such terror. You've _never_ run from me before and it hurt so much to watch you lock me out. I think about that night a lot; how scared you looked and how you trembled. I can only assume your trauma...is me. And Ian, I'm sorry for that."   
Ian listened as Barley's body leaned against the door. As much as that would've scared him a week ago, he found himself moving closer to his door to hear Barley better. "I-I'm really sorry Ian. I _swear_ I don't know what I could've done to cause this, but I'd never want to hurt you. It's killing me that I don't know and I want you to be able to tell me. I-If you give me a chance, I swear to you I can make this right, I can at least try. What's happened to you is breaking mom's heart...it's breaking MY heart. I...I _love_ you Ian, please come out."

Ian held his breath to stop himself from sniffling as tears ran down his face for the hundredth time. He nearly lost it when he heard a sniffle from the other side of his door. He knew Barley was crying, because the older elf only sounded so broken up when he cried. Ian didn't understand but he wanted to accept his brother's apology. He wanted to tell him he'd give him a chance to try to make things right, but before he could, he heard Barley's footsteps walking away.   
Ian sunk to the floor and weighed out his options. He could stay in here, and continue to slowly recover, or he could try recovering out in the world. It would cause his mother less stress and he could possibly learn to function around Barley again.   
As much as Ian wanted to stay in his room, no matter how tired of it he was, he knew he couldn't hide forever and he might as well try to break free from his fear now. He waited until lunch time, hoping it would be his mother to bring him his food. He nervously walked back and forth in his room until he heard footsteps approach his door and drop a plate. His heart pounded, knowing they were too heavy to be his moms, but he still had to try. 

"Mom?" Ian called out softly. He waited but there was no answer, though he could feel the presence behind his door. He swallowed the ball of nerves rising in him and took a deep breath. "Barley?"  
"...Yes, Ian?" Barley spoke back softly as possible without trying to show how shocked he was to hear his brother's voice, though Ian could tell.   
The smaller elf took deep breaths as he moved his blue chest out of the way and unlocked his door. He opened it a tiny bit, just enough so he could peek out and see Barley. Unfortunately, the older man could see him too and it startled him. He quickly averted his eyes and looked down at the ground, hoping that would calm his heart down.   
"I-I'm gonna come out...in an hour." Ian said.   
The older elf's face lit up. "Really?!"   
"Yes," Ian mustered the strength to look at Barley. "B-But when I do, you have to stay on the other side of the room."   
"O-Okay, I can do that. Anything you want." Barley nodded and backed up from the door.   
Ian avoided his brother's eyes once more that looked at him with such care. "Give me an hour." He said before closing the door and locking it again. 

  
Ian eventually left his room. He actually sheepishly made his way to his living room within thirty minutes because he felt if he waited the full hour he'd get cold feet. The minute Ian entered the living room, he saw Barley, reluctantly watching tv until his eyes landed on Ian. The older elf stood up and Ian stood back. Barley saw the action and remembered what Ian had asked of him, so he stayed where he was far enough from his little brother to not feel uncomfortable. Barley called out to their mother and when she entered the room to see what was going on, she started to bawl at the sight of Ian. She wrapped her arms around him and cried out how much she loved and missed him.

Ian apologized and told her how much he loved her too, but he made sure to keep his eyes glued on Barley. The older elf, did the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're sticking with me so far, though this whole situations kind of a bummer for Ian. Be back with update soon.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a long process. Ian knew that and he accepted it, and maybe that's why he's been doing so well with his recovery. 

It's been a week and a half ever since Ian emerged from his room. Everyday he came down to the kitchen for food, his mother wrapped her arms around him and held him like she never was going to let go. he would hold her back, and he watched Barley from the other side of the room, which was something his brother still did for him. His older brother would watch him back cautiously, as if he felt if he made one wrong move, Ian would explode.  
The excuse Ian had given his mother was that he got his heart broken in school. Some guy turned him down hard and his high hopes was simply his downfall. He decided he wasn't EVER going to tell anyone the truth of what happened to him. When he fed his mother the lie, he felt bad but he was relieved that she believed it. She sat him down and explained something along the lines of how love works, a conversation he had basically cringed throughout but he endured it. He wanted the lie to become a reality for her, but maybe for Barley that wasn't going to be the case. It seemed when Ian was explaining, Barley seemed skeptical. It was clear that he wasn't trying to make it super obvious that he wasn't one hundred percent sure that Ian was telling the truth. He figured that might be a problem later on, but for right now Ian just needed his mother to believe him. 

Because she didn't want him to go back into hiding, Laurel had asked Ian to keep his bedroom door open, even at night when he slept. This struck a very sensitive cord in Ian's heart because he hadn't been so comfortable with being out in the open defenseless just yet, and when you sleep anything could happen. The first night he wasn't able to fall asleep. The thought of Barley just creeping in and grabbing him shook him to his core. The fourth night, he tried going to sleep but his nightmares returned. He'd wake up in a sweat but when he saw he was in his room and no one was trying to hurt him, he was able to calm down. Eventually, he was able to fall asleep easily, convinced that no one was going to hurt him. He eventually had less aggressive nightmares until they barely came around at all. The open door rule had freaked him out at first but he knew his mom just wanted to be able to reach him. It must've been a terrible feeling to watch her son crumble from within, and Ian regret doing that to her. 

As for his progress with Barley...it wasn't all too bad. The first couple of days, he stayed clear of the older elf all together. If Barley was in the kitchen, Ian would wait in the living room. If Barley was in the living room, Ian would stay upstairs. When he had to be in the same room as the older elf, he was glad Barley knew to immediately make his way to the other side of the room. Whenever Ian saw him do this, he felt instantly better and actually almost normal. Their mother had questioned his movements a couple of times but he always had some quick catchy lie ready.  
"This seats more comfortable." or "I have a better view from this spot."  
Laurel didn't seem to piece together that Barley was steering clear of Ian. Maybe she just didn't notice because she was too busy just trying to make sure Ian was okay. Ian had overheard her speaking to Barley one night, telling him that she's going to be focusing more on Ian more than anything but that didn't mean she had forgotten about him. As Ian kind of expected Barley agreed.  
"Of course," He had said. "Don't worry about me mom, Ian is our main priority right now. I'll do anything for him and I know you would too."  
His response made Ian's heart hurt. "That's my big strong boy." Their mother said sweetly to him. 

Ian thought a lot about that moment. He was still so confused on a number of levels and Barley's behavior only made things more complicated. Apart of Ian wanted Barley to fess up to what he did. He wanted to hear the words that would confirm for Ian that Barley wasn't playing dumb, but they never came. All Ian heard was Barley's attempts to cheer him up or offer him whatever he wanted and all he saw was the sadness in his brothers face when Ian made him stay back. It wasn't a great feeling on Ian's part. He wasn't used to being so distant from his brother either and even though Barley was the cause of it, Ian hated having to stay locked up in his room away from him.  
So Ian decided to try and push his recovery along. It may not have been the healthiest decision but he really wanted to be able to stand close to Barley again without shaking. He wanted to be comfortable being picked up from school in Guinevere and be wrestled with. He wanted Barley to hug him and tell him how important he was to him nonstop. Ian missed all of that with a passion, and all that was stopping him was his fear and defensiveness. 

Slowly Ian made attempts to get closer to Barley. If the older elf was in the kitchen, Ian would suck it up and walk in too. If they sat at the table for lunch or dinner, Ian would no longer give the excuse of having too much work to makeup for school, knowing he had already completed all of it and more. He would hold his breath and sit at the table across from Barley. He would give the older elf a look that would let him know he could stay where he was, although the memories of what happened there filled his mind the second he would sit down.  
Sometimes if he'd the living room and see Barley watching something, he'd take a seat on a nearby chair and watch with him.  
"W-What...What are you watching?" Ian asked Barley one day. The older elf turned to him, clearly shocked seeing how it was the first time, Ian's spoken to him in a week since he's come out.  
"U-Um...nothing really, it's just some silly gameshow." He said. "B-But I'm kind of over it. Here, you can pick something if you'd like."  
Barley picked up the remote and held it out to Ian. The first thing Ian looked at was Barley's hand that held out the remote. The older elf seemed to notice and pulled back slightly. "I-I can leave it here if you wan to grab it, it's no p-"  
"No, I can take it." Ian said. He took a deep breath before reaching his hand out and taking the remote. Once it was in his hand, he felt surprisingly good. It was like he was taking some of his own power back. Barley smiled at him too, and Ian could help but give a small smile back.  
Little improvements like that continued to happen. Ian allowed Barley to hand him things and Ian handed him things as well. He started having small conversations with his brother until they got bigger and deeper. Ian found himself able to laugh sometimes and he could tell it made his brother happy to see such improvement. 

Ian even slowly started allowing Barley to touch him, and it was him who made the first move. He had been washing his hands in the bathroom one evening and looking in the mirror at his neck to be sure that the scars and marks had gone away. He noticed that he was looking like his old self again and it gave him hope that he could be his old self again. As he opened the door and was about to exit the bathroom, he gasped and took a huge step back, clearly not expecting Barley to be on the other side of the door. To his surprise, Barley seemed just as shocked as he was and the older man stepped back until he was against the hallway wall.  
"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I swear I didn't know you were in their." He said and held up his hands. "I'll use the one downstairs."

Barley turned to walk off but Ian found himself not afraid to stop him. He reached out and grabbed his brother by his arm. Both Barley and Ian stiffened, surprised by the younger elf's actions. Ian looked at his hand on Barley's skin. He almost wanted to let go of him, but he really felt as if he shouldn't. Without forcing himself too much, Ian guided himself to get closer to Barley. His brother didn't dare move, until Ian positioned himself in his arms and wrapped his own small ones around him. Ian hugged him, and his grip tightened when he felt Barley finally hug him back. He almost forgotten what it was like to receive a hug from Barley and it felt so good he could cry. 

"I've missed you." Barley managed to say, and it was clear he was on the verge of tears himself.  
"I missed you too." Ian said, and he hid his face in Barley's shoulder. He really did miss this Barley with all of his being. Maybe this Barley really was going to make everything better, so Ian decided right then and there:

If his brother could apologize and forget, maybe Ian could forgive and forget too.

It's been three weeks since Ian's been out of his hiding space. He's begun attending school again and hanging out with his friends as well. They were so happy to see him, Sadalia nearly started crying as they group hugged him. He was glad to see that they hadn't forgotten about him and they made it clear that that couldn't ever happen.  
He no longer had nightmares and though he did have random moments when he would think about the gruesome event that traumatized him, they weren't as bad as before. He'd shake them off and distract himself before they came back again. Luckily, they didn't try to invade his brain all hours of the day anymore just mainly when he was alone with his thoughts and sometimes before he'd go to sleep...and whenever he had to sit at the kitchen table, which he avoided as much as he could. When he had to eat with his family he made sure to act as normal as he could, and it was only hard when he sat at the table but other than that, his recovery went very well.

Him and Barley were almost back to where they left off, almost. Ian still didn't allow himself to be wrestled with because that was when Barley always overpowered him, but everyday after school Barley picked him up, they'd talk for hours about stupid little thing or big deal things, and they were able to just laugh and be brothers. Barley seemed to notice that Ian wasn't comfortable with too much touching, so he didn't do it often. Ian could tell his brother wanted to ask him more about his situation from three weeks ago. He obviously knew there was no boy and Ian figured he just wanted to know if there was more he could do. To avoid getting into it, Ian would try telling some joke or giving Barley a hug to show that he was "okay".  
Ian was fine being alone with Barley in the house now too. He wouldn't exactly say he felt safe as he used to but he felt as if things were gonna be okay. Once he had hit that point of comfort, Ian figured he could officially bury the past behind him. Of course he still had questions, like why Barley had done such a thing in the first place and if sex with anyone would ever be enjoyable for him now, but he decided to bury those questions deep down and try not to think about them. Ian felt he was in an okay place. When he woke up he told himself everything would be alright and he did the same right before he went to sleep. 

But...everything wasn't alright, and deep down he knew that. 

Laurel had come to him at one day in the day, telling him that she had to run to make a couple of errands. "If there's no line at the post office I'll be gone for at least an hour and a half, if there is one then who knows." She rolled her eyes and chuckled. "You wanna come with me? I'm sure it won't be so bad."  
Ian contorted his face and looked at the list in her hand of multiple stops she had to make besides the post office. As much as she loved her, that was a journey he refused to take. "I think I'm good."  
"Worth a shot," She said and shrugged as she grabbed her car keys. "You gonna be okay on your own?"  
"I'm not on my own, Barley's here." Ian said nudging his head in the direction of his brother's bedroom.  
"Oh that's right, he hasn't left that room of his all morning so I forgot. Well, I'll be back! Take care sweetie!" She kissed him on his cheek before making her way out.

Ian watched her go before closing the front door. He wasn't one hundred percent sure about what he wanted to do. The tv was on and he assumed Barley was watching it earlier. He walked over to his brother's door and held up his hand to knock, ready to ask if he was still going to use it. However, Ian stopped himself. He didn't fully get it, but something told him there was no need to bother Barley, at least not right now. He stepped back and decided to just read a book in his room.  
As he turned to head up the steps he heard his dragon Blazey moving behind him. The loyal pet didn't follow Ian, instead it sat in front of Barley's door...just watching it. Ian tilted his head, confused with his usual rowdy dragon's calm behavior. He decided to leave it alone, and he made his way up the steps, without Blazey batting an eye at him.

Once Ian made it to his room, he turned to his desk and picked out a book his mother recommended he read. Before he never really had the time, energy, or...proper mental state to get to it but now his mind was clear enough to give it a whirl. He lied down in his bed and began. Most of Ian's friends didn't really like reading all that much, but for him it was a little better than watching tv. He didn't mind picturing everything in his head, like the characters, settings, actions, and more. He felt like it made him more creative, at least that's what his mom told him what reading can help him with. 

About thirty minutes had gone by and he had finished the first two chapters. He figured he'd be done with the book in no time, but the sound of howling distracted him. Ian sat up, and listened again to the sound of howls. He knew it was Blazey and groaned. Maybe he got stuck in a cabinet again or lost one of his toys and wanted help finding it. Ian tossed his book to the side and stood to his feet. He knew his dragon's howling wouldn't stop until he was payed attention to.  
However, strangely enough as soon as Ian made his way down the stairs, Blazey's howling stopped. Ian became curious and still went to go find his pet. After clearing the living room he made his way to the kitchen. There he saw Blazey sitting in the middle of the room looking up at Barley who was kneeled down petting him. Ian sighed in relief, glad that Barley helped the dragon with whatever he needed. He was about to make his way back to his room, when he noticed something funny about him though.  
Blazey stared up at Barley, with a bashful expression...almost like he's never seen him before. The last Ian checked, their pet only done that when it was his first time meeting someone. Blazey knew who Barley was, he has for the last decade. 

"What's wrong with him?" Ian asked. "Why's he staring at you like that?"  
Barley hadn't responded, but he did stop petting the small dragon. Ian watched as Blazey softly whimpered and backed away from Barley before running off, an action the dragon's never done. Ian suddenly felt uncomfortable with what he just witnessed. The most friendlies dragon in the world, backed away from the most friendliest guy Ian knew.  
"...Barley?" Ian called out. He didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't the cold gaze Barley gave him as he looked up from the ground. 

Ian's blood ran cold and he suddenly felt unbelievably weak. He's seen that look before. He knew those eyes too well, because they haunted him in his nightmares and they intentionally make him feel small. Ian didn't want to think too deep into it. Instead, he decided he was going to move away. He forced his frozen body to slowly back out of the room. Chills ran up and down his spine as Barley's eyes never left him as he exited, but the older elf didn't get up or follow. Once out, Ian turned and quickly made his way to the staircase, he ran up to his room and closed the door behind him. He thought about his mother's new open door policy for a split second before pushing it out of his mind and locking it. If needed to, he'd unlock it the minute she got home but right now...he no longer felt safe.

Ian stood on the other side of his door, just waiting. He hoped he made a mistake; that maybe his fear was causing him to just see things knowing it would freak him out. Ian stayed as still and silent as he could. He hated to admit it but he knew he was waiting to see if he'd hear footsteps. He prayed they never came, because he was sure he'd be sent into a mental state so dark he wasn't sure if he'd be able to come back from this one. Surely, he started to whimper as he backed himself up after hearing his brother's footsteps make their way up the steps. Ian stepped back until his back was against his wall. He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to get the memories of the kitchen table to leave him alone.  
Ian didn't want to assume; he hated that he was doing it, but he could practically feel his brother's teeth on his skin and the tight grip on his weak wrists. Ian squeezed his eyes shit and continued to wish the thoughts away until there was a soft knock on his door. His eyes widened when complete silence filled the area. Ian could see Barley's shadow under his door and he knew the elf was probably waiting for a response. 

* _Knock knock knock_ *

"B-Barley," Ian mustered up the strength to speak. "I'm...I'm kind of in the middle of something. Can you wait t-till later?"  
No response was heard. Ian found himself unable to move until another set of knocks soon followed.

* **Knock knock knock** *

This set caused Ian to nearly jump out of his skin. He found himself shaking and clinging to himself. Although he was behind a locked door, he began to feel so exposed and unsafe. He decided to push the large blue chest back to his door and he made a quick getaway to his bed. He sat on the farthest corner of it away from his door. Apart of him hoped the Barley would take his silence for a sign that he really didn't want him to come in. 

* **BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG** *

Ian bit his lip to hold back a sob as he flinched. He threw his covers over his small body and just knew that Barley wasn't going to leave him alone. He had no shred of hope left that things weren't what they seemed. Ian knew what was about to happen and he couldn't do anything to stop it. His anxiety kicked in and he suddenly felt trapped under his blanket but he was too afraid and frozen to move from under it. His doorknob began to be toyed with and the more aggressive it became the closer Ian knew Barley was to reaching him. He no longer bothered stopping his tears to run down his face. He shook so hard and sobbed, wishing he went with his mother while desperately hoping something, anything got in Barley's way.

"Go away," Ian sobbed to himself softly. "Go away, go away, go away, go away, go-" 

* _Snap..._ *

Ian gasped and held his breath. A silence filled his room. The snap sounded unfamiliar and he knew it couldn't of been good. The naive part of him wished it was a good thing, he NEEDED it to be. Maybe his door handle snapped off, sealing himself inside and Barley on the outside. The thought felt so good that Ian just had to know if it were reality. He took his trembling hand and lifted a small piece of his blanket up so he could see what had a happened.   
He immediately wished he didn't. Ian's eyes widen when he sees Barley holding his broken door handle, except he's in the room.   
"No..." Ian mumbles as he watches the older elf inspect the piece of metal in his hands before he throws it to the ground. When his eye's catch Ian's watching him, Ian shakes his head and covers himself back up with his covers.   
He can't control his breath nor crying when he hears Barley approaching him. Suddenly, the blanket is torn of Ian's curled up body and he looks up at Barley's unrecognizable face. The older elf throws the blanket to the side and looks down at him with fury in his eyes. Ian can't help but notice Barley scoff and shake his head, as if he's...utterly disappointed in Ian.   
Ian doesn't bother asking himself what he did wrong, this time he tries to get away as quick as he can, but his limbs fail him from moving fast enough. Barley grabs him by his leg and pulls him back. He holds Ian down so his chest is flat against the bed and his rear is poke upward. As Barley immediately begins removing his pants, Ian claws at his sheet trying to get away.   
"N-no!" he wailed and continued trying to escape, but once Barley grabbed his arms, held them behind his back, and pushed his face into his mattress, he knew it was over.   
Ian cried softly as he felt Barley invade his body again, and this time, in his own bed where Ian would have to sleep and be haunted by this moment forever.

  
It ended quicker than last time, but it was worse than before. Barley had barely prepped him, like he was in a rush. He violated him promptly and made sure that he heard Ian cry and squeal under him. He hadn't been gentle at all, not even in the beginning and Ian's body ached because of it. He bit at his ear and traced a trail of marks all the way down to his shoulder, where a large bite mark laid with blood staining it. It felt as if it were throbbing and still bleeding like it was the moment Barley placed it there. His inner thighs felt sticky and slimy whenever he moved. This time Barley had at least fixed Ian up before he left but he did not clean him, so under Ian's jeans sat Ian's slick, Barley's saliva, some evidence of Barley's climax. Most of it was still in Ian, which the young elf still felt inside of him whenever he shifted.   
The worst part of it all was that some of Ian's own substance had been mixed in with everything else. This time Barley had touched him and Ian couldn't believe that his body gave Barley the reaction he was looking for. Ian barely touched himself, so to have Barley grab and stroke him was something he surely wasn't ready for. He couldn't fight the building desire that came with it and he cried harder at how dirty he felt. Barley had forced an orgasm out of him and he made sure to come inside him while he did. When Ian had turned from him to hide his shame, Barley grabbed him by his hair and crashed their lips together. Ian squirmed in Barley's arms as the older elf bit at his lips and allowed his tongue to explore every inch of Ian's mouth. His first and second kiss belonged to Barley, and now if any of his friends ever asked him about it, he'd have to make up a lie while crying on the inside.

Ian didn't bother shutting his door or hiding after it was all over. He just laid down in his bed, and allowed the tears to fall from his eyes as he stared blankly at the wall. He felt numb and he was out of words and thoughts. Just when he thought he was going to be okay, Barley had taken that from him and Ian was sure his brother was bound to try again.   
He heard footsteps approach his door and he flinched but didn't move from his spot. He figured nothing else worse could happen to him. He heard the footsteps slow down the closer they got to his door.   
"Woah..." Barley said from the distance. "Ian...what happened to your door?"   
Ian didn't answer and he mentally scoffed at Barley's words. He heard his brother approaching his bed and his heart hardened.   
"Ian?" Barley tried again.  
"Stay over there." Ian said. "Don't ever come near me again."   
Ian heard Barley come to a halt. "...What?"   
The younger elf sat up. He wiped his face a little before turning to look at Barley. Ian did notice that Barley looked once again like his usual self, but he was too distraught to think about that. He watched as Barley's face slowly dropped, realizing that Ian was in no mood.  
"Ian...why are you crying?" Barley asked.   
"Stop it." Ian said glaring dagger at his brother. "Just **stop it**. I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but it's really **fucked** up. How can you be so okay doing this to me?"   
"I-Ian," Barley took a single step forward and tried reaching out to him.   
" **Don't touch me**." Ian spat and yanked his hand away. "I wish you never got me to care about you so much. I wish I didn't even know you!"  
He watched Barley wince and step back like a wounded animal. It only made Ian angrier, watching him pretend like he's innocent.   
"Ian...I-"  
"I thought I could forgive and forget," Ian cuts him off. "But I will _never_ forget, and I will **never** forgive you. **Get out**." 

Ian turns back around and lies back down. Warm tears full of anger and sorrow run down his face as he listens to the sound of Barley slowly walking away.


	4. Chapter 4

Ian didn't like what was becoming of him. He didn't like it one bit. He felt as if there was a dark cloud over his head every morning he woke up, and right after he sat for about half and hour thinking about that night's terrible nightmare, he'd get out of bed and begin his day automatically in a major bad mood. He rarely even tried to hide it. His mother noticed, his friends did, and surely he became twice as upset around his brother. Ian seemed to just be furious with everything when really he was just furious with two people: Barley and himself.

After Ian's last horrible encounter with Barley, he spent the next three days keeping completely away from the older elf. He wanted nothing more but to lock himself away again, but he wasn't sure if his mother could take such heartbreak again. He could see in her face how stressed and afraid she has been when he first came out of hiding. He couldn't do that to her again, but she couldn't stand to be around Barley either. For the most part he stayed in his room, and he left it open knowing it made his mom feel he was safer. He also knew Barley wouldn't be upstairs as much, seeing how mostly everything he needed was already on the first floor of their home. 

Time to time, the older elf would come upstairs though. Ian would grit his teeth whenever Barley would come to his door to tell him that either breakfast lunch or dinner was ready, or if he was going out, he'd ask Ian if he wanted anything. Ian, being aggravated the moment he saw Barley, would always turn him down and send him off as quick as possible, no matter how much the older elf clearly wanted to stay and talk. Sometimes Barley would pass by his door just to glance in. He would try to being as discrete as he possibly could, but with Barley size Ian knew when he was there. He could never forget what Barley's presence felt like.   
When near their mom, he still didn't allow the older elf to talk to him. If their mom was having a conversation with them, they made sure to answer her one after the other, never linking their two points together. Soon enough, Barley seemed to go back to the distancing rule. If Ian was in the kitchen, it was Barley would made sure to stay out of it. If Ian was watching tv in the living room with his mother and Laurel invited Barley to watch with them, his brother would choose the farthest seat from them. Of course their mother always noticed. She'd question Barley's motive and he'd always tell her that he liked the seat he chose better. On nights they watched movies, Ian understood that it'd be hard for Barley to keep away seeing how their mother liked being next to both of them.

"Barley! What're you doin' over there? Come sit!" she'd say and pat the seat on the three person couch.   
Ian watched as Barley's hand tightened into a fist and he looked concerned. "This seats fine mom." He said to her.   
"But I want to be next to both of my boys." Laurel told him, sounding quite disappointed.   
Ian felt his heart sink a little at his mothers tone. He took a deep breath and decided to make a sacrifice for her. "You should sit over here Barley, she really wants you to." He said without turning his cold eyes from the tv screen. He needed to make sure Barley knew that he was only allowing him near him for his mother.  
"...Okay." Barley mumbled before standing up and walking over to the couch where all the elves sat. 

Laurel squealed in delight and she hugged her eldest son, and as happy as Ian wanted to be for her he felt terribly sad. It used to be _him_ who sat in the middle and it used to be _him_ who would get to snuggle into Barley. The older elf would always chuckle and wrap his arms around Ian before squeezing him tightly. Now as they both watched the tv, sorrow covered their faces. Ian's never wanted to time travel before in his life but if he ever got the chance he knew he'd go back to a time where everything was ok. He'd go back to any moment where he and Barley were inseparable. 

It was always on Ian's mind how bad things were between them. He questioned how long would his anger last or if he'd even soon become numb to it. He wondered if his mother would soon piece together what was wrong or if Barley would ever just come clean and stop pretending he doesn't know what's going on. Ian hated when his brother looked at him now. His eyes were always so full with sorrow and confusion. It was like he was living in agony, not understanding why Ian wouldn't breath a word to him but it only angered and saddened Ian more. Maybe if Barley was just honest, Ian could at least begin to try moving forward, but from the older elf's behavior Ian had a feeling that was never gonna happen.   
It caused major problems for him inside and outside of his home as well. Just as he started hanging out again, Ian started declining his friends invitations to go out with them. They too have noticed the shift in his behavior and felt maybe hanging out with them more would make him feel better, but Ian simply couldn't do it. It wasn't that he didn't want to, he just knew he'd be in an upsetting mood the entire time, and he didn't want to bring his friends down. He no longer felt the urge to participate in class, even when he knew the answers, and he walked home a lot more often than take the bus or be picked up by Barley. 

After a week or so, the walking had to come to an end because he found he had very little energy to complete them. As impossible as it seemed Ian lost a little weight because he wasn't eating. He simply didn't feel the urge to, just like he didn't feel the urge to do anything. He spent most of his time in his room, wishing for things that could never be. Whenever he laid his bed down to sleep, he felt as if he were falling, and it was never going to stop. A couple of tears always escaped his eyes before he drifted off to sleep.

Eventually, the not eating caught up to Ian. He had made his way to the kitchen in the middle of the day, finally deciding to make himself something after a full two and a half days of just water. It wasn't that he didn't want to eat, it just didn't come up in his head as a priority until his stomach began to cave in on him. He decided he'd start simple since he didn't have much energy. He decided he'd go for some fruit just to start small. He grabbed a banana, two apples, and he wanted an orange but knew he wasn't going to be able to peel it.   
Ian put his fruit down, and opened a nearby cabinet, taking out a knife. He placed the orange on a cutting board and slice it in half. He continued to cut up the orange as he sighed to himself. When he was younger, he remembered his mother used to do this for him. She didn't trust him with a knife just yet and it always caused him to get upset because she allowed Barley to cut things. 

"It's not fair!" Little Ian had shouted once as Barley cut his peanut butter and jelly sandwich in half for him. "I can do it too!"   
"Your arms are too small," Barley picked up an orange and sliced it in half before he held onto one of Ian's fingers and shook it around. "Plus you still have baby hands."   
Ian pulled away and puffed his cheeks as Barley laughed and continued cutting the orange. "I wanna do it....it's not fair."   
"Well, I'll tell you what. Until you can use a knife on your own, I'll slice as many sandwich's and oranges as you want!" Barley said before pushing a plate of sliced oranges over to Ian. "Whatever you want Ian."   
Ian popped one of the orange slices in his mouth and smiled. He giggled before hugging his brother. "Thank you Barley!" 

  
Before Ian realized he was tearing, a single tear drop fell onto the cutting board. He wanted to hate that memory, but he loved it with all his heart. Barley had been good to him; Barley was _always_ good to him, so what changed? Why did he stop? Why couldn't Ian figure out what he was doing to afflict such pain on himself? He squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip, trying not to let out a sob or someone might hear him crying. He was in the middle of counting to ten in hopes it would calm him down, when a sharp pain travelled through his thumb. Ian gasped, dropping the knife and stepping back from the cutting board as he watched the crimson red liquid quickly make its way from his finger. 

This was probably why his mother still disliked him using knives.

Ian stayed still for a moment, frozen by the sight of his blood running down his finger and hitting the floor. He wondered if there was supposed to be so much of it and if he was supposed to feel this numb to the sight of it. He didn't think it was much of a big deal until he raised his other hand to touch it. A sharp pain took him by surprise and he jumped back feeling his legs weaken. 

"Ack!" Ian fell to his knees and held his wound close to his chest. His hand became shaky as he took deep breaths. He watched the wound bleed and it wasn't long before he heard footsteps approach from behind him.   
"IAN!" The younger elf flinched at his brother calling his name and he immediately felt his heart harden. Barley kneeled down next to him. "What happened?!"   
"...I'm fine." Ian said.   
" _You're bleeding_." Barley says before noticing the fruits and knife. "Why didn't you call someone for help?!"   
Barley grabs Ian's hand and though he helps him stand up, Ian feels his heart rate speed up. "Barley-"  
"I know." Barley says as he guides Ian over to the sink. "I know, but this has to get cleaned before it gets infected."   
"I-I can do it myself." Ian says firmly but yelps when Barley places his thumb under cold water.   
"You can barely cut an orange by yourself!" Barley says just as serious before his face hardens. "And I _know_ that's because you're weak from not eating. I told you about that crap already, didn't I?!"   
"I'm **fine**." Ian says as he glares at Barley but the older elf doesn't release him.   
" **BULL.SHIT.** " He says before grabbing a first aid kit from under the sink. He rips it open as Ian still tries to get out of his grasp. 

The whole situation was strange to Ian. He was constantly making sure that Barley couldn't get close enough to him to touch him, but now as he stands here held still by his brother, he shockingly isn't as petrified. Surely his heart was beating out of control and he felt a little worried, but Barley's aura was different from before. The minute Barley grabbed him he remembered how tight he was held and how it was clear his brother was going to hurt him. Ian didn't exactly feel as if he was in danger, but he still didn't want Barley holding him. It was like Ian was just giving into him all over again.

As his brother rubbed his hand with alcohol, Ian winced and tried pulling his hand away again. "Barley, I said I can do it myself!" He hollered.   
"Just stay still Ian!" Barley exclaimed as he grabbed a band-aid and wrapped it around Ian's thumb. "Can you just listen to me?!"   
"You don't get to ask me to do things like that." Ian snapped as he finally ripped his hand away from the older elf.   
Barley's jaw tightened and he held out his hand. "Give me your hand Ian, I wanna make sure the band-aid's wrapped on right."   
"...No." Ian stood his ground, although he could run off right now if he wanted. It became clear to him that Barley didn't like his answer, and though he wasn't too sure what was going to happen next, he still stayed, partially afraid to move and partially trying to stand up for himself.   
" **Ian** , give me your hand." Barley demanded and Ian's hands balled into fist.  
"I said _no_!"   
"Why won't you just let me help you?!" Barley finally exploded.   
"Because I don't want your help!" Ian shouted back. " I don't need help from someone like YOU!  
"I've tried to make it right," Barley says. "I've tried and _TRIED_ to make you happy. You ask me to stay away and I do, you ask me to let you walk home and I do, you tell me NOT to talk to you and no matter how bad I want to, I don't! I keep trying Ian! But I **_draw_** the line at you starving yourself and bleeding! This isn't fair! You're so cruel!"   
" _I'M_ _cruel?! You're ra_ -" Ian cuts himself off, unable to say the truth out loud. He shakes his head and wipes the tears from his face. "I don't get you...I don't get you at all! You do these things, and then expect me to just act like everything's normal! How am I supposed to do that?! How am I suppose to even go on living, HOW BARLEY?! Can you seriously not see what the problem is?!"  
"I can't see what the problem is because I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG!" Barley booms and it breaks Ian heart in two.   
"THEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WRONG YOU'RE A BIGGER JERK THAN I THOUGHT, I **HATE** YOU!" Ian scream at the top of his lungs.   
" **FINE!!** " Barley shouts back before slamming the bottle of alcohol and packs of Band-aids on the counter and storming out. 

Ian watches the older elf slam his bedroom door shut before hears him let out another angry shout from inside. Ian can barely feel the cut on his finger as he lets out an angry scream of his own and storms out of the kitchen. He heads straight for the staircase, but stops when he hears movement to the right of him. When he looks over his heart drops when he sees not only Blazey hiding behind an armchair, his mother sitting in it watching him with complete worry all over her face. There's no doubt she was listening to their argument, but he couldn't speak about now. He wiped his face once again before turning away and running up to his room.

  
It was late by the time Ian woke up from the nap that he cried himself into. Once he had entered his room earlier, he had been full of anger and with his last bit of energy he ended up tearing apart his room. He knocked books and papers off his desk, ripped posters off his walls, and even tore into one of his pillows. His tantrum didn't end until he threw himself under his covers and cried over his broken heart. This was the worse he had felt in his life. It was like his whole world was crashing down and all hope seemed loss. Barley and himself were never going to be close or even okay around each other ever again, and that hurt more than the fact that the older elf even forced himself onto Ian. As Ian sobbed he was sure the pain in his heart would never go away. His heart felt as if it'd stay cracked in two forever.  
Ian felt so pathetic. He wanted to go back and tell Barley that he didn't mean it, that hate was such a strong word and he could never feel that way towards him. Ian wanted to tell Barley that even after all he's done he still loved him and he didn't want them to be apart. However, he couldn't. He had just ruined _everything_ by holding onto such anger. He knew he had a valid reason to be but maybe there was another way he could've went about it instead of blowing up like that. Through his sobs, Ian couldn't help but cry out Barley's name. Some naive part of him hoped that maybe Barley would hear his pleas and come to him, but he knew it wouldn't happen. 

Ian also knew he should've probably been less judgey about Barley's possessive behavior with him before all this, because deep down he was just as possessive with his older brother, and he liked it having all of Barley's attention. He _loved_ it, and some could say that wasn't normal.

Now as Ian woke up, he felt as if he had nothing. He removed the covers from his head and wiped at the dried tears on his face as he looked around the mess of his room. He felt empty, mentally and physically but at least one of those changed when he heard a soft knock at his door. His mother opened it up and immediately looked around at the mess.   
"Wow..." She sighed as she turned to Ian, who just stared back at her with wide eyes.   
"S-Sorry." He sniffled and looked down in shame.  
"It's okay, it happens when you're upset." She walks in and sits next to him on his bed. Ian notices a large bag in her hands. "I'll help you clean it all up, after you eat this."   
Ian's heart leaped at the thought of food. His mother handed him the bag and he tried not to look too thrilled or else she'd know what Barley knew. However, as he opened the bag confusion fell over his face at the sight of _two_ burgers and _two_ sets of fries, a portion of food his brother normally ate. "Um...are you sure you didn't mean to give this to Barley?"  
"Actually...it was Barley who went out and got it." Laurel tells him. "After destroying _his_ room too, he took the keys to Guinevere and left. When I asked him where he was going he said just for a short drive. He returned an hour later with this and told me to give it to you."   
"Oh.." Ian sighed as he felt his heart fill with pain all over. He tried not to cry but his mother could tell he was on the verge of doing so.  
"Ian, what's going on?" She asks and runs her fingers through his hair. "You two have never shouted at each other before."   
"I know, it...it's just hard to talk about." Ian said and hoped that his mother would leave it at that.  
To his surprise she didn't push on. "You don't have to talk about it now if you don't want to. I can clearly see that...it hurts. But you know, Barley's real torn up about what happened too. He loves you, with all of his being, you know that. He just...he doesn't know how to help if you won't let him."  
"...Okay." Ian nodded and wiped his nose. "I'll try my best mom."   
Laurel rubbed small circles on her youngest son's back and smiled warmly. "I know you will sweetie. Just know, that sometimes Barleys emotions have a mind of their own."

_''Sometimes Barley's emotions have a mind of their own"_

Something suddenly went off in Ian's head. His mother's words repeated in his mind as she reached into the bag and pulled out the first burger and order of fries. "Now, he also said not to leave you alone until I've watched you eat all of this so come on, eat up!" She says. Ian gives her a small smile as he takes the burger. He can't help himself from moving closer to her and resting his head on her shoulder as he eats. Laurel kisses Ian's forehead. "I love you sweetheart."  
"I love you too mom." he tells her back.


	5. Chapter 5

These days felt long for Ian, longer than they should ever be. Time seemed to slow down the minute he woke up and it sped up like crazy while he slept. He was only used to this feeling when he was in a class or sitting through one of his mother's lectures he didn't want to hear. Those moments seemed like they were going to go on forever, but whenever he was with his friends, practicing magic, or with Barley time seemed to fly when he was having fun. There wasn't much of that these days, fun. There was only the memories of such times that ran in and out of his head every hour or so. Although he could feel himself slipping away, he prayed they stayed rooted in his heart and would continue to appear in his dreams. He didn't want time to remove them. 

Ian began eating on a normal basis again. He was sure any day now Barley would tell their mother if he didn't see any progress and she'd throw a fit. He knew that was something he didn't want to see so without saying a word to him, Ian would grab food from the kitchen whenever he felt the slightest bit of hunger. It was a bit easier now for him not to worry about running into Barley, because the older elf spent most of his time in his room as well. He left the door cracked just a little bit, Ian guessed to let his mother know that she could walk in whenever she wanted, but Ian doubted it was an invitation for him.  
Still, he wanted to make sure Barley knew he was eating, even if the older male was still upset with him. He made sure when he went to the kitchen he was loud enough so Barley would know he was in there, and as he past his door on the way back upstairs, he'd bite into a small section of his food and chew, hoping the older elf heard that as well. Ian hoped this way was working, although the longer he went without speaking with his brother the more his food began to taste...bland.

It's been a while since they ate together as a family as well. Laurel would come to their doors and ask about it, but Ian would always tell her that he's either working or he's simply not sure if it's a good idea just yet.  
"Okay...do you know when it will be?" She'd ask and he'd sigh when he saw the disappointment in her eyes.  
"I don't know mom, hopefully soon." Ian would tell her. "Just...give it a little more time."

She'd leave him be after that but Ian was always asking himself the same question too at time. When _would_ it be ok? He would run the question over and over in his head knowing he already knew the answer: never. He had gone too long without saying a word to Barley and the older elf hadn't said anything to him. It was rare that they saw each other around the house and Ian knew he played a big part in making sure that would happen. He was afraid of how Barley might see him or what his brother would possibly say to him. Would he tell him that they were better off just separated? Would say he hated him too? That was probably one of Ian's biggest regrets, because surely he didn't mean it. It was like his anger just grew a personality and spoke for him. 

That fact alone reminded him a lot about what his mother had said to him. ' _Sometimes_ _Barley's emotions have a mind of their own'_ was another sentence that he questioned a lot. Of course she hadn't known how deep he'd think into that, but Ian felt like there was some sort of code in that one statement, he just didn't know what it was. When he thought about it, Barley _did_ seem different whenever he scared potential love interest for Ian away. The younger elf figured that was jealousy, seeing how he too is used to having all of Ian's attention. When they had got into their heated argument, his brother hadn't completely changed but it was clear he was angry and frustrated with Ian's behavior.

Ian had to force himself to think about Barley's cold expression while the older elf pinned him down and did as he pleased. Shivers ran up and down his spine as he thought about how clear his motives were in his eyes. Yet, he still couldn't tell you which emotion was fully in control, seeing how he's never seen that such a look from him before these last two terrible events.

Ian wanted to ask somebody. His friend Sadalia was good at reading peoples energy's and faces so she'd maybe have an idea of what Barley was showing. But, he still didn't a single detail about what happened to him to leave his home. He wanted to keep it between him and Barley and for he knew, she could start asking questions as to why Barley had shown him such a face in the first place. He knew she was smart enough to figure things out with just a little push. Plus, he wasn't sure if her answer was going to be something he's already known or a real shocker.

He wasn't sure if her answer would be something he didn't want to hear.

Instead, Ian did research. He sat at his desk and opened his laptop, hoping to find possible answers on the internet. The main issue was, he didn't know where to start. He didn't want to google something along the lines of ' _Why_ _would someone you trust rape you_ '. He knew the answers would make him feel terrible. They'd find a way to make Barley seem like a monster, and Ian genuinely didn't want to believe that's what Barley was. Instead, he started with emotions. He first tried 'emotional motives' but didn't get much luck with that. He then asking 'what happens when emotions take over?' The answer that popped up basically explained that emotions can tend to becoming overwhelming when they are suppressed, often leading in actions that one may regret or feel bad about. Ian swallowed the lump in his throat as he continued to read more. He **needed** to know more. The further he read into the article, the deeper the points became, causing Ian to really wonder. 

Ian hovered his hands over his keyboard for about a full five seconds before typing in 'emotion recognition'. The first thing that popped up was 'emotion recognition in personality disorders'. Remembering that Barley did not seem to be himself, he pressed the link to an article on that. He hoped that this would tell him why Barley might've acted the way he did. He wanted to know if there was something he was missing. 

He wanted to know what was going through Barley's head when he did the things he did. 

But as quickly as it started, his research ended once his mother knocked on the door. He jumped at the sound and quickly closed his laptop before she walked in. He noticed her purse in her hand and keys in the other. "Hey honey, I have to go to the store really fast, do you think you could come with me?" she asked.  
"Umm, I'm kinda in the middle of something." Ian said, hoping that'd be enough, but the excuse was getting old and he knew it.   
"Please sweetheart? It won't take long." She pouted and Ian sighed.   
"Sure mom." He said and gave her a soft smile.   
She smiled back and went to close his door. "Great, see you downstairs."  
Once she was gone, Ian placed his laptop in his desk drawer and went to his closet to look for a better hoodie that'll hide the bruises. 

  
Ian made his way down the steps and saw his mother sitting on the couch, petting their dragon. Blazey immediately became excited and ran to jump at Ian's feet. He chuckled as he petted the small being before looking up to his mother.  
"Okay, ready when you are." he said.  
She stood up from the couch and walked over to him. "Great! Barley time to go!"   
Ian's smile immediately was wiped from his face. "Wait...what?" Ian looked at his mother confused, almost as if he feels he heard her wrong.  
"You're brother's coming with us." Laurel said as if it were nothing and Ian visibly panicked.   
"T-Then I'm not coming!" He said and stood back but she grabbed his hand to keep him in place.   
"Yes, you are. You already said you would." She told him before shouting once more for the other male. "Barley! We're about to leave!"  
"You didn't tell me Barley was coming!"  
"You didn't ask!" Ian frown angrily at his mother for such a response and she sighed. "Ian, you can't hide from him forever, and he can't hide from you. BARLEY! Don't make me come in there!" she shouted again.   
"Look, it's clear he doesn't want to come so why don't you and I just-"

Ian fell silent as Barley bedroom suddenly swung open. He felt his heart speed up when the older elf stepped out of his space and made himself present to the both of them. It was clear that Barley was **not** happy. He too gave his mother a look that just shouted 'I can't believe you're making me do this' as he walked over to the both of them. Barley's eyes eventually landed on Ian, and the smaller elf mentally scream as his face heated and he look away from his brothers gaze. 

"Ready to go?" Laurel asked him.   
"...yeah." He said without looking at her. 

Ian followed his mother out the door and stayed close behind her. He felt so childish but the anxiety he felt was no joke. He felt as if he were going to have a heart attack and all because he was finally forced to be next to his brother for the first time in almost two weeks. Ian didn't want to think about it and he certainly didn't want to talk about it. He wanted this store trip to be over as soon as it started. However, as he went to open the passenger side door, he noticed an abundance of bags and boxes in the seat.  
"Mom, you couldn't of put this stuff in the back?" He asked her, clearly frustrated.   
"It hadn't crossed my mind dear, I'm sorry." She said and his frustration grew when he realized this was probably done on purpose, as in she intended on making sure Ian was stuck in the back with his brother. "I know you're used to sitting up here but there's plenty of room in the back! Barley make room for him okay?"  
Ian slowly turned to look at his brother. Barley sighed before opening the back door and stepping to the side, clearly wanting Ian to go in first. The older elf didn't give Ian a second glance as he loaded himself into the back of the car. Ian scooted to the farthest corner and he hoped his small frame would save him from coming in contact with Barley's body. Surely as Barley got in, he stayed on his corner and made no attempt to get closer to Ian. Laurel began driving and Ian stared out the window the entire time as she spoke to Barley about one of her coworkers from her job or something. Ian's mind was elsewhere, wondering why he felt relieved but still pained that Barley didn't sit closer to him.

Majority of the car ride went smoothly, there was a point after Laurel had stopped talking that it was just dead silent. As awkward as it was, Ian was able to bear through it, maybe because his mother was there or he was distracting himself by counting how many yellow cars he saw on the street. It was all tolerable right up until they reached their destination. When their mother pulled into the parking lot of her favorite store. She opened her door, walked around to the passenger side, and removed all her bags from the seat. Both Ian and Barley waited for her to open their doors, but she hummed quietly as she grabbed the last bag and closed the door, **locking** it. 

Ian gave his mother a funny look and called out to her through the crack of the window. "Mom...mom! You forgot to open our doors."  
"Oh I didn't forget sweetie," She said before walking over to Ian side of the car and looking at him through the window. "that's why the windows are cracked."  
"Wait, _what_?" Barley asked sounding just as surprised and both he and Ian looked around noticing there mother did crack all of the windows. Enough for them to receive fresh air, but too little for them to reach their arms out the car.  
"You're staying here while I go return some of this stuff." Laurel said and Ian tried pulling the door handle again. "That's not gonna work sweetheart, the door's locked, remember?"  
"M-Mom, I'll do all the chores for a month, I'll pick up groceries, I-I'll even bathe Blazey!" Ian pleaded knowing that was a job no one liked doing seeing how the dragon fought back. "Just please, _please_ don't do this."   
"Sorry honey, but you know I have to." Laurel told him. "It's been too long and I miss seeing my boys happy, especially happy with each other. You need to figure it out."   
"Mom, if you don't open the door I'm gonna rip the handle off." Barley threatened and Laurel glared at him.   
"If there's even a **scratch** on this car when I get back I'll **beat** every dollar out of you to get it fixed mister! Don't try it." She said and Barley groaned before leaning back in his seat and looking out his window. Laurel turned back to Ian and her expression softened.   
"Mom...please." He tried one more time.   
"...I know you're scared Ian, but you can do it. I know you can do it." She said as she gave him a warm smile. "I'll be back soon." 

And with that, their mother had taken off. Ian watched her until she was out of sight and once she was gone, he was officially alone with Barley. It had been so long since they had been this close, and yet it felt as if they were miles away. Ian wondered how long his mother would be away. He wanted to hope it wouldn't take her more than ten minutes, but she did have a lot of bags, and she WAS the kind of person to get easily distracted by pretty things she liked. It'd be a miracle if she was back within half an hour. He had to hand it to her, this was a smart move. She managed to get them in the car, _lock_ them in, and leave them here to figure out there mess. Ian would never forget where he got his brains from again. 

But as smart as she was, she overestimated Ian. As he sat in silence next to the older man who hadn't given him a second glance, the same words ran over and over in his head: _I_ _can't_ _do this_. Ian's heartbeat was so loud, he prayed that Barley couldn't hear it. It was embarrassing how worked up he was when it seemed like Barley could give a crap about this entire situation. Ian looked out his window and tried distracting himself. He wanted to count the amount of red, blue, or yellow cars, but there were only about so many in the lot. Plus, their mother had parked in between two cars that were bigger than hers, so there wasn't much of anything he could view or even see.   
He looked at the car to his left and glanced at the one on his right and he immediately couldn't help but feel trapped. He hated this moment more than anything and the more he wished it was over, the longer it seemed to drag on. He wrapped his arms around himself in attempt to feel some sort of comfort because in any moment he was sure he'd explode with emotion. He was a coward, and though he knew it he continued to choose to run from his problems. He wanted to run out the car, away from Barley. But even as he thought that, he wanted Barley to chase after him, plead with him, beg him to stay. Ian felt his heart throb at the thought of something that would never happen. He closed his eyes and continued to sit there while wallowing in his self-pity and silence. 

  
"I just don't get it."

  
Ian's eyes snapped open and he turned to Barley. Though Ian knew he wasn't looking at anything the older elf hadn't removed his eyes from the window, but Ian definitely heard him talk. "...don't get what?" Ian asked almost as whisper as he looked down at his feet.   
"You told mom that you went away in hiding, because some guy from school had hurt you." Barley stated. "But it's clear that was a lie, we established that. What I don't get is if _I'm_ really the one causing you pain, why didn't you just tell her it's me?"  
Ian shook his head and intertwined his fingers together. "I couldn't do that."  
"But it's easier to lie."  
Ian shook his head again, harder this time. "No! I hate that I lied, b-but I have to."  
"I don't get why."   
Ian looked at Barley, who now stared at the back of the passenger seats headrest. "I don't understand how you don't get it."   
"I don't understand when you say that either." Barley tells him. "Have you talked to anyone about it?"  
"No." Ian says sternly.  
Barley scoffs and rubs his hands over his face. "So let me get this straight, I'm doing something that causing you to hide from everyone, starve yourself, and panic whenever you see me but you refuse to talk to anyone about it. If it's so bad why not say something?"  
"Because once I do, I know you'll be separated from me and my heart will break all over again." Ian mumbled. For the first time since they got in the car, Barley looked at Ian. The younger elf caught himself trapped in Barley's mesmerized gaze. He quickly looked back at his feet and another long silence filled the car. Ian wanted to say something, but he didn't know what to say or where to start. 

Luckily for him, Barley already had his words in order. "You know, once you were born I was kind of worried."  
"W-Worried?" Ian repeated wondering what his brother meant by that. Was there something different about him at birth? Did Ian not turn out to be what Barley thought he'd be?  
"Yeah, I was worried that all of moms attention would go to you, and I'd be a thing of the past. A silly part of me hoped that maybe mom could change her mind about taking you home or whatever, you know silly kid thoughts," Barley said. "But after a couple hours of me being in the hospital waiting and feeling alone, mom finally called me in her room to look at you. The moment I laid eyes on you, I just knew...you were gonna mean everything to me."  
Ian's eyes widened and he unconsciously moved a bit closer to Barley as the older elf continued to talk. "I remember always just trying to be gentle with you, because you just seemed so...delicate. I'd do whatever it took to make you smile or giggle as a baby, I taught you whatever you needed to know to get on just fine without me in elementary school and on, and I knew whatever you asked me for, I would stop what I was doing to get you what you wanted. Mom said I treated you like a prince, but in my eyes you were worth more than a prince."   
Ian shifted again so he could get closer to Barley. The older elf seemed oblivious to Ian's movements as he went on.  
"I...I always told myself no matter what I would never _ever_ let you down. I would always be who you needed me to be, I'd never mess that up. But these last couple of weeks, I feel like I've done nothing _but_ fail you. I've screwed us up and the worst part about it is I don't even know where I went wrong. I thought it over so many times, I lost so many nights of sleep tracing back my steps in the days to see where I might've slipped up. I started noticing that some days, I'm missing complete chunks, so I started writing them down! I've done everything you can think of to figure out where I went wrong and I just can't see it. I don't understand why I can't-"

Barley froze as he felt Ian brush against his arm. He turned and finally realized that the younger elf had completely moved seats to sit next to him. From the looks of it, Ian wasn't so conscious that he had moved so close either. He couldn't explain it, his body just eventually started moving on its own. However, now that Barley was looking at him, he felt so embarrassed he could die.   
"I-I'm sorry!" He exclaimed before moving to back up.  
"No!" Barley took Ian's hand and held him in place. He interlocked their fingers and looked sadder than he ever had. "Please, please don't go."   
Ian wanted to cry. Not because he was scared of Barley but he was scared of why it felt so nice for Barley to beg him to stay while holding his hand. Ian's heart leaped with actual joy as he rubbed his thumb across Barley's knuckles. When he looked at his brother, he saw nothing but desperation and admiration. "You...you really don't _know_...do you?" Barley shook his head and for the first time...Ian believed him. "Okay...I'll figure this out."   
"I'm sorry Ian. I wish you could tell me where I went wrong. I-I know you don't want to say it but I can't stand to know that you hate me and-" 

Finally, the dam broke.

Ian threw himself at Barley and he wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him as if he was going to lose him. "I'm sorry Barley, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean that, I could never hate you. Of course I love you!" Ian sobbed in the crook of Barley's neck. He didn't think twice before fixing himself to sit in his brothers lap and letting all his pent up emotions pour out.   
"I love you too Ian," Barley said as he squeezed Ian back, a feeling the smaller elf missed. "I missed you so much."   
"I m-missed you too," Ian nuzzled into Barley impossibly closer. "Can I please just stay like this?"  
"I already told you, I'll give you anything you want." Barley said as he ran his fingers through Ian's curls. He chuckled softly. "I used to hold you like this all the time when we were smaller, usually after you cut your knee or something."   
Ian found himself laughing at the memory through his tears. "Figures. You can pretend like we're kids again if you want, just don't let me go."   
Barley rests his head on Ian's, settling into their position. "Never."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update coming soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if there are a lot of typos in this chapter, i was kind of in a rush before I had to go out. Anyway hope you like.

Ian mind was in absolute shambles.

  
A lot had happened in the past month. The stress from being so distant from Barley had for the main part melted away, but time to time he still thought about how long they went without speaking to one another. He tended to wonder if that could happen again and what _else_ could possibly happen again. Ian knew there was a strong chance Barley would unintentionally attack him again. It shook him to his core thinking about the first and second time it happened. He didn't want to think there would be a third, but there weren't many signs that it wouldn't come sooner or later. 

Ian was ecstatic when he and Barley made up. It felt so good to be held by the older male and like promised Barley hadn't let him go until he ended up tearing himself to sleep. When he woke up he found himself in his bed with a plate of food on his night stand that read ' _When you wake up eat this, Barley_ '. As he ate the dinner his brother made him, Ian could only think about how Barley held him. It made him feel warm inside but as comfortable as he was in Barley's arms, Ian began to question why that really was the case. This man had raped him twice and still Ian found it in his heart to forgive him while _wanting_ to be loved again to no end. Once he thought about that, Ian took a step back and looked at himself for a moment. He was so busy thinking about how Barley behaved around him, Ian didn't think about if he fed into that behavior, if he was the one who encouraged it.   
The truth was, Ian wouldn't know what he'd do if Barley suddenly just stopped showing him affection and treating him deeper than a brother. Just being away from him for two weeks nearly caused the smaller elf to lose it. How would he behave when Barley moved out? How would he behave when his brother found himself a girlfriend and suddenly all of his attention was no longer only for Ian? These were questions Ian never really asked himself, because he simply assumed...he and Barley would be by each other's side forever. 

The real question was, why did he assume such suggestive thing?

Ian chose not to think about it. He couldn't afford to and get his head more mixed up than it already was. Right now, he had to figure out why exactly Barley wasn't able to tell what he was doing. It shocked the younger elf that he believed Barley when he told him he didn't know what was happening, but the look in his eyes just screamed genuine confusion and sorrow. Ian had no choice but to believe him, because if he just continued to assume Barley was faking it, nothing would get fixed.   
Instead, he knew he had to solve what was happening on his own. He still refused to tell his mother, unsure of how she'd take the news even if he added that Barley wasn't doing it intentionally. He chose a day to sit down and spend a lot of time just looking up possible answers. A majority of the time he stayed on sites that explained mental disorders that dealt with personality changes. Ian just had a feeling something was going on in Barley's head when he looked at him with those sharp cold eyes that simply shouldn't of been going on. Fear instantly filled his heart whenever he thought about them. They just didn't seem like...Barley.

There were a could of sites that pointed out clues as to figuring out if someone's had a personality swap. One site said how such a disorder could form from childhood trauma. From what Ian could tell Barley wasn't traumatized. Sure, he lost their dad at a very young age, but the trauma they were referring to seemed different. Plus, Barley always told Ian how he definitely felt better after getting to say goodbye _because_ of Ian and he's expressed on a number of occasions that it wasn't all bad growing up.  
"I never really felt alone, you know." Barley had said to him one day. "I still had mom, and once you were born, I had you!"  
Ian continued to do his research and the deeper he went, the more worried he became. A lot of the disorders he read about weren't curable. It made him question if that meant Barley would always be trying to rape him. He shook the thought out of his head as he read up on how there WERE ways to keep personality switches at bay. 

First, he needed to see if it were true.

Ian closed his laptop and made his way out of his room. As he walked down the steps he ran the questions he intended to ask his brother over in his head. He hoped Barley didn't give him any of the answers he was looking for, but then again he hoped he did. If he didn't, that would simply mean Ian was nowhere closer to finding out the truth. He walked down the stairs and was glad to see Barley was right there in the living room watching tv. Ian cleared his throat, making himself known.   
Barley turned around and gave Ian one of his signature wide smiles. "Hey Ian!" He chirped.   
Ian smiled back, immediately feeling good that Barley was in a swell mood. Like his own, Barley's mood had changed ever since they made up, except Barley's was more cheerful and bold like usual. Of course, Ian never complained. "Hey Barley," He greeted his brother back before taking a seat right next to him. Another development that Ian was able to make on his own. "What you watching?"  
"Something about the history of wizards, it's mostly repetitive for me at this point." Barley stated and Ian couldn't help but giggle. "What you up to?"   
"Nothing really, I was kinda hoping I-I could ask you something?" Ian said and Barley turned so he was facing his brother.  
"Sure! What's up?"   
Ian cleared his throat once more. "Well, do you ever like, not feel like yourself?" Ian asked him.   
"Well, sure. There's plenty of moments when I get bummed out or stressed about something and it just changes my whole mood."   
"N-No, I meant like...do you ever have characteristic changes?" Ian rephrased his question hoping that would've made it a little more clear. He didn't want to hint to Barley that he was trying to figure out if he had a disorder or not. He felt it might throw his brother off and remove him from his naturally happy state, causing him to maybe not be so honest.   
"Uhh," Barley sat for a moment clearly thinking about it. "I guess so? But it's rare."  
"Rare how? And when?" Ian pressed on.  
"I don't really know how to describe it," Barley says. "I guess one moment be fine and then...thoughts, will cross my mind. Next thing I know, hours have gone by and I just don't remember what I was doing in between all that time. I assume I just blackout when I think."

Ian's eyes widen. He feels his palms become clammy and he had a strong feeling he knows exactly what that is. He watches Barley closely and he can't help but notice there was a shift in his behavior once he mentioned he had thoughts. It wasn't an alarming shift where Ian felt he was in danger, but it was noticeable enough where he knew...Barley was hiding something. Maybe these thoughts were what were triggering Barley's blackouts, and maybe the blackouts were when Barley did the unthinkable. 

"What do you mean 'thoughts'?" Ian asked.   
"I...Just regular everyday stuff." Barley said and Ian questioned his hesitation.   
"Like what?"   
"Just stuff," Barley repeated before getting up from his spot on the couch. "I'll be back."   
Ian watched Barley walk off towards the kitchen. Now he was _sure_ Barley was hiding something and he didn't want to waste a second figuring it out. He stood up and follows after his brother. He knew Barley was becoming uncomfortable with all the questions, but Ian just had to know. He wanted to have a full understanding of exactly what it is that's causing Barley to turn aggressive. As Ian made his way to the kitchen, he couldn't help but feel slightly urked by the fact that Barley was clearly trying to keep something from him. The guy told him everything, so why was now different?   
As Ian entered the kitchen, he saw Barley hunched over looking into the fridge. When the older elf noticed Ian's presence, he stood up and chuckled awkwardly.   
"Was I gone that long?" He tried joking.   
"No it wasn't that. I just...I just don't think random everyday thoughts trigger blackouts." Ian said. "You haven't done that in the past."   
"...Maybe I've recently developed them." Barley said as he made his way over to the counter and shuffle things around with his back to his brother, trying to make it seem like he's organizing; a clear sign to Ian that Barley's still hiding information.   
"But why would you now be developing something like that?"   
"I don't know Ian," Barley said as he looked over his shoulder. "Is there a reason you're asking all this?"  
"I'm just trying to figure out why you're lying to me." Ian said, keeping his irritation out of his voice.   
"I-I'm not-" Barley sighed before turning back around. "Ian we can't talk about this."   
"What?" Ian asked. "Why not?"   
"Because we just can't!" Barley brushed him off but Ian wasn't allowing it.   
"Barley, I need to know what's going through your mind before those blackouts." He said firmly.   
"Well I'm not telling you, so I guess that's the end of that." Barley said back.   
"How long have you had these thoughts?" Ian pressed on, ignoring the fact that he's pushing past boundaries. "Can you at least tell me that?"   
"Ian-"   
"For all I know, it's been like years and it's just been building up." Ian cut him off before he could be rejected again.   
" _Ian_ -"  
"I have to know what's happening with you!" Ian said. "Is it about me? Did I do something, have you been secretly upset with me this entire time?"

This time there was no answer. Ian groaned, figuring that Barley had decided to ignore him. "Barley! I need you to tell me." He repeated himself only to be ignored again. Ian could feel his frustration growing but he took a deep breath and allowed it to melt away. The last thing he needed was to end up fighting with his brother again. "Barley, I'm sorry." Ian said as he approached the older male. He watched as Barley's hands suddenly gripped the counter and squeezed. Ian didn't know what that was about but he really hoped it wasn't out of anger. "Come on Barley, really I'm so-"   
As Ian raised his hand to place on his brothers back, he froze in place. He didn't know why, or how, but something went off in his head like a bell. A small voice spoke to him and it was only saying one thing: 

' _It's not him_.'

Ian lowered his hand and stepped back, recalling the last time what happened when Barley didn't answer his call. The smaller elf felt his heart begin to race and he froze in place, apart of him still foolishly hoping it wasn't true. It would've been almost too perfect for it to be true. Once again their mother was no where to be seen in the house, and Ian still hadn't fully gained all of his strength back from the not eating.   
Slowly Barley turned around to face Ian, and there they were staring each other down. Ian couldn't look away from the eyes that had caused him such pain twice already. He only saw them here, in these frightening intense moments. They couldn't belong to Barley, they just couldn't have.

"Wh...W-Who a-are you?" Ian found enough courage to ask.   
The older elf stared at him for a moment shut and before giving him a smile that caused Ian to drop to his knees. On the floor, Ian covered his mouth as he felt he was about to throw up. He squeezed his eyes shut and counted to ten, hoping his stomach would settle and not flip out at what was going to happen next. As much as Ian knew this was mostly going to happen again, he still knew there was no way he could fully prepare himself. Honestly, who could?   
This wasn't Barley, it didn't even feel close. Ian found himself able to back his vomit but he knew it would come back up again later, whether he escaped now or not. He coughed a couple of times before opening his eyes. He gasped and grabbed at the floor when he saw Barley on one knee only inches from him on the ground. Ian felt himself begin to hyperventilate as he looked into Barley's sharp eyes.   
"W-Who-"  
"You know who I am." The older elf said and Ian's eyes widened in horror. This person had just spoken to him for the first time...and he didn't like it. 

Ian didn't think twice about what his brother had said. He lifted hands and quick as he could and shoved Barley away from him before turning and running out of the kitchen. He never shoved his brother before, but Ian would apologize for whatever he had to do to Barley later...if he successfully got away. Unfortunately, he knew Barley was at least five times stronger than he was, so the older male only fell back a little before he was right after Ian. Terror filled Ian's heart as he tripped and quickly tried to get back up. As he ran, he knew he failed the minute Barley grabbed his hair and yanked him back. Ian hissed in pain and scratched at Barley's hand but no matter how hard her dug his nails in his brothers skin there seemed to be no effect.   
Barley pulled Ian back before throwing him on the couch. Ian ignored the burning in his scalp as he looked around and realized, this place was going to be ruined for him next. He would never again be able to watch his tv with his mother or brother the same again without thinking about how he was violated for the third time in that space he once called safe. Ian whimpered at the thought and cried out once Barley grabbed at his pants.   
"N-No!" Ian shouted as he pushed Barley's hands away from him. "No, stop!! Get **off** me!!"   
Barley ignored his cries and as he began to struggle removing Ian's pants, he switched and worked on holding the younger elf down instead. Still, Ian fought back with everything he had. "S-STOP! Please, you can't do this! Why won't you stop?!"   
"Ian." The older elf gritted his teeth and Ian temporarily froze from hearing his name, before struggling even more.   
"LET GO OF ME! I said let **GO**!" Ian said as he bit at Barley's large hand that tired covering his mouth.   
"Ian!" He growled down at him, clearly becoming angry and Ian watched him back with the same amount of anger in his eyes.   
"I won't stop fight you! You aren't him, you aren't Barley!" Ian spat. "He'd never do this! I should've _**known**_ he'd never do this!"   
"Shut **UP**."   
" _NO,_ " Ian shouted at the top of his lungs. "Let **GO OFF** -" 

' _SLAP!_ '

  
Ian's entire body went stiff. His eyes widened as he registered the fact that the sting he felt in his cheek just came from Barley's hand. He turned to look at the elf hovering above him, hoping Barley would tell him that is wasn't true, that Ian was imagining things. He wanted it to be a lie that Barley had struck Ian. However, there was no remorse or regret in his brothers eyes. Just the same anger and aggression as he began to work at Ian's pants again.  
This time Ian didn't fight, he didn't even move. He turned to his side and sobbed softly into his hands. He felt so weak and like a coward. He knew there was nothing he could really do in this moment, but one thought came to mind. He could do what he always did when he was in trouble, when he needed help no matter where he was or how simple or serious the situation was. He could pray that his guardian would come and save him. 

"Barley," Ian sobbed into his hands as he hid his face. "Barley...please, help me..." 

Ian continued to cry, until something was suddenly different. Though his lower half was finally fully exposed, he no longer felt large hands on his body and in fact they felt kind of distant.   
"...Ian?"   
The small elf's eyes opened, recognizing this voice. It seemed different from the one he had just heard yelling at him, it was more familiar. However, it still seemed confused. Ian slowly turned his head and glanced out from the palm of his hands. He gasped, looking up at the older elf on top of him. He sat back, breathing hard, and shaking in the hands. Ian's eyes widened when he looked into the adjacent pair and saw they were no longer sharp or scary, but more confused and terrified. Ian's little heart dropped when he realized who he was now looking at.

"B...Barley?" He asked through his sniffles.   
"I-" Barley visibly shook and it was clear to Ian his brother was looking over at what he had just done. Not only did he have Ian halfway naked under him, but the tears staining the couch and dark mark on his cheek made it clear exactly what he was about to do. "I-Ian?!" 

Ian could see the horror in his brother's eyes. He doesn't understand why this was happening now, HOW it was happening, but this was Barley with him now, HIS Barley. He just wasn't sure if that was a good thing, seeing how the older elf caught him. Ian wanted to say something, anything really but he wasn't sure where to start. He opened his mouth to try and form some words, but before he could Barley grabbed at his hair and he quickly hopped up off Ian. He gave Ian a look that screamed regret, before he ran off to his room. 

Ian was left there, to process what had happened and what he was going to do now. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving!

Hands down, this had been the worst month and a half of Ian's life. 

  
There was just so much happening, and nothing was going his way. The worst part was, just as he thought he had it all together, it all spiraled out of control once more. He's been a wreck trying to keep his mother oblivious to the whole situation. He was doing alright at the start, but now he wasn't so sure how long he'll go without cracking and telling her everything. He had the urge to sometimes, and he'd have to bite his tongue when she'd ask him about himself or the no longer fully sane Barley. 

It's been a week and a half since Barley locked himself in his room and hadn't come out. Ian should've expected it, seeing how he was finally aware of why Ian wasn't so happy with him. It was the _way_ he found out that made things ten times worse. Ian still remembered the horror that flashed in Barley's eyes and he just knew it in that moment his brother was scarred for life. Of course Ian would never be the same, but Barley wasn't even _aware_ of anything. Ian knew the older elf figured when Ian said he was hurting him, he didn't mean something so intense, so horrific; something that could possibly mess them both up forever. 

Dissociative identity disorder. 

  
Ian had found the answer he was looking for. After Barley's last attack, he panicked for a little bit before immediately hopping online and finding out what this all meant. He couldn't believe what he was reading, but all the signs were there. His brother had another personality. Ian's attacker wasn't exactly Barley but someone else who was simply using his body. It was such a scary thought, and Ian never thought he'd ever have to see something like it in person. It made his skin crawl thinking that someone who wasn't Barley was in their home. Just completely terrifying.   
The only thing that didn't link up was the trauma part. Like Barley had mentioned to Ian before, there really wasn't any major trauma as he grew up. The loss of their dad was heartbreaking but not the end of the world, Laurel had never shown any signs of abuse towards either of her sons and Ian doubted that it even crossed her mind, and Barley seemed unbothered by literally anything...except when Ian spoke to guys at his school or out in public.  
It made him wondered if there really was something in Barley's past that he didn't tell him about. When Barley mentioned he had thoughts, he could see the immediate regret of even mentioning it once Ian started questioning him about them. If they were that bad, maybe Barley should've just told Ian and that was all the younger elf wanted. But now questioning him about it wasn't an option, because Barley was in no mental state to do or say anything. 

Ian missed his brother with everything in him. He still had his mother and Blazey but the lonely feeling in his chest only grew stronger with each day he didn't see Barley. If this was how it felt for the older elf when Ian hid away, Ian was surely going to apologize when he did see Barley again. Time to time their mother would knock on his door and hoped to hear from Barley. Unlike Ian who chose to speak to their mom when he was locked away, Barley didn't say a word. No matter what she said or asked, there was a defining silence that came from the other side of the door. She'd bite her lip and walk away when it was clear he wasn't going to speak. It was clear the stress of having her other son ignore her was getting to her.   
Ian watched her one day as she brought him a plate of his favorite dinner. She knocked the door, hoping to hear something.   
"Barley sweetie?" She called out. "I have dinner for you. Would you please open the door so you could eat?"   
She didn't receive an answer back and it tore a piece in Ian's heart to watch a single tear drop fall from her eye. "O-Okay, I'll just...leave it here." 

Ian was heartbroken for their mother. He just knew in her head she felt she was doing something wrong so Ian tried to constantly comfort her and let her know it wasn't her fault at all. She asked him if he knew what was going on but Ian would shake his head and lie.   
"I-I think he had a bad fall out with his friends." He'd say and he hoped she believed him.   
"I just want him to be okay." She told him and Ian nodded.   
"Don't worry mom, you both were there for me, so I'll be there for you and Barley." Ian told her sternly. "I-I'll make sure he eats."

Which is exactly what Ian did. Whenever he mother would cook for Barley, he'd go back an hour later to make sure the plate was up. Barley's never been the type to miss a meal because from all the roughhousing and his daily active behavior, he needed the calories to be able to keep up with himself. Ian would literally hate to see his brother as small as him, knowing that wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Barley took pride in his size and so did Ian, he couldn't allow the older elf to forget that.

For the most part Barley ate his meals. Ian would come down from his room and either the plate of food would be gone or it would sit on the outside of the door with nothing on it. However, there had been one day when Barley wasn't eating. Ian had brought him his breakfast but when he came back an hour later, it was still sitting there. He figured maybe the older elf would eat lunch instead since there were times Barley did skip breakfast. But when he brought him his lunch, it hadn't been touched. Around dinner time is when Ian began to worry because that plate had gone untouched as well. He took a deep breath before reheating all three meals and walking over to his brother's bedroom door.  
Ian hesitated, but knocked, realizing this would be the first time he had spoken to Barley since the whole "awakening."  
"H-Hi, Barley," The younger elf mumbled, a little afraid of what would come next. As expected there was no sound, but he felt his heart leap when he heard shuffling from the other side of the door. It was small, but it was an indicator that Barley was there, that he had heard Ian and that was good enough for him. "I saw you didn't eat anything I left out...is there a reason you didn't?"  
No response, but Ian knew to expect that. "You didn't eat breakfast, lunch, _or_ dinner...and that's just not like you. I-I know I should be the last to talk, but...I don't want you to get sick Barley. So I reheated everything. I remade your toast from breakfast and I added more ketchup to your fries from lunch. I'm gonna leave it all at the door again. I...I know you won't come out if I'm by the door, but I'll come back in an hour to see if you picked it up...Bye Barley." 

Ian rubbed the wood on his brothers door before heading towards the staircase to go to his own room. However, he stopped and waited by the steps. He peeked his head out to look down the hallway and did his best to be as quiet as a mouse. He knows he said he'd give Barley an hour, but he really wanted to make sure his brother was going to take the food. To his surprise, he didn't have to wait long. He held his breath and gripped the stair railing as he watched Barley's door slowly open. He felt joy yet nerves fill his heart when Barley reached his hand out and pulled in all three plates, one at a time. He closed his door right after and locked it. Ian hadn't expected himself to feel so happy that Barley listened to his plea and he felt even better when he came down an hour later to see that all the plates where on the outside of his door, completely clean.  
Ian had to admit that it felt good to speak with Barley, it helped a little bit with his lonely feeling but he knew eventually he was going to want more. Seeing Barley's smile was the best part about talking with him. It was like the older elf was entertained by anything Ian said and for a skinny kid who was quite anti-social and afraid to speak his mind often, that went a long way. Barley always made him feel welcome to talk to him, no matter where or when it was. 

As Ian went to sleep that night, he had a dream but it wasn't a normal dream. It was a perfect visible memory. He woke up in his bed, but he was younger, around twelve or thirteen. He also seemed to be sweating and a little frantic. A large explosion like sound could be heard from the outside of his window and Ian nearly jumped out of his skin and he turned and watched the rain coming down. That's right, Ian nearly forgot how he was afraid of lightening and thunder at one point in his life. He wasn't so open to telling people about it, because he felt someone would make fun of him or tell him he's too old to be afraid of such a thing. As much as Ian wished he weren't afraid, he could help but jump and run out of his room when a bright light flashed in the sky followed by the loud crack of thunder.   
His little heart raced as he made his way downstairs, already knowing where he was going. He didn't think twice before opening Barley's bedroom door and shutting himself inside. He ran up to the older elf who had to be at least fifteen or sixteen, and shook him.  
"Barley...B-Barley!" Ian shout whispered.   
The older elf groaned before his eyes opened and looked to see a very unhappy Ian next to him. "Ian? What's wrong?" Barley asked but when thunder made it's self present again and Ian flinched, Barley nodded. "Oh, the thunder. You scared?"   
Ian turned to him, seeming annoyed. "I'm not scared! It's just louder near my room and I can't sleep."  
Barley smirked causing Ian to puff his cheeks in annoyance. "Is that really the best excuse you came up with?"  
Ian groaned before climbing on top of Barley's bed and hopping into his brother's lap as he laughed. "Don't laugh at me! You're such a jerk, why'd I even come down-"   
A bright light flashed again before an earth shaking blast of thunder struck, causing Ian to scream and bury his face in his brother's chest. Ian shook and couldn't help but cry as he gripped Barley's sleeves. "W-Why...why is it s-so loud?" Ian pouted as he continued to cry.   
He remembered feeling so embarrassed and like a child, but when he felt his brother's fingers run through his curls, the world seemed to stop. "Oh Ian," Barley spoke softly. "It's okay to be afraid."   
Ian looked up and sniffled. "I-It is?"  
"Of course it is, everyone's afraid of something." Barley told him and smiled warmly, bringing Ian immediate comfort.  
"What are you afraid of?" Ian asked.   
Barley wiped one of Ian's tears and chuckled to himself. "Losing you."   
Thunder filled the room again and Ian clung tighter to his brother. He crawled up until his face was buried in the side of Barley's neck. The older elf seemed to understand that Ian wasn't going anywhere, so he wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his back and until he fell asleep. Ian had never felt so much safer from lightening or thunder and eventually he was no longer afraid. He knew Barely would protect him. 

Ian woke up, for real this time. He sat up and thought about the memory. He suddenly noticed his face was wet and when he wiped it, he saw he had been tearing in his sleep. Ian shook as he felt himself begin to silently cry. He looked outside and saw it was raining. There was no lightening or thunder, and though Ian wasn't afraid anymore he kind of wished there was. Maybe, just maybe then would Barley let him in his room so that he could comfort him all over again. So that Ian could be reminded that he was safe with his brother. 

Instead, Ian stood up and made his way to his mothers room. He just didn't feel like being alone. He knocked before walking in. She was asleep in her bed, but her nightstand lamp was on. Ian approached her and was about to tap her when he noticed some papers on her stand. He wasn't the type to be nosy but a certain name written out in a large font caught his attention. ' _BARLEY LIGHTFOOT_.'   
Ian didn't fully read what he saw, he skimmed along the line, assuming it might've been just Barley's birth certificate or something. But as he continued to skim, he found himself looking at something that he's never thought he'd see in his mothers room. The papers seemed to be test results of some sort, scheduling for therapy AND psychologist meetings, there was a chart for Barley's...moods? At the top of the page Ian saw the name _Dr. Kaleb Doughtery_ on the line of doctors name. 

Ian shared every doctor he had with Barley, dentist, eyes, general health, all of them...he never heard of anyone named Kaleb Doughtery. 

Ian was tempted to just leave his mother alone and just continue to read through the papers, to figure what this all meant, but Laurel started to stir. Quickly Ian organized the papers back to how he found them and turned off the night stand, hoping to make it seem as if he just got in there. Finally when Laurel woke up, she felt Ian's hand on her arm and reached to hold it.  
"Ian, is that you?" She asked.  
"Yeah, it's me." Ian replied. "I...had a dream and just wanted to talk to you."   
"Oh," Laurel turned on her nightstand lamp, and Ian could help but notice she immediately went to clean up the papers.   
"What's that?" He asked innocently.  
"Oh just some medical records I was trying to get into order." She said. "What did you dream about?"

Ian immediately recalled his dream and his mind no longer was focused on the papers. He felt a sharp pain in his heart as he recalled how his brother used to hold and comfort him. The pain must've been obvious because Laurel's face immediately dropped and she reached her arms out to him. Ian dropped down next to her on the bed and hugged her back.

"I miss Barley." He told her as she rubbed circles on his back.  
"Me too." She agreed and kissed him on his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come next chapter, have a good day!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update, I had a crazy finals week. Anyway, here's the eight chapter.

Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. 

Ian's counted sixty three as a whole how many times he walked a straight line back and forth in his room. He felt full of energy, but the shakiness in his hands and jittery feeling that ran up and down his spine told him that it was all nerves. His legs had grown tired from the repeated motion, but he was in no mood to sit. He considered taking a walk, but he wasn't in the mood for that either. He wasn't really in the mood for anything and if he was, his mind was too busy trying to process other information. 

_Kaleb Doughtery_. 

The name continued to run through Ian's head. He hadn't told his mother that he saw the papers on her nightstand. Instead, he spent the remainder of last night by her side, listening to her vent about the whole situation and tell him about her favorite memories of her boys. His heart hurt for his mother, and he had a feeling it was going to be a while before it fully healed. She had been putting on such a brave face while being completely left in the dark with what was happening. First, Ian's disappearance and now Barley's, it was hard. Ian wanted nothing more but for her to feel better and be able to understand...but that's just not realistic. She'd be **ruined** mentally if he ever told her what Barley was doing unintentionally. It was a secret Ian intended to bring to his grave. 

It made him wonder if his mother had any secrets she intended to take to her grave...like who Kaleb Doughtery was and why hadn't Ian ever heard of him. Curiosity got the best of Ian. The following morning he looked up the name. He just had to know who this was and what kind of doctor he is that couldn't be shared with Ian. When it came down to Barley and Ian doing everything together, it literally came down to everything, including doctor visits. They shared the same dentist, general doctor, Otolaryngologists, orthopedist, at one point therapist...but never a psychologist. Based off Ian's search, Kaleb Doughtery is a psychologist that specializes with kids mental state. From the dates on the papers in his mothers room, it looked like Barley had seen this doctor about a decade and a couple years ago, basically before Ian was even eight. 

Why would Barley have needed to see a psychologist at such a young age? Was there something wrong with him at the age eleven? If so, why didn't their mom tell him?

Ian's pacing continued as he tried to figure out what he'd do; would he ask her about it, or leave it be? He didn't know how to approach her about it. She could get mad that he was looking through her things and he didn't want that to happen. Ian was clever; clever than most his age and he was sure he could find a way to bring it up without making himself look obvious, he just wasn't one hundred percent on how. Eventually, he got tired of trying to figure out what the right thing to do was. Instead, he exited his room and decided he was going to do what he wanted. He needed to know. Ian had discovered a lot about Barley within this last month and if there was ever a time to keep finding out more information, it would be now. For all he knew it really wasn't all that bad, it was just the nerves eating at him that was telling him that it would be.   
But, Ian sucked it up and made his way down the stairs. He was happy to have spotted his mother right in the living room, on the phone. She turned and gave him a small smile before returning to her conversation with who Ian could only assume was one of her friends. He was glad at least they were helping keeping her happy. Ian glanced at his brothers bedroom door that was still locked before taking a deep breath, realizing he was about to possibly mess up his mother's temporary happiness.

"Hey mom," He greeted her, hoping what he had planned wouldn't fall through.   
Laurel turned to him once more before pausing the conversation she was having with her friend. "Hold that thought real quick...yeah, Ian's talking to me. Hey sweetie, what's up?"   
"Well...I was wondering, I'm doing this...project for school a-and I needed to collect data on something." Ian lies through his teeth.   
"Oh okay, I'm not one hundred percent sure how much I can help but I'll try!" Laurel said placing the phone on her chest. "What's the subject?"  
"It's...more of a mental thing. Like have you ever known anyone, anyone at all, who's shown like a pattern of...weird behavior? Behavior that isn't really there own and it makes you question i-if that's really even them?"   
Ian failed to notice the skeptical look his mother was giving him. "Weird...behavior?"   
"Y-Yeah! Like you know how some things are just like _whatever_ weird but some things are like...see a doctor weird?" Ian said. He froze when he noticed his mother's smile had faded and she had a stern look in her eye, as if she had just figured something out. Ian wasn't sure how he was supposed to approach her about what he wanted to know, but he figured this way was a way to somewhat ease her into telling him information about his brother. 

Instead, he might've just made it harder on himself. Turns out, he wasn't clever enough to outsmart his mother.

Ian watched Laurel raise her phone back to her ear. "Hey, I'm gonna have to call you back."   
As she hung up the phone without waiting for much of a reply, Ian faltered realizing he **really** took the wrong approach. "T-That's okay mom, I just needed to know for-"   
"Hush!" she said as she placed her hand over his mouth. Laurel turned to Barley's door and Ian did the same. She turned back to Ian and pulled him to sit down next to her. "What's this really about?"   
"What do you mean? I just wanted to know-ow!"   
"IAN, tell me the truth mister!" Laurel yell whispered as she pulled at one of Ian's cheeks. "Did you read those papers on my nightstand?!"  
"I...I didn't!" Ian lied but when his mother's grip became tighter, he had no choice but to give in. "O-Okay! Okay, I did! I did."   
"Since when do you snoop through things that aren't yours?!" His mother asked and released him. "And why did you lie about it!"  
Ian rubbed his cheek and leaned back on the couch. "I'm sorry! It's just...I didn't really know how to bring it up. I never heard of someone named Kaleb Doughtery before. I've never been to this guys office, but Barley has."  
"And...this bothers you?" Laurel asked.   
Ian thought about it for a moment before answering. "It doesn't bother me too much I suppose, I just wanted to know why he had to see a psychologist and how come you never told me about it?!"  
"I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was a big deal, it was nothing!" She responded but Ian wasn't happy with that.   
"It sure didn't seem like it." He said before leaning closer and whispering softer. "Why did Barley have a psychologist at eleven?" 

His mother gave him a blank stare for a moment. Ian knew she was figuring out what she was going to tell him and Ian prayed that his mother was going to be truthful. If she lied, he'd know _and_ that'd mean it was something worse than he was expecting. Fortunately when she sighed heavily and looked back at Barley's door once more, it was clear she decided to be honest. However, it was obvious she didn't want Barley overhearing. Laurel turned to Ian and nudged her head to the front door. From their spot on the couch, they got up and exited their home. On the porch they stayed, looking out at the street for a moment before Laurel turned to Ian.

"Barley was a handful in elementary school." Laurel started out. Ian watched her as she spoke, although her eyes remained on the street. "Granted he's a handful now, but as a kid he was much more energetic and hyper."   
"I somewhat remember." Ian smiled.   
"Yeah, I always tried keeping up with him and whenever he got the chance you know he craved to play with you." Laurel said. "But when he went to school that would have to wait. Instead, Barley played with the kids in school. They all loved him; he was the most fun to play with according to his fifth grade teacher. Every kid in Barley's class was impressed with him."   
"That sounds pretty great." Ian's smile grew until he saw his mother look down at the ground. "So...what happened?"  
"Well...I had gone to pick up Barley from school one day and I decided to bring you with me. Barley was so excited to show off his absolutely perfect baby brother to his classmates. I had given you to him to go brag while I talked with his teacher. Everything had been just fine, and then suddenly the room was filled with a short yelp, followed by a shriek of cries. I turned around, and there was Barley, still holding you, standing over another kid who's hand was pressed over his eye and crying."   
Ian's eyes widened as his mother spoke. "Wait...what?"   
"I know, as soon as I saw it I couldn't believe it, I _didn't_ believe it...until I pulled Barley over and got a good look at him. I was shocked by the sharpness in his eyes, his balled up fist, and the completely different aura he had to him that I've never seen before in my life. I've seen Barley's angry points and his temper tantrums but this wasn't anything like that. I couldn't believe...I didn't recognize my son, at all."  
Ian closed his eyes and allowed his nails to dig into his palms as he was reminded by the sharp eyes that had taken him without mercy; the ones that haunted him in his sleep. "...What did he say about what happened?"  
"Apparently as he was showing you off to all his classmates, one boy wasn't so impressed. He began poking at you, telling Barley you weren't so great. You know kids can be mean, but Barley was really unhappy with the poking. You cried out when the kid accidentally poked you in the eye and that's when...Barley got physical himself. I asked him why he did what he did and his response was 'he poked Ian in the eye, so I punched him in his' with **zero** emotion."   
The statement sent shivers down Ian's spine. He once again, was reminded just how strong Barley was by the memory of Barley's first time ever striking him. "What did you do?" Ian asked softly.   
"At time...nothing really. I scolded him for his actions but I knew I shouldn't be too rough on him because the real consequence was having to go back to school. Sure enough, most of the kids in Barley's class was now afraid of him. Barely anyone wanted to play and he ended up graduating with very little friends." Ian felt a slight pain in his heart imagining kids avoiding Barley and treating him like a monster. "But when he came home, he didn't seem to care; he was just happy to be next to you again."   
"And the psychologist?" Ian asked.  
"Well...I thought that Barley's sudden switch up was a one time thing, but it wasn't. There would be random points in the day where I noticed Barely would just look so ANGRY and he wouldn't say a word to me. It was always at random and whenever he did this switch he'd always look for you, find you, and just hold you. I didn't understand what was going on and the therapist I originally planned to send him to thought the situation was serious, that he might have some sort of disorder we don't know about, so she recommended Dr. Kaleb. I sent him to talk with him for a while but every time Barley would go, he seemed completely fine. About three months of that went on before we decided that it must've been a temporary thing that Barley eventually worked out himself."  
"Oh." Ian responded, not really knowing what else to say. This was all a lot to process.   
"I kept the paperwork just in case I ever needed it later on. That was all." Laurel said and turned to Ian. "You okay?"  
"Y-Yea," Ian cleared his throat and stood up straight. "I'm just...surprised."   
"It's really surprising."  
"Thank you for telling me mom." Ian said trying to give her his best version of a warm smile.   
"It's no problem Ian." She said before tilting her head at him. "Was...there any _other_ reason you might've wanted to know this information?"  
"...No, I was just curious about the papers." Ian said, and just like that the conversation was done.

  
Ian stared at the kitchen table he sat at. His eyes stayed glued to the piece of wood and he couldn't fully understand why he was okay being there. He had been sitting alone in the kitchen for about an hour, just looking down at the table where it all had first taken place while processing what his mom had told him. But as he processed everything, he was now sure Barely's issue had developed way before Ian was even able to understand what a multiple personality disorder was.   
Barley had punched another child in the eye for making Ian cry temporarily. He really _hit_ someone else for him. It made Ian wonder what Barley would do if someone had put their hands on him now. Would he absolutely lose it, or still have control? He also wondered if Barley was in control of those random moments that he would become angry as a kid. It seemed as a kid, when Barley switched he wouldn't say a word, he'd just look for Ian. Now, when Barely switched it was the same thing...just much more terrifying and non-consensual.   
Ian continued to stare down at the table where he was first raped. He still feels anger and hurt rise up in him whenever he thinks about it for too long, but he can't help but feel so sorry for Barley. To not realize that you're doing something so cruel must be a real life changer when you're suddenly aware of it. Even as Ian sat in the kitchen where his life was changed forever, he wanted nothing more but to be comforted by his brother. Even when it almost happened again, he still called out to his brother. He couldn't help it, it was all he knew and it was all he wanted to keep knowing. It had been a full two and a half weeks since he's seen Barley's face and it hurt.   
Tears welled up in Ian's eyes and he quickly wiped them, afraid that his mother might walk in on him and feel bad herself. She had gone grocery shopping about half an hour ago and he wasn't sure when she'd get home, but he didn't want to take the chance.   
Sure enough, he hears a door open and Ian wipes his face faster although his heart continues to tell his brain to keep the tears going. He can't focus too much on the sound of footsteps coming towards the kitchen while he's trying to tell himself to stop crying. When the walking comes to a halt in the kitchen, Ian feels it's too late to hide. 

He wipes the last bit of tears and snot from his face before another fresh batch and fall. "I-I'm sorry, I-"  
Ian turns to see his mother, only he doesn't see her standing on the other side of the kitchen. Ian isn't sure if his mind is playing games with him or if he's hallucinating, but everything around him feels real, almost _too_ real and he's sure he's not seeing a false figure.   
"...Barley?"  
Ian's eyes widen as he holds his breath. His brother, stands on the other end of the kitchen, just staring at him, looking like an absolute wreck. "...Hey." He mumbles.

He doesn't say another word. He continues to stand there and Ian continues to stare at him, except this time he doesn't stop the few tears that escape his eyes. Ian can't express how many emotions he's overcome with. It was like he had the energy to run to the moon and back from excitement, but the fear from what could possibly happen next made it impossible to stand up. Ian shook, and he hoped Barley couldn't see it, but he shook from being so happy to see his brother again. He wanted to run to him and wrap his arms around him but he knew that wasn't an option, at least not right now. Barley had seen something that he wasn't meant to find out in such a way. Ian needed to be mindful of that.

"We...we should talk." Ian broke the silence. Barley stood still for a moment before wiping his face and walking over to the table. Ian did his best not to look down at the piece of wood; he was sure this wouldn't of been the right moment to be reminded of past events. As Barley sat, the older elf didn't look to meet Ian's eyes. He looked so lost...so broken. "Barley?"  
The older elf didn't say anything, but he did lift his eyes to look into Ian's. "Are you okay?" Ian asked and Barley scoffed, turning away. "I-I know it's a dumb question b-but...are you okay, to have this conversation with me?"  
"...no. No, I'm not. But I have to." Barley said. "How's mom been."   
"She's alright. It was hard at first but I got her through it, she's really okay." Ian said trying to sound confident.  
"And...you?"   
"I'm...I..." Ian didn't know how to answer. For him to say he was fine was an obvious lie, and it wouldn't make sense. Ian still being at a loss for words looked at his brother, hoping that he understood why Ian couldn't answer.   
"Yeah...I heard you and mom earlier." Barley said. "I'm guessing you were talking about me."   
"N-No."   
"Ian, this is only going to be ten times harder, if you lie." Barley said with pain laced in his voice.   
Realizing he was right, Ian sighed. "Yeah, I found out about...Dr. Kaleb."   
Barley let out a dry chuckle. "The psychologist I had to see...after I hit that kid."  
"And, you apparently started having episodes of anger?"   
"...Yeah. I remember those ones. I remember just suddenly feeling upset whenever I thought about that kid poking you or anyone else touching you and I just...I just had to confirm you were okay so I'd find you and just hug you. But...Ian I don't remember...I don't remember when I-" Barley's hands balled into fist and it became clear what he was getting at. "Ian just give it to me straight...how long have I been doing it?"  
Ian's eyes widened at the question. He knew this was coming and yet he felt so unprepared. He shook his head and avoided looking at his broken brother. "I don't know..." He mumbled.   
"Ian...please." Barley's voice had struck Ian in his heart.   
"...About two months ago, was the first time." Ian admitted. "You were...successful the first two times and the third is when you woke up and realized."   
Barley squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"   
"Who was I gonna tell?" Ian asked and Barley's head snapped up with fury in his eyes.   
" _Who_?! You could've told anyone Ian! Mom, Colt, the neighbors if you had to! Why didn't you get someone to help you?"   
"I-I meant who could I tell without you getting in trouble!" Ian exclaimed feeling his heart race.   
"That doesn't matter! I was _hurting_ you and you were just enduring it?!" Barley shouted.   
"I told you I'd figure it out didn't I?!" Ian yelled. "They'd put you in prison, I couldn't live with myself if that happened!"  
"Ian I **deserve** to be put away for what I-"  
" _BARLEY_!" Ian slammed his hands against the table and looked at his brother with sheer desperation. "I don't want to talk about you getting locked away from me forever! I haven't seen you in _weeks_ and I'm just so glad I get to see you're alive and okay! Don't make me think about you getting taken away for something that isn't your fault."   
Barley rubbed his hands across his face. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry, it's just that I don't understand how you can take such a thing, especially from ME. I blackout Ian; and in between that time I'm randomly just gone, it feels like my mind isn't my own. I-I'm not trying to make excuses but if it...if it just happens randomly, what's stopping it from happening right now?"  
"I...I think you have a trigger." Ian tells him but Barely scoffs once more.   
"So you don't know for sure when it could happen. Ian...I'm scared, a-and I don't want to hurt you anymore."   
"Barley I know you're scared but-"   
"Wait...the f-first time it happened; was that when you told me to stay away from you?" Barley asked.  
Ian swallowed the lump in his throat. "Y-Yes...and I regret that."   
"...where did I do it?" Barley suddenly asked throwing Ian off guard.   
"W-What?"  
"Tell me Ian, w-where did I do it?" Barley looked at Ian with clear desperation in his eyes.   
Ian didn't know how to respond. He was afraid that once he said the word, he'd either cry, feel hatred, or vomit and he didn't want to experience any of those. But Barely continued to stare at him, clearly waiting for an answer; an answer Ian wasn't going to be able to make up. Realizing he had no choice but to be honest, a single tear fell down Ian's cheek as he looked down at the kitchen table.   
"Ian?" Barley called to him, thinking he was being ignored. However, Barely seemed to catch on to why Ian had been so uncomfortable at that table during there past dinners, why he avoided sitting around it, why he was crying at it when he walked in, and why he hid behind it after his first time raping Ian. The older elf's eye's shot open as he jumped to his feet causing his chair to fall back and Ian to flinch. "Here?! HERE?!"  
Ian immediately stood up. "B-Barley-"  
"What the fuck is _wrong_ with me?!" Barley's breathing became irregular as he grabbed at his hair. He stared down at the table before looking back up at Ian. Tears brimmed his eyes as he shook his head. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry Ian. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm _sorry_ , I'm sorry, I'm so _so sorry_!!" 

Barley immediately went to leave the kitchen and panic overtook Ian. "N-No!" He shouted and tried reaching for Barley. Once he had placed his hand on his arm, Barley yanked himself away. Ian instantly felt a sharp pain in his heart, never before being rejected by Barley in such a manner.   
"I'm sorry Ian, I really am sorry." Barley told him as he entered his bedroom. Before closing himself inside, he turned to look back and Ian. "You aren't safe around me, not anymore. Just stay away okay?"

Without waiting for an answer, Barely closed the door and Ian heard him lock it behind him. Ian stood on the other side of Barley's door, staring at the wooden door. He was left wondering, where it all went wrong, how could that have gone better, and what did Barley mean he had to stay away? By stay away, did he mean forever? Ian had told Barely the same thing a couple of months ago, but he didn't think the older brother would throw it right back at him. Ian felt himself become weak, unable to fully process what had happened. Barley had shut him out again, and this time Ian wasn't sure if he could take another two and a half weeks. 

"...no." Ian mumbled to himself before his emotions got the best of him. "No! Barley open the door!"   
Ian banged on his brother's door, just to be ignored. He continued to bang becoming more and more riled up. "Barley! Open the door! Don't do this again, please!"   
It seemed like nothing Ian said was going to work. Barley was clearly tuning Ian out and as sure as Ian was that this was painful for Barley, he couldn't deal with the pain in his own heart anymore. He slowly stopped his banging, but didn't remove himself from the door. Instead, he sunk down to the floor and began crying.   
"Oh Barley...I'm so sorry." Ian apologized. "I know I must be the most unappreciative, stubborn, self-caring brother in the world, but I just don't wanna be without you anymore. Some days, I just feel like you're the only thing that keeps me whole and these last couple of weeks without you have been a living nightmare. Even when I locked myself away, even after you did what you did...I still wanted you with me. I still wanted to feel you crush me in your arms and tell me everything's okay because even in the worst situations, I find a way to believe it since it's you reassuring me."  
Ian rested his head against Barley's door and curled himself into a ball as the tears continued to fall. "I know your scared Barley, I'm scared too, but I don't want to figure it all out on my own. And I don't want you to have to either. I'm so selfish, I know, but please come out." 

From the other side of the door, Ian heard the wood creak as if it were being pressed against. The younger elf was sure that his brother was right there, sitting on the floor listening. It was clear he wasn't going to come out, but Ian still needed him to know just how much he wanted him to.   
"Come out Barley...I still love you, I never stopped. Just come out, please?" Ian tried once more before closing his eyes and allowing himself to silently weep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will update promptly, feel free to tell me what you think whenever.


	9. Chapter 9

He had been sleeping when it happened. There were no nightmares or sudden feelings of sickness and it genuinely felt like a good sleep. Ian didn't understand it at first when he rested his head to go to bed that night, but he had a strange feeling that somehow something was going to make tomorrow better. He felt that when he'd wake up in the morning, he'd somehow find a way to get out of bed and not feel as if the world would end that day. 

Sure enough, it was the crack of dawn when he heard his mother shout from downstairs. He hadn't moved, thinking it was all in his head, one of his terrors trying to convince him the worse was coming to life, just like they always tried. But the sound of her crying slowly began to shake him awake. Ian's eyes eventually shot open and he threw his tired body out of bed. He was still so weak and ended up crashing hard on the floor. He winced in pain only for a moment before forcing a speedy recovery and exiting his room. He didn't know what was going on but he prayed it wasn't anything as bad as his nightmares. He figured it couldn't of been, because the worse scenario for him was having his mother catch Barley in the act of what he was capable of. 

But as Ian thought about it, he wasn't under Barley's grasp and from where he stood upstairs he couldn't see his mother, so it wasn't anything like that. In fact, he started to think it might not have been anything bad at all. He jogged over to the staircase and stepped only a couple of steps down, in order to hear without being seen.

"Oh thank god, thank _GOD_ you're alright!" His mother cried out in joy. "I've missed you so much! Don't ever do this to me again, every night I thought the absolute worse!" 

Ian's body went limp when he realized what was happening. While everything else refused to function, he felt his heart begin to race as he took a couple more steps down the staircase. He needed to make sure this wasn't a dream, that his insanity from the whole situation wasn't causing him to really start losing it and hallucinating. He peeked over the railing and his knees went weak when he saw his mother holding on tight for dear life to Barley as he rocked her back and forth. He heard her cry and there was no doubt they were tears of pure happiness to see that Barley was indeed alive. Ian knew he probably couldn't consider him being well, but he was alive and right now that was equally important. Ian slumped against the stair rail and allowed himself to feel happy in this moment. He watched with content as Barley rubbed his mothers back and gave her a kiss on her cheek. 

"I'm sorry mom," He told her. "I really am sorry."  
"It's okay, you're here now." Laurel replied back. "So _stay_ here, with me and Ian."  
"...Okay." 

Ian wiped the single tear that escaped his eye. He couldn't tell you how much crying he had done over the past couple of months but he could say that it must've been enough to fill a car and a majority of it was done out of anger, fear, and full on sadness. He doubted he'd be done with crying anytime soon, but now he was sure he wasn't alone when it came down to it. There was no argument when it came to saying both his mother and older brother had felt unbearable sadness for some time now, he just hoped that all three of them could bounce back from it. That was all he could really do, hope and enjoy any happy moment life was willing to grant him. So he continued to watch Barley cradle there mother.  
The younger elf was caught by surprise when Barley's eyes began to wonder around the room. It was like he was looking for something, and Ian couldn't speak for Barley but he had a feeling the older elf was looking for him. This was what Ian had asked fort begin with. He had spilled his heart out the previous day and practically begged Barely to come out. Maybe Ian's plea was what made the younger elf feel that this day would be better, now all he had to do was keep it going and hope that nothing would get in the way.

Ian poked his head out from behind the stair rail a little more, enough to grab his brother's attention. Sure enough, Barley spotted him and his eyes widened. It was clear he didn't know what to do and he couldn't speak afraid of what would come out, especially in front of there mom. Ian decided to make it a little easier for Barley. He gave him a small smile and simply waved, not wanting to grab their mother's attention either. Barley lifted one of his hands and slowly waved back, clearly hesitant but grateful to see Ian. With not much being needed to be said right there and then, Ian slowly removed himself from the his spot on the staircase but he didn't fully flee to his room. Instead, he remained at the top of the staircase, just listening to his brother comfort his mother because that alone was comforting for him. Barley usually said different things and held him differently, but hearing his voice would have to do for now, and probably for a long time. 

A couple of hours had gone by of Barley finally being free from his self imprisonment. He spent most of the day with their mother and Ian didn't take offense to it knowing she deserved it, after all Barley was her son. They stayed in the living room just talking for a while. Ian went through the same thing after he had come out of his room for the first time in weeks as well. He felt he should've let them have their privacy but curiosity got the best of Ian and he wanted to know the answers to some of the questions his mother was asking. He left and tuned them out when she asked him things like what he was doing in his room all day and how often was he really eating. These were questions Ian could do without answers, only because he knew at the end of the day Barley was eating from all the returned plates and he could take a guess to what Barley was doing in his room while he hid. When she asked him exactly **why** he hid away for so long, Ian felt like he had to hear what Barley was going to tell her.  
Ian wasn't expecting Barley to tell his mother the truth, the young elf had made it clear that he didn't want anyone to know. He was taken by surprise by Barley lie that seemed all well too planned out. 

"I just felt really down about the way I've been handling life. I have all these thoughts...about school, and for a while I kept telling myself that I wasn't good enough to go to graduate school and earn a masters." Barley told her with ease although Ian wondered if his mom was really believing him. "A-And one of my friends was doubting I could do it so I had to cut him off. So I basically just took time to...reflect and decide what I want to do with myself." 

Ian had to fight the urge to roll his eyes at both Barley's lie and his mother for easily believing him. As she went into telling Barley that he could do anything he wanted, Ian thought about how Barley really didn't need anyone to tell him that. Granted Barley wasn't the brightest student, but he still never failed a class and he earned a degree in no time. Barley Lightfoot never shied away from a challenge, because he wasn't afraid of **anything**.  
Still, he gave Barley the credit he deserved for finding some sort of excuse that'll make his mother's curiosity content. 

"I'm just so so happy to see you again Barley." His mother had confessed once again to him at one point in their talk. She stood up and walked toward the kitchen. "Come, I'll make you something to eat."  
Ian's blood went cold and it seemed Barley had the same reaction to the request. "N-No!" he exclaimed and took a step back from the room. "T-That's okay, I'm alright."  
"But you haven't eaten yet!" His mother said sadly.  
"Could I just...stay in here?" He asked her, trying his best to smile. "I missed the couch."  
From the railing, Ian hoped his mother wouldn't pry. She smiled at his joke and ran her fingers through his hair. "Alright mister, stay here and watch tv I'll make you something. OR you can go speak with Ian? I haven't told him that you were out again yet."  
"I...I kinda have a lot to say to him so I'll talk with him later." Barley told her and Ian agreed; they did have a lot to talk about.

After Barley had eaten at least three times worth more food than Ian could ever eat, Laurel had come to his room and Ian had pretended he was reading a book. She informed him about Barley's "reasoning" for hiding out and that he said he won't go back into it.  
"That's great." Ian smiled at his mothers happy expression.  
"I'm just gonna take him to the mall real quick." She said. "He kind of...damaged a lot of his room."  
"Oh..."  
"When we come back, he said he's going to want to talk with you. Is that okay?"  
"O-Of course," Ian told her. "I'll be here waiting, tell him that please?"  
"Of course sweetheart." She smiled once more before closing his door on her way out. 

Ian had to admit, the suspense of Barley finally coming out of his room and not being able to talk with him for hours was killing him. He wanted nothing more but to wrap his arms around Barley and tell him exactly what's been on his mind all day. Ian did everything in his power to distract himself because sitting still was just giving him terrible anxiety. He took a walk outside, hoping the fresh air would calm him down. It sure enough did, but once he was back in his house, the anxiety clouded his mind once more. He picked up an textbook and decided to skim through some of his favorite chapters. He watched tv for an hour before deciding maybe picking a movie was a better choice. He later picked up _another_ textbook and skimmed through as many chapters of that one as he could.  
He later went to the kitchen and made himself a sandwich...that he purposely dropped on the floor so Blazey would eat it, causing him to have to make another sandwich. Thinking it would kill time, he stared outside and watched his neighborhood, though nothing was really happening. Deep down, he was just watching out for his mother's car. He went outside and cleaned out Guinevere, a chore he was sure Barley hadn't done in months. The inside of the van wasn't as filthy as he expected, and he hoped that had something to do with the scolding Ian gave Barley about it when the older elf picked him up from school a while back. 

"I don't wanna have to get in Guinevere and suffer from the old smell of a sandwich you can no longer find under your clutter!" Ian had groaned as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  
Barley laughed as Ian crossed his arms and gave his brother his best version of a scowl. "You exaggerate, that's not an old sandwich," Barley told him. "It's probably just a drink I spilled somewhere and forgot to clean it up."  
Ian faked vomiting before shaking his head at Barley. "That's even worse. If you don't take better care of the inside of this van like you do on the _outside_ of it, I'm no longer gonna accept rides from you."  
Barley looked genuinely shocked. "Wha-"  
"Eh!" Ian held up his hand and turned the rest of himself from Barley. "I don't want to hear it."  
"But Ia-"  
"Nope! Save it," Ian cut his brother off once more. "Just clean the van, or no more rides with me."  
"Ugh, fine you win." Barley groaned and Ian chuckled. Once they had come to a red light, Barley reached over and pulled Ian close into a headlock. "You always get what you want."  
"I _want_ you to be clean! Why is that so much to ask for?!" Ian laughed as he tried to free himself from Barley's grasp. "Let go, you're so gross!"

Now looking back at it, gross Barley didn't seem so bad.

Ian had gotten up to his fifth textbook by the time, he heard the front door open. He didn't move, because he knew the older elf was coming to him once he heard the heavy footsteps making their way up the steps. Ian looked up from his book and waited for the steps come closer. For the first time in some time, he felt nervous but prepared. Somewhere in Ian's heart, he knew today had to be the day he'd tell Barley exactly how he felt about everything, otherwise he might not find a better opportunity. Right now, he could imagine Barley being all sorts of worried for Ian's safety and what the younger elf might have to say.   
Within a couple of seconds, a soft knock on his door caused Ian's heart to leap. Once it was pushed open, he spotted Barley peering into his room from a distance. Ian wasn't sure if it was intentional or not, but the older elf was hidden halfway behind the doorframe as he watched Ian with timid eyes, something Ian's never seen before. 

"Hey." Ian greeted him.   
"Hey Ian." Barley mumbled.   
"Where's mom?"  
"...the kitchen." Barley broke eye contact as the words left his mouth, confirming Ian's theory that the room would never be looked at the same ever again.   
"Oh, alright." Ian said as he pushed his book to the side. "You should come in."   
Clearly, Barley was hesitant as he took a step back. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."   
"Barley, come _in_." Ian understood what his brother was trying to say, but there was no fear in Ian's heart at the moment. "I can't properly talk to you if you're out there." 

Barley gave Ian a look. He seemed to be pleading with Ian to let him have this one, but Ian refused. He held his ground and didn't say a word as he stared right back at his brother. Eventually realizing, he had lost and they weren't going to get anywhere unless he did what was asked, Barley stepped into the room. Only then did Ian stand up from his bed and move to stand directly across from the older elf. There was a good five feet distance between them, and distance Ian somehow managed to feel was too big. 

"I don't want to be afraid of you, and you know that." Ian said as he tried to take a step closer to Barley. Immediately, the brother took a step back causing Ian to sigh. "Barley..."   
"I know," Barley said as he decided to retrace his steps and take a couple of steps closer to Ian. "I'm sorry."   
"It's alright," Ian told him. "I heard what you said to mom."   
"Which part?"  
"The part about you being afraid to go back to school." Ian gave Barley a small smirk.  
To his content, Barley chuckled a bit. "Oh, yea that part."  
"Last I checked you aren't afraid of anything." Ian took a step closer and this time Barley didn't move.  
"You know I had to say something to her," Barley said and his small smile began to fade. "You were right...it's not easy to lie but it's better than the truth."  
"...Yeah," Ian lowered his head and a silence fell over the room. Soon, Barley reached into his vest pocket and pulled something out wrapped in a red cloth "What's that?"  
"It's...an alternative."   
"Alternative?" Ian repeated, clearly confused.  
The younger elf's heart raced ten times faster as Barley walked up to him until he was close enough to see the hairs on his chin. "Ian, please, I'm begging you to reconsider. I need you to tell someone what's been happening."  
Ian's eyes widened and he looked away from Barley, avoiding picturing the memories that would never leave him alone. "You know I can't do that." Ian mumbled and as soon as he did Barely placed the item wrapped in the cloth in Ian's hand.   
"Then take this." Ian began to unwrap the cloth. 

He couldn't help but notice the item felt heavy...and kind of sharp. Sure enough, once it was fully unwrapped he understood why. Ian gasped and nearly dropped the large dagger that Barley had handed him. If it weren't for his older brother's quick reflexes, the blade would've fallen on the ground. Barley had caught it mid air and held it out for Ian to take but of course he refused. 

"Barley are you crazy?!" Ian whisper shouted before pushing Barley's hands that held the dagger a way from him. He looked back out into the hallway and was glad his mother was nowhere to be seen. "W-What is that?! WHY do you have it?! And why are you giving it to me!"   
"Just in case," Barley told him as he held the dagger out again. "Just in case I don't stop, you have to defend yourself Ian. I-I know it sucks but-"  
"Barley **stop**." Ian said firmly and he pushed the dagger back to Barley. "That's not happening, end of story."   
"It's not the end!" Barley told him becoming more upset by the minute. "You refuse to tell anyone or let me say a word and if this keeps happening without consequences, eventually I'll...I'll...damn it Ian just take the fucking blade!"   
"You want me to take it? Fine." Ian said. He snatched the dagger out of Barley's hands, wrapped it back in the cloth, and tossed it into the far corner of his room. He wasn't surprised by his brothers shocked expression that quickly was followed up with annoyance.  
" ** _Ian_**!"   
"I'm _NOT_ stabbing you Barley!" Ian shouted. "Forget about it!"   
"Then I'm gonna have to go." Barley shook his head and threw his arms up in protest. "I'm gonna have to move out or else-"   
"You're not going _anywhere_." Ian told him.   
"Then I'll lock myself away again!"   
"You're not doing that either!" Ian stomped his foot and gritted his teeth in frustration. "Don't you get it?! You can't run! Not from home, not from me, and not from this. We have to deal with it head on Barley!"  
"But I don't know how!" The eldest began to pull at his hair. "I don't know how Ian, I'm gonna keep hurting you in such a fucked up way and I can't go on living with myself!"

Ian watched for a moment as Barley began having a meltdown. His hands began to twitch and it was clear he wanted to hit, grab, snap, punch, or break something. His breathing sped up and it seemed as if in any second, Barley was going to explode. It tore Ian's heart in two to see and honestly, apart of him wished Barley never even had to find out about this. He wished he could've figured out how to make it all stop and the pain to go away all on his own. But since it was impossible, and it was much too late, Ian knew he could only do what he was able to do. As much pain as the whole situation had brought him, he knew it wasn't really Barley that caused him such agony and he needed his brother to know that. 

"I've missed you." Ian confess as tears welled up in his eyes. "I've missed you more than you could ever know."   
Everything in Barley came to a halt. He lifted his head to look at Ian and it read nothing but pure sadness and shock. " _Why_? _WHY Ian_? I _raped_ you. I took something from you I was never meant to have. I-I ruined your life..."  
"You didn't ruin a thing Barley," Ian told him as he began to step closer.   
"Don't." Barley mumbled as he took steps back but this time Ian refused to be as patient. With emotions running high, he proceeded to get approach Barley.  
"You didn't ruin my life, I'm who I am because of you, remember? You've always been everything to me, and you always will be." Ian pushed through his words, no matter how shaky his voice was becoming. "You know that don't you? You know how much you mean to me, right?"  
"I don't understand." Barley continued to back away as Ian pressed forward. "How can you say such a thing to me? How can you still even _look_ at me? I don't get it."   
"Barley, the only thing you need to understand is that I'm always gonna be on your side, no matter what." Ian had gotten Barley to back up against his wall. When the eldest realized he had nowhere left to run, visual panic crossed his face.   
"Ian, you gotta stay away from me." Barley begged. " _Please_."  
Ian shook his head and actually chuckled while the tears fell from his face. "I'm sorry Barley, I can't do that."   
"Ian-"   
"I'm sorry I screamed at you, I'm sorry I pushed you away, and I'm sorry I told you I hate you." Before Barley could figure out how to react, Ian wrapped his arms around his brother's neck and squeeze him in a tight hug. "Forgive me Barley, because I forgive you."   
Barley froze for a moment, before Ian felt him shake. Within seconds Barley's legs gave out, and he sunk to the floor with Ian still holding onto him. "Forgive...you?"  
"I know I said I'd never let it happen, but I already forgave you a long time ago." Ian gave Barley a small kiss on his cheek. "I forgive you now and I'll forgive everything in the future. I _forgive_ you Barley." 

Ian squeezed his eyes shut and remained to hold onto his brother. He had settled himself in between the older elf's legs, almost as if he knew he should get comfortable with being their for a while. As assumed, he knew it was going to take a moment for Barley to process everything Ian had said. Whether he said it once or a thousand more times, Ian needed Barley to know that he wasn't going to hold any hatred toward him any longer, no matter what. It wasn't Barley's fault, and it wasn't intentional. Ian intended on sitting there comforting Barley until that reality fully sunk into the older elf's heart.   
After about three minutes, Ian got the sense that Barley was starting to understand what Ian was getting at. The older elf lifted his unsteady hands and wrapped them around Ian's waist before pulling him in closer. Barley buried his face in Ian's shoulder before allowing himself to fully cry. 

"I'm sorry Ian." He cried out softly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't deserve you, I'm so sorry. I love you so much, I'm just so sorry. I'm such a freak, please forgive me."   
"No, I already told you, you're my everything." Ian whispered as he ran his fingers through Barley's hair. "And I already have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter coming soon!


	10. Chapter 10

As hard as the whole situation had been on Ian; as much as he's taken, said, and heard, he genuinely was surprised that he hadn't snapped yet. Surely, the events that happened with Barley had taken him out for a while. When he had he hid up in his room, he was sure he was _never_ going to get over what happened to him and even if he bravely did, the nightmares would come more often just to remind him that his body was used and there was nothing he could do to change that. He still shook when he thought about it; whether it was at school, home, in the street, or wherever, the thoughts would sometimes just seep into his mind and if he tried pushing them out they'd grow stronger. This always most likely ended up with him having to excuse himself from wherever he was, head to the nearest bathroom to throw up or handle his panic attack alone. 

It was a terrible thing really. Ian would give anything to make it stop; to make it all go away as if it never happened. He's tried finding answers on how to maybe make that possible as soon as possible, but deep down he knew there was only one thing that was really going to heal him and that was time. There was no magic pill or charm that could wipe his memory of what happened. He had no choice but to wait for his heart to truly accept what happened, grow from it, and move on without the torture of it all following him.   
Although Ian understands what he has to do and how strong he has to continue to be to handle it, he wasn't so sure if Barley was on the same page as him. The older elf was probably just as traumatized as Ian, from now knowing that he has such a scary disorder to knowing what it's caused him to do. It hadn't been long since Ian told Barley he forgives him and held him. Ian meant every word of what he said, even if a small part of him was still scared and angry with Barley. He understood that when Barley switched, the older elf was no longer in full control, and he understood that must be a terrifying reality to accept. Ian couldn't imagine what he'd do if he found out that one minute he was himself and in the next a whole new person was in his body. It sent shivers down his spine thinking about it, and so he truly felt bad for Barley. 

That's why no matter how scared or angry he was, he was going to help Barley cope with it. 

There was no doubt about it; Barley had ALWAYS gone over the top for Ian. The younger elf can't remember a time when he's asked Barley for his help and his brother didn't drop everything to come to Ian's rescue. Ian was beyond lucky to have some one like that, and he was so happy he was chosen to be Barley brother he could practically scream it from a rooftop at the top of his lungs without feeling the slightest bit embarrassed. Barley loved Ian, and Ian loved Barley with all his heart, even the angered and scared parts of it. He cried at night thinking about the torn face Barley had given him when he first switched in front of him and saw what he was about to do. Barley didn't deserve that, neither of them did.   
Ian knew getting help from their mother or a therapist could maybe make this ten times easier, but the thought of what would happen to Barley scared the shit out of him. Their mother could possibly panic and label Barley as dangerous. She could have him separated from Ian and others just to be safe and though Ian knew she'd be doing it out of love, he still didn't want Barley being seen as some monster to anyone. He couldn't go to anyone else about it for the same reasons and it was still just too much for Ian to ever bring up to anyone. How do you tell someone you were raped by someone who isn't your brother but is in a way though they aren't aware of it?  
Ian refused, instead he was going to handle this his way. Yes, he may be being selfish, but it's _his_ body and it's _his_ trauma. He hoped helping Barley with his will allow himself to heal faster as well. Maybe he won't be so afraid anymore if he can just find a way to keep that...other person away. 

He started simple. Every morning when he woke up, he'd get himself together and then knock on Barley's bedroom door. He wouldn't move until the older elf opened his door. At first, he'd only crack it and through the gap Ian could see only Barley's eye and the blue in his cheek.   
"Ian...I'm not hungry right now I'll come out later." He would tell him and Ian would always shake his head.   
"You always say that," Ian would respond. "I'm not gonna move until you come out."  
"What if you're standing here all day then?"  
"Then I guess I won't eat all day." Ian told him, cleverly knowing how to get what he wants.   
Sure enough, Barley eventually stopped trying to hide away in the mornings. Now when Ian knocks, he comes out and they eat breakfast together with their mom. The kitchen table is still not an option. Ian still shook when he sat at it and Barley couldn't even look at it. Instead, they sat at the living room table. Barley gladly moved his quest of yore board game in order to make room for their plates. It's been years since Barley first set up his gameplay there and no one moved it.   
"It's better this way." Barley had told him when Ian asked if Barley was really comfortable with moving it. He agreed with his brother's answer, knowing neither of them were ready to sit back at the other table.   
Every morning they'd eat with their mom and put on their best 'everything's ok' faces. The last thing either of them needed was for her to stress over how they were really doing. She actually smiled the entire morning whenever both of her sons showed their faces and greeted her with a kiss and a hug. It clearly made her feel good and it kept her distracted from what Ian was really trying to do. As they ate, he made sure they only spoke about light topics, nothing too deep or heavy. He'd bring things up that he knew would spark Barley's interest and to his surprise Barley was actually communicative with his responses. He seemed genuinely pleased that Ian was including him and speaking with him. 

As for the remainder of the day, they didn't do much. Ian knew he couldn't be with Barley as he was before, where they spent almost every minute of everyday together. He wasn't sure if Barley was able to handle that or if Ian himself was going to be able to handle it. But, he did make sure that he and Barley spoke throughout the day. If their mother was stepping out, Ian would go with her only if Barley was going and if the elder son wasn't, Ian would stay home as well. He'd sometimes visit his room and just sit in a chair in the corner, watching Barley fiddle with some car parts that he might add to Guinevere. He'd ignore the few holes in the wall and cracks in the window that Barley clearly made when he was hiding away. Ian didn't question it; everyone reacts and copes differently. Barley seemed grateful that Ian wouldn't ask and instead he'd explain to him how the certain parts he was messing around with worked. When Ian was in his room, sometimes Barley would come in holding a plate of some of Ian's favorite foods.   
The first time he'd done it, Ian couldn't lie; his heart did begin to pound out of his chest when he heard Barley's footsteps approaching. He of course assumed the worst thing in the word was about to happen again, but the tenseness in his shoulders disappeared and he released the breath that he didn't even know he was holding in when Barley placed a plate on the end of his bed.   
Ian had leaned forward and looked at the dish, completely thrown off. "Did mom make this?"   
"No, not exactly." Barley had told him as he headed for the door.   
"You did? I-In the kitchen?" Ian asked him and he immediately regretted the question.  
Luckily, Barley didn't react to it as he thought he would. The older elf froze for a moment but rubbed the back of his neck as he turned to face Ian. "...Yeah, in the kitchen." was all he said before he left.   
Ian didn't ask him to stay that time; he didn't want Barley to push himself to the point where he felt uncomfortable. Fortunately, Barley continued to make meals for Ian, and eventually he started sticking around to watch Ian eat them. Ian figured it was Barley's way of making sure Ian was still eating, but he deep down hoped it was Barley also just wanting to be near him again.

There was very little touching between the two. Ian wasn't sure if their mother noticed but there was always a six foot distance in between them. Ian didn't back away from it and Barley surely didn't try to get any closer. It all made sense, it was completely reasonable for Barley to keep his distance from Ian. The most of touching they'd do was from Barley passing something to the younger elf and there fingers would brush, or the one time they went to see a movie with their mom and their knees remained connected the entire time. It made perfect sense as to why Barley didn't want to touch Ian. 

So why was Ian struggling to accept the fact that Barley wasn't going to anytime soon?

He knows he shouldn't be so impatient and he shouldn't want it as much as he does, but he missed Barley's touch. When he thought about it, he felt like an idiot, a _confused_ one at that. Though the fear nor anger wasn't nearly as strong as it used to be, Ian still felt it at times. He felt it when he went to sleep and he felt it when he spaced out during the day. That being the case, he wanted to wrap his head around why he still felt such a strong need to be near Barley; to want to be cradled, spoiled, and see the bright smile he brought to Barley's face. It was so selfish of him but he continued to wonder how long it would be before things to got back to normal. He wondered if things would _ever_ really be normal and it filled him with anxiety.   
At night, he continued to selfishly hope that Barley would want to be the same way with him again as they were before. He'd pray for it before he went to sleep, but once he drifted off, the terror he relived in his dreams told him that his prayers would never be answered. He'd wake up drowsed in sweat and his vision blurred as he would try to catch his breath. Time to time he'd have to pick up his pillow, push his face into it, and scream every curse word in the book, completely angry again with Barley. He'd question how Barley didn't know about his disorder, why he was targeting Ian, and _why_ Ian was even protecting him. Ian would lie in bed, and as the tears would flow down his face he would try not to let the anger win. He would try reminding himself that it wasn't Barley's fault, but whenever he got like this it was hard. 

It turned out a visible reminder was what he needed. After one of his night terrors, Ian had woken up full of rage again. He pulled at his hair and cursed his brother for ever being born and he cursed himself for even loving Barley as much as he did. He decided he needed water he quickly got up out of his bed. He ignored the shaky feeling in his knees because it only made him feel weak and he hated it. He felt it was his weakness that allowed him to get raped and the weakness he felt in his heart for his brother is what allowed Barley to get away with it. Ian hated himself for it and he almost felt he deserved what happened to him because of it. He began to dig his nails into his own skin but came to a quick halt when he heard something shatter downstairs. He moved quickly down the steps, wondering if Blazey had gotten up and decided to hop onto the counters, somewhere the dragon knew he was not allowed. Ian entered the kitchen with his hardened heart, but the metal exterior that he had shielded it in quickly broke away once he saw it hadn't been Blazey who broke a thing.   
Instead it was Barley, who stood hunch over the counter with broken glass and blood falling from his closed fist. Ian's eyes widened at the sight of his brother's heavy breathing, and the look of terror on his face as he stared at the kitchen table across the room. The older elf hadn't even noticed Ian, he seemed locked in a trance as his eyes remained wide and he didn't blink or look away from the wooden furniture. In that moment, Ian knew Barley was being haunted by what he had done, and this image of Barley being trapped in such terrible thoughts would forever be what reminded Ian that he didn't hate Barley nor did he really think it was all his fault. The older elf was just as messed up as he was, and for Ian to question anything about Barley's situation or why he was protecting him was just stupid. 

Ian stood stiff for a moment, just watching and waiting to see if Barley would come out of his trance on his own, seeing how that's usually what happened for the younger elf. However, as Barley's breathing became visibly less controllable and the fist that was bleeding continued to tighten, Ian was filled with panic that Barley's approaching panic attack would cause him to squeeze his glass filled hand until the shards cut a nerve.   
"B-Barley." Ian finally broke the silence and just like that Barley snapped out of whatever he was seeing.   
He gasped, clearly startled by how deep his mind was taking him and then he hissed in pain as he finally opened his bloody hand. Ian was able to see all the shards covered in crimson red as it leaked from his brother's hand. Barley turned to see Ian standing in the doorframe and he immediately pulled his hand back, trying his best to hide his mess. "Oh...h-hey." he managed to say in between his breaths.   
"What're you doing?" Ian asked him softly.   
"I was..." Barley looked back at the table and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I was just getting water."   
"...Y-You broke the glass." Ian tells him. "There's no point in trying to hide it, I can see the blood all over the counter."   
Barley winces as a shard slides out of his hand. From what Ian can see there's only couple more planted in there and they aren't too deep where they need to go to the hospital. "...I guess I did." Barley mumbles, almost seeming ashamed for what he's done. 

Ian wasted no time in fetching the first aid kit from under the sink and tending to Barley's wound. He sat on the stool across the counter and held his hand out. Without much hesitation, Barley placed his bloodied battered one on Ian's and allowed for the younger elf to slowly pull the shards of glass out with tweezers. Throughout the process they stayed silent. Ian would glance up to see how Barley was doing but he wasn't surprised to see his brother's facial expression had basically been blank. He just stared at his bloody hand with dull eyes, as if the pain didn't matter. It almost made Ian want to mess up when pulling a shard out to get some sort of reaction, but he knew that was just cruel.   
He had grabbed a wet rag to wipe away the excess blood and clean around the wounds. He then dampened the rag with rubbing alcohol, knowing what was going to have to come next.   
"This is gonna hurt." Ian told his brother, but the older elf just looked at him with his dull eyes and shrugged.   
Ian placed the rag over Barley's hand and he watched his brother closely, praying for some sort of reaction. Luckily, Barley groaned and squeezed his eyes closed. If there had been no reaction at all, Ian was sure that Barley was beyond repair and that was a horrifying thought.   
"I told you." He said and gave him a small smile as he took out the wrapping bandages.   
Barley hadn't moved as he watched Ian open a new pack of wrapping. "I don't understand why you're helping me." he mumbled.   
Ian stiffened for a moment, before continuing his work. "This is the hand I held as child whenever I was afraid of something or when you came and picked me up from elementary school, it'd be ashamed if I let it get infected or lose anymore blood." Ian told him as he began wrapping his hand.  
"That was the me you could trust." Barley told him. "I'm different now."   
"Well, I'm not the same kid from elementary school either you know, and you still care about me no matter how much I've changed."   
"It's not the same." Barley told him. "...and you haven't changed much."  
Ian tilted his head and frowned. "Oh really? How so?"   
"You're still basically skinny and scrawny, if anything scrawnier." Barley told him. "You also still do that thing where you thread your hands together when you're nervous or afraid _and_ you still pout or whine when you don't get what you want."   
Ian's face contorted as he came to the realization that Barley was right. The older elf slightly smirked, knowing that Ian was now thinking about it. Ian scoffed playfully. "Yeah well, you haven't changed that much either. You're still loud, you still only eat your fries with ketchup, and you _still_ think I don't know that it's been you who's been secretly taking bites out of the special sandwiches mom makes for me."   
Barley chuckled and it made Ian's heart flip. "You knew about that? I used to think you believed me when I told you Blazey did it."  
"I always knew it was you, if it were really Blazey, he'd just take the whole sandwich and you know it." Ian tells him.   
"Yeah, I guess that makes more sense." Barley agrees and smiles. "Thanks for letting me get away with it for so long." 

Ian smiled and returned to wrapping Barley's hand. "There's so much I remember about you as a kid that you still do. You're still generous, you still teach me so much, and you still give me basically everything I want, even after I pout and whine." Ian said and as he continued to reminisce, he suddenly felt really warm all over. He looked up at Barley and saw that the older elf hadn't look away from Ian this entire time. It only made the confusing but comforting warmth grow stronger. "You give me everything, and can't imagine life without you."  
Barley's eyes widened and for the first time in what seemed like forever they seemed to shine. "Really?" He asked and Ian had to fight the sudden urge to take Barley's hand and place it over his rapid beating heart.   
Ian didn't understand it, but he suddenly wanted to pour his heart out. "Really." He responded. "You still give the best hugs, you still fill my head with the best stories and adventures, and you still tell me everything which I love...well, almost everything."  
"What?" Barley leaned closer as Ian began to finish his wrapping. "Ian if there's anything you ever wanna know you can always just ask me. I'll tell you whatever you want."   
Ian knew Barley was speaking recklessly from the joy of hearing how much Ian loves about him. He knew he wasn't going to get the answer he was really looking for, but it was worth the try. "Barley...could you tell me what you think about before you blackout?"  
As expected, instantly the shine in Barley's eyes is gone and he looks full of worry. "...Ian, I can tell you anything, _everything_ , else but that."   
"But why?"   
"Because that's just...it's just not something I can tell you." Barley looks away from him. "Believe me okay? It's for the best."   
"What's for the _best_ is us figuring out how to move past all this." Ian presses on. "T-Those thoughts can have some sort of connection as to why you switch and I just want to know why."   
"We'll have to find another way then because I can't tell you!" Barley exclaims. "Do you want things to be changed between us forever?"  
Ian considered what Barley had said for a moment, but he decided to consider it a bluff. "You're exaggerating."   
"I'm **not** Ian, now don't ask me anym-"  
"I-I understand that it's hard to talk about it, but I just need an understanding!"   
"No." Barley says firmly and Ian becomes desperate.   
"Barley _please_ , I just-"  
"I SAID _**NO**_ IAN!" Barley shouts and slams his good hand down onto the counter. Ian jumps back as Barley avoids meeting his brother's eyes. "God why are you so persistent on knowing something that you aren't meant to know?! Why can't you just-"   
When Barely finally looks up, Ian knows he's stopped because he can see the clear hurt in his face that he wasn't able to hide. Barley never snapped or yelled at him, not even when Ian was acting like a fussy baby. Just like that, Ian ruined the warm feeling he had and now he was left making Barley feel bad for Ian's own forcefulness.   
"I-I'm sorry," Barley apologized and his voice cracked. "I didn't mean to...I just...I'm real sorry Ian."   
As Barley tries moving his bandaged hand away, Ian finds himself grabbing it and holding it in both of his own. "N-No, don't be...I'm the one who's sorry Barley. I shouldn't have pushed you. You don't have to tell me now." Ian finished tying the last bandage around Barley's hand and he was sure he had done good. "There, I'm finished."  
"...Thank you." Barley looks over his wrapped hand before lowering his head, afraid to look at Ian.   
"You're welcome." Ian told him and just like that he was going to drop it, but then he decided not to. "And Barley?"  
"Yes?"  
"It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even next week...but I'm gonna find out what you're so afraid to tell me." Ian says and he watches as Barley's eyes widen. "I know I'm being selfish again, b-but I have to do this, to heal you and me. No matter how upset you get with me, I won't stop looking for the truth, whether you tell me or not."  
"...I won't let you find out. **Ever**." Barley tells him and it only causes Ian to give him a small sympathetic smile.   
"I don't think you have much of a choice. Sorry Barley, but I have to do this, for us."   
Barley looks over Ian's face closely. It become clear to Ian that Barley wants to see if he means what he says and when the older elf gets his answer he sighs. "You're too much for me to handle at times, you know that?"  
"I know." Ian tells him.  
"And still...I wouldn't trade you in for anyone else in the world." Barley mumbles and the warmth slowly begins to return in Ian's heart.  
"W-What're you gonna do now?"  
"I doubt I'm gonna sleep tonight, so I don't know, I guess watch tv until I do decide to crash." Barley tells him before he turns to walk out of the kitchen. "'Night Ian."   
"W-Wait, can I watch with you?" Ian blurts out causing the older elf to turn and look at him clearly surprised. "I-I mean, I'm not so tired anymore myself."   
Barley didn't seem like he had to think it over. Within no time, he cleared his throat and told Ian, "Yeah, sure."

Ian hopped off his stool and made his way to Barley's side. From there, Ian purposely brushed his fingers against the bandages on Barley's hand as they made their way to the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these are taking so long to update, I've literally just been in a different state of mind lately. I do enjoy writing these stories for myself and those who constantly read my stuff and comment so I'll try to do a better job. Anyway, I'll have the next chapter up soon, I promise.


	11. Chapter 11

It hadn't been a long night, and to Ian's surprise it wasn't a rough one either. He felt he had maybe found a way to make himself feel better about being around Barley while at the same time assuring Barley that Ian was comfortable around him. It shocked Ian honestly, but he was glad he stayed up a little longer that night with Barley, because then he would've never discovered his new possible way of comfort. 

It was all in the question. 

After Barley had told Ian it wasn't a problem if he watched tv with him, they both made their way to the living room. Barley had sat on the main couch directly across from the screen and for a moment, Ian wondered how Barley felt about that couch. Maybe it wasn't so bad for him to be their because _it_ didn't fully happen after he woke up. In a strange way Ian felt uncomfortable with the couch, but it wasn't anything critical. When he looked at it, he didn't think too much about the rape, but more of the face Barley had made when he realized what he was doing.   
To avoid making things seem weird or uncomfortable for Ian. He took a seat next to Barley on the couch, but on the further end. He was sure his brother noticed, but he knew he wasn't going to question why he was so far. If anything, Ian's actions had probably just reminded him of the same thing that ran through Ian's mind at the moment. Barley turned on the tv and handed the remote to Ian.   
"We can watch whatever you want." He told him without removing his eyes from the screen.   
Ian shook his head. "I'm fine with whatever you like."   
"It's okay, I doubt anything I'm into is on at the hour."   
Ian took the remote and began to scroll through channels. Strangely enough, he felt anxious in the process. It was like he was afraid of picking something boring or wrong, which could ultimately result in Barley deciding he was going to go to bed. Ian didn't want that, not yet. The anxiety left his body the minute he found a movie that was actually one of Barley's favorites. The older elf had asked Ian on a number of occasions to watch it with him.   
"Looks like I stand corrected." Barley told him before looking over to his younger brother. "You sure you want to watch this?"  
"Why wouldn't I? It's something that makes you happy." Ian gave him a small smile.   
Barley gave him a dry chuckle in return before hiding his face in his palm. "Even after all this, you're still thinking about my feelings."   
"Well...of course." Ian told him.  
"I'm fine with just being here," Barley said before removing his hand and looking into Ian's eyes. "I'm fine with just being here with you, as long as you're okay with being here with me."  
Ian couldn't help but notice the warmth that was taking over his body all over again. "Cool." He responded contently before setting the remote to the side and turning to the film.

Ian knew anyone on the outside would think Ian was nuts, mental even for still having as must trust in Barley as he did. Ian knew if he ever told a soul of what happened, they'd probably waste no time in telling someone of Barley's actions and having the elf locked up or sent for help far away from him. There were moments after his nightmares where Ian, for a slight second, did consider letting someone know just to get Barley away from him. However, when he'd come down for breakfast the next morning or if he looked around his room and saw framed pictures of him and his brother, genuinely happy together, he instantly regretted the thought. Ian refused to let anyone take Barley from him and he'd become furious if they ever tried or labeled him as dangerous.  
But come to think of it, Ian wanted to believe that he understood the situation fully when the reality was, he didn't. Until he knew what was swirling around in Barley's head before his blackouts, he'll never fully know why Barley was switching to someone else. Ian knew that he shouldn't ask again, at least not right now. They had gotten through about half of the film and were doing a good job at just being around each other without it feeling weird or unsettling. But how the urge to know pulled at Ian's heartstrings killed him. He felt as if he was so close to the answer, he just needed to hear it and if he heard it there would be a great chance he wouldn't even be surprised, no matter what it was. The only thing that would possibly through him off is if it were something that _did_ label Barley as dangerous...or maybe a secret hatred for Ian that the younger elf didn't know about. It didn't make sense when he thought about it, and he was sure he'd sound ridiculous if he said it out loud, but the possibility didn't leave his mind.   
Feeling too winded up about it, Ian cleared his throat and glanced at Barley from his side of the couch. While the other elf's eyes were glued to the screen. Ian shifted himself in his seat to be slightly closer. He seemed to successfully move without Barley noticing.   
"Hey...Barley?" Ian broke the silence.   
"Hm?" Barley turned to look at Ian, and the younger elf hoped he didn't notice the change in distance.  
"I-I know you probably don't want me urking you about it anymore, but could you just tell me this?" Ian asked. "Are your thoughts something you literally _can't_ tell me or you just won't?"  
Luckily, Barely didn't seem annoyed. He sighed deeply before looking down at his lap. "...It's a mixture between both."   
"D-Did I do something wrong?" Ian asked suddenly feeling frazzled. "Do you hate something about me a-and you feel I should be punished for it?"   
" _What_?" Barley looked at Ian as if he were insane. "No! No Ian, there's no secret hatred for you. There's not a thing I could ever hate about you."   
"Oh...okay. That's-" Ian was cut off from the sound of giggling. When he turned to his brother he was surprise to see Barley genuinely tickled by something. "W-What's so funny?"  
"I just can't believe you thought of something like that.  
"I-It's not funny!" Ian whined.   
"It's so ridiculous that it's funny." Barley said and continued to laugh.   
Ian couldn't help but giggle himself. "Stop laughing at me! I don't know...I guess I was just worried about that possibility, no matter how silly it sounds."   
Barley turned to Ian and the younger elf could've sworn his heat stopped. For the first time in a while, Barley wore one of his signature warm smiles over his face, the same smile that told Ian everything was okay whenever he was down, scared, or upset. "I could never hate or even dislike a thing about you. You're perfect the way you are. I just...I'll do anything to protect you Ian, even if that's from me, I just wanna protect you."   
"...o-okay." Was all Ian could muster the strength to say. Even as Barley turned back to the tv, Ian still found himself stuck in a trance picturing the beautiful smile Barley had given him. It was so perfect Ian began to feel himself tear up. He didn't think he'd see anything remotely close to such a smile on his brother anytime soon. It just felt like a dream to him, and that would've been fine too seeing how he hadn't had any good ones in such a long time. But no, this was real, _that_ was _real_. 

Naturally, Ian wanted more. He felt that this was a sign that one day, and hopefully sooner than he thought, he and Barley would be back and better than ever. He knew it would be selfish of him to push Barley to do anything he didn't want to do, and quite frankly Ian _still_ wasn't sure how he'd react being too close his brother. There were times when he was fine with it and there were times when it scared the absolute crap out of him. In this moment, Ian knew it was a tricky situation seeing how it was the middle of the night, it was dark, quiet, and there mother was tucked away soundly behind her door upstairs, where she probably couldn't get to him in time if anything **did** happen. There would be nothing stopping Barley from silencing Ian with ease and having his way.   
As scary as the thought was, Ian found himself shifting closer to Barley once more. He didn't know what was wrong with him and why he was so willing to take such a chance. He started to contemplate if maybe _he_ was the sick one as he took _another_ bold step closer to Barley. Ian couldn't help it, he missed just being this close to Barley and the last time he had gotten to full on touch him was when he cornered the older elf in his room and hugged him without hesitation. Ian wasn't sure if he was going to go that far again, but that would be okay. He would be perfectly content if-

"...you know I can see you, right?" Barley suddenly said causing Ian to freeze midway as he was taking another step shifting towards his brother again.   
Barley turned to look at the younger elf and only then did it become clear to Ian how close he was. There knees were almost able to brush as Ian shifted himself slightly backwards but didn't go all the way back to where he was originally seated. "S-Sorry! I guess I got a little ahead of myself."   
"...I didn't mind." the older elf suddenly says and Ian's heart immediately reacts, beating twice as fast.   
"Oh god..." Ian sighs deeply, and Barley becomes alarmed.   
"W-What's wrong?" He says moving himself to fully face Ian. "I'm sorry, did I-"   
"No, it's not your fault." Ian interjects. "I-I don't know how to describe it, b-but when you say things like that I just feel so so good. A-And I'm sorry if that's weird to hear, it just my heart starts racing and I start to believe that maybe we're r-really gonna get back to how we used to be."  
"You feel...good?" Barley repeats. "You feel good from thinking that?"  
"I know, I'm such a dork right?" Ian half-heartedly jokes. "I just miss it all so much at times. I know right now, it's obviously hard for you to joke with me, hug me, or even touch me at times...but I just miss it so much. I think one thing I miss the most is when you used to pick me up and squeeze me, in your head you probably thought I was annoyed, b-but it was so comforting. It's like being wrapped up in a blanket that'll shield you from the cold...I just felt you should know that."  
As scared as Ian was to turn and look at his brother, he could feel Barley's eyes on him, not even taking a split moment to look away. "You've always felt this way?" He asked him.  
"Always." Ian responds. "A-And I don't want you to feel guilty for all this, I just thought you deserved an explanation as to why I was being weird and moving closer to you. You don't have to change a thing Barley, just move at your own pace and I'll wait for you."   
"Ian?" Barley called out and the younger elf flinched at the use of his name. He knew what Barley wanted next but he was too afraid to meet his gaze. As he expected, Barley needed Ian's full attention. "Ian, look at me."  
Doing as he was told, Ian turned and noticed that though Barley hadn't moved from his spot on the couch, he was leaning in closer. He waited a moment to see if Ian was uncomfortable with it, but when there was no reaction from the younger elf, Barley spoke. "I'm glad you told me, because now I feel ten times better. And just know, that I feel the _exact_ same way."  
The words sounded like music to Ian's ears and he smiled. "Great."   
"This...this might be a bold request a-and I don't know how you'll feel about it so please tell me no if you're uncomfortable with it," Barley said suddenly. "But...can I hold you? Just for a little?"  
Ian could've sworn his heart stopped as he looked into his brother's eyes to see if he was serious. "H-Hold me?"   
The older elf simply nodded, clearly afraid of what Ian would think, but if he knew what was on Ian's mind at the moment he wasn't sure how _barley_ would feel about it. The question was so simple, yet it made something in Ian suddenly brighten, like a light in the dark. Barley hadn't moved, he hadn't said anything too much or too little, and even if he did that wasn't what Ian was feeling so strangely about.

Barley asked. He _asked_. 

It wasn't like Barley's never asked for things before, but most of the time when it came to affection, Barley would just scoop Ian up and hug him to his hearts content. Now, things were different. Both boys knew that if Barley randomly pulled Ian in for a hug, the results could be **bad**. The odds of Ian being reminded of past events and having a full on panic attack were high. Instead, when Barley asked, it gave Ian the choice of being held or not, all depending on his emotions. Whether Barley was aware of it or not, Ian was extremely grateful for the question because it made him feel...in control. 

"Yes." Ian responded and he wasn't surprised to see Barley's facial expression change to sudden shock.   
"R-Really?" He asked and Ian nodded.   
"Yeah, I-I'm okay with that." Ian told him. "And...I like that you asked so...yeah."   
"Wow, um, okay." Barley says baffled that Ian is really going to allow him to have this. For a moment, he remains still, unsure of how they're going to do this because Barley doesn't want to just reach for Ian.   
Instead, the younger elf takes the lead. "H-Here, open your arms and sit back."   
Slowly but surely, Barley does what he's told. Ian sees the perfect spot for him to sit right in between Barley's legs. He can feel his body slowly start to tremble as he makes his way over to Barley. He isn't sure if it's fear from what he's risking or nervousness from not having something so good after such a long time. Once he touches Barley's thigh, his nerves slip away and he wants nothing more but to keep going, knowing if he turned back now, he would regret it later.   
Ian felt Barley watching him closely as he took his seat in his brothers lap and rested against his chest. Ian looked up at him with his large round doughy eyes, giving Barley all the permission he needed to wrapped his arms around Ian's waist.   
"Thank you." Barley mumbled as he closed his eyes and rested his head on Ian's.   
The younger elf couldn't admit it out loud, but he hadn't felt this good in _months_. It was like he was experiencing a high he wasn't supposed to have and he never wanted it to end. He became more and more comfortable by the second and a smile fell upon his face as he closed his eyes as well. "No problem Barley." Was the last thing Ian said before he fell asleep. 

  
It was all supposed to remain that perfect. Barley seemed content and Ian surely was himself. 

Everything seemed alright, but once again Ian was reminded that his fears had it out for him. What once was a peaceful sleep, turned into a frightening nightmare as Ian panicked in his sleep. There he was...the person he trusted most in the world, pinning him down and watching with interest as Ian struggled to get free. The cries of the younger elf seemed to mean nothing and even as Ian tried digging his nails into his brother's arm, there was no reaction that was helping his case.   
"Please, _please_ don't do this." Ian begged through his sobs. "Don't do this!"   
Suddenly Barley's grip tightened as he flipped Ian around onto his stomach. As Ian tried scurrying away, it was pointless as Barley grabbed him by his hips and kept him in place.   
"No..." Ian whined Barley made sure Ian could feel his excitement through his pants before he tore off Ian's with ease. "N-No..."   
Barley leaned over the smaller elf and licked up and down the crook of his neck. With no warning, he bit down **hard** into Ian's shoulder, a action Ian very well knew would result in blood and a terrible bruise. For a moment, Barley released him and Ian could only assume it was so Barley could remove himself from his pants. Ian took the opportunity to squirm away, only to be yanked back within seconds. He fought his brother off with all his might, but deep down he knew it was no good.   
"B-Barley please," Ian sobbed as he felt his brother position himself to forcibly enter somewhere he wasn't given any type of permission to. "Y-You...you wouldn't do this."   
Ian felt his heart stop as Barley grabbed him by his jaw and turned him to look at him. As Ian came in contact with his attackers sharp steel eyes, another set of tears streamed down his face and Barley's grip tightened. "You have **no idea** what I would do."

  
Ian's eyes shot open as he gasped heavily for air. His eyes darted around the room until they focused on the light coming from the tv. Confusion filled the elf's mind because there wasn't a tv in his room, but then he remembered he had fallen asleep in the living room along with...  
His heart dropped all over as he felt the large hands wrapped around him and the slow rising and falling of a chest that wasn't his. Throughout his entire nightmare, Ian remained wrapped in Barley's arms. Instantly, a thousand thoughts filled Ian's mind and he suddenly struggled to control his breathing. Whenever he woke up from those terrible moments, he always struggled to breathe but he had gotten better at controlling it before it caused him to lose it. However, this was a completely different situation. Barley was here this time, **for** **real**. Ian froze completely and he tried slowly down his breathing but it was hard. He was terrified to look up to see Barley possibly awake and possibly...switched.   
He prayed his brother was still asleep and didn't notice the sweaty, petrified mess of a brother he was holding. The last thing he wanted was for Barley to see him like this as he remained terrified of his previous theory of Barley waking up switched. He wanted to get out of there, he wanted to break out of Barley's arms and run to his room. To stop himself from digging his nails into his brothers arms as a defense mechanism, he turned back to the tv as a distraction. That movie that they had been watching earlier was on again, and Ian assumed the channel must've been rerunning it over and over. As he stared at the screen, he couldn't help but start thinking about how terrible the CGI was and he wondered if the spells the wizards were chanting were even real.   
Even with all that in mind, Barley still found a way to enjoy it. An image of Barley's smile flashed into Ian's mind when the younger elf first agreed to watch the silly movie with his brother for the first time. Barley had been overly excited and it made Ian laugh at the time. As Ian thought deeper into the memory, he suddenly was aware that his breathing regulated and that he was okay.

He was wrapped up in Barley's arms...and he was okay. 

As great as it sounded, small flashes of the nightmare filled Ian's head again. He hissed at what he saw and tried to push them out, only resulting in them becoming stronger. He began to cry, afraid of beginning to hate Barley all over again. He looked up at his brother and his eyes widened at what he was looking at. There were no sharp eyes or evil glares. There was no pinning down or forced removal of clothes. It was just Barley, sleeping soundly, with the calmest expression on his face that Ian had seen in forever.   
Ian closed his eyes, knowing that his flashes were going to keep coming, but he thought of something better whenever it happened. For every terrible image he saw, he thought about a memory of when Barley smiled at him or laughed. Ian practically had a whole library of them so as he tried to recall as many as he could he prayed this idea would work. Ian thought about the time Barley took him sledding when they were small, the time Barley nursed Ian back to health after he gotten sick during the summer, the time Barley was his biggest supporter at his high school's math-off, and so many more times when Barley just truly shined as the best brother.   
Ian's tears became to cease as he focused more on the feeling or Barley's chest rising and falling as he slept. Ian shifted himself slightly so that he could look over his brothers face once again and almost as quick as they came, his fears started to drift away.   
It wasn't Barley in those nightmares, and it wasn't Barley in real life. THIS was the Barley Ian knew, and this was the Barley Ian trusted with all his heart. Even though his hands still trembled from his terrible sleep, Ian wrapped his arms around Barley's neck.  
"You wouldn't do that." Ian repeated softly as he nuzzled himself into the crook of Barley's neck. "Not you Barley. You _wouldn't_ do that."  
He closed his eyes ready to fall back asleep but before he fully dozed off, he heard Barley groan in his sleep. He noticed the elf's hands tighten their grip on him and Barley began to squirm. Ian naturally assumed Barley must've been experiencing his version of the same horrors. He raised his hand up to Barley's scalp and combed through his hair.   
"I'm here." Ian mumbled and he didn't fall asleep again until the older elf's movements came to a halt and his body relaxed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's it goin? This chapters kinda long lol.

Ian turned a page of his book and sighed. He looked back and forth between the text and the pretty pictures of different types of gems. Barley sat not so far, but actually nearby as Ian looked through the large encyclopedia of gemstones and crystals. Time to time, Ian would glance over at the larger elf and he'd smirk when he saw Barley watching him closely, practically anxious to know what Ian thinks about the crystals.   
"This ones nice," Ian point to a shiny deep violet gem. "Tell me about it?"   
Barley leans slightly close to pull the book over to him. He takes once glance at the picture before pushing the book back to Ian. "That's tanzanite, mainly used for healing and strength spells. I think it's the second most affective."   
"Uh-huh." Ian nodded, genuinely entertain with Barley's excitement. He points to another gem that's green and chiseled. "And this one?"   
"Oh that's emerald; surprisingly it's found in a lot of "trickster" magic, or at least that's what it's called. You know, like playing pranks and dumb jokes. Some wizards used to pull of actual get rich quick schemes with it too."   
Ian couldn't help but laugh. " _Really_?"  
"Yup, _you_ couldn't of been one of them though. You're too nice for that typa thing." Barley grins knowing he's right.   
Ian rolls his eyes. "Whatever you say." 

They had spent the last hour or so just looking at gems. Barley brought Ian the book randomly as he was messing with his phone at the dining room table. He claimed that there was one word in the book that he was struggling to understand or even...pronounce, and since Ian was super smart he felt he was the best option to turn to. Ian gladly showed Barley how to say the word and what it meant. Barley had his answer, but he chose to stick around the minute Ian showed interest in the book. It was company that Ian surely didn't mind.   
When they had woken up that morning, the first thing they saw was there mother staring down at them with the biggest smile on her face watching her sons cuddle. Both brothers groaned and separated themselves before there mother could go on. She made them breakfast and once again they all sat at the dining room table. Ian noticed that Barley was able to walk in and out of the kitchen better now. Even if he still couldn't sit at the kitchen table, it showed progress. After breakfast, Ian went to get some work done in his room and Barley went to fiddle with car parts.   
The entire time apart, Ian continued to wonder what Barley was doing, what he was thinking, and if it had anything to do with him? He guessed he got too caught up in his emotions last night, because now he didn't seem to want to part with the older elf. Ian tried not to give in to his foolishness, but he eventually found himself downstairs at the dining room table, not to far from Barley's bedroom door. 

Most of the gems and crystals Ian had pointed to he knew about already, but he just found it so fun to see Barley become so excited over something so small.   
"What's this one?" Ian asked pointing to a crystal he knew all too well to be selenite.  
"Selenite, it's mainly used for invisibility and cloaking spells." Barley told him before tilting his head in confusion. "I'm surprised you don't recognize this one."  
"Hm? Why's that?"  
"Because there's the exact same crystal in your _room_. I brought it back for you when I went away and told you all about them!"  
"Ah yes!" Ian nodded in agreement. "Is this the time you told me that if I managed to cast an invisibility spell on you, the first thing you do is go loot a bunch of bags of cheese curls?"  
Barley scoffs and laughs at himself. "It was a good idea at the time."

Both Ian and his brother laugh and for a moment, Ian truly believes that this might be one of his favorite memories from the past year. Although so much has happened, so many days and nights have gone by filled with doubt and worry, here they both were picking up the pieces step by step. Ian knew they could do it and he was so happy to prove himself right. Barley seemed genuinely content and obviously Ian knew he wasn't fully healed or past all this, but over the last week Ian's noticed a great effort in Barley to get comfortable again with just being himself. Both of them allowing themselves to sleep on the couch together had been a major turning point, and Ian prayed they'd continue with trusting each other.

Almost as if reading his mind, Barley cleared his throat and shifted slightly closer to Ian. It was an action the older elf thought gone unnoticed, but he was unaware that Ian had been watching him from the side of his eye and he was able to pick up on most things his brother did, including the constant glances Barley gave him. After he cleared his throat again, Ian finally turned to Barley.   
"What's wrong?" Ian asked.   
"Uh, nothing." Barley response had caused Ian to frown.  
"You're a terrible liar." Ian shook his head.   
"I'm not!" the older elf chuckled at his brothers skepticism.  
"Come on, out with it." Ian insisted. "There's clearly something on your mind."   
"Well...it's nothing big, it-" Barley begins to fumble over his words and Ian can't help but noticed how nervous he's becoming. "It's just, do you think it's alright if...I hold your hand?"  
Ian tilted his head, not quite sure if he heard that correctly. "You...wanna hold my hand?"  
As the words replayed in Ian's head, he realized he must've been making some sort of confused face because the older elf quickly changed his mind. "N-Nevermind, sorry it was a stupid thing to-"  
"N-No!" Ian cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "No, it's okay...Yeah, I'm fine with that."   
"...Are you really?" Barley asked him and Ian nodded.   
"Y-Yeah, I mean why not?" Ian said as he extended his hand out to Barley. "Thank you, for asking."

Barley was hesitant for a moment, but he calmly extended his hand and placed Ian's slightly smaller one in it. Ian immediately noticed the sensation of the new warmth in Barley's hand travel up his arm and slowly spread to the rest of his body. It was a weird feeling, but it was nice, especially the way Barley rubbed over Ian's skin with his thumb.   
"I'm sorry." Barley apologizes as he stares down at their connected hands. "Please tell me if this starts to feel weird."  
Ian shrugs and makes the bold move of intertwining their fingers together. "You don't have to apologize it's not weird. It's actually...not bad at all."   
" _Really_?" Barley's smile and gaze makes Ian's heart speed up and he laughs to distract himself from it.   
"Yeah, really." Ian points to another gem, one that baby blue this time. "Now tell me about this one."

As Barley went on explaining basic information about different gems and crystals, Ian stayed caught up on how nice it felt to be consensually held. He's never really held Barley's hand before but it was so nice to feel in control. If Ian would've said no, then that would've been it and it was nice to have that jurisdiction over his body. Barley was understanding and respecting his brother's boundaries, and asking was the first way to know whether Ian was okay with something or not. The younger elf couldn't be happier with Barley's new approach when he wanted to touch him.  
Barley was in the middle of explaining more about a smooth crystal when their mother walked down the steps and spotted them at the table. From her angle, she wasn't able to see that their hands were interlocked together but Ian doubted she would've questioned it in the first place.   
"Hey boys!" She greeted them. "What're you up to?"  
"I'm showing Ian different gemstones and crystals." Barley turned around in his chair to see her.  
She smirked. "Ah, so basic stuff."   
"Pretty much." he smiled before turning back to Ian.   
"You look like you're going somewhere." Ian pointed out as his mother put on a coat.   
"Yes! I'm just gonna run over to the manticores." She tells him. "I left my purse their. I might stop by the mall on the way home."   
"Cool, need help with anything?" Ian asked.   
"No you guys stay here and enjoy your gems and stones. Plus I got a bunch of stuff in the front seat I have to return."   
"Again?" Ian shakes his head and his mother shrugs.   
"Again." She laughs. "Do you want me to pick you up anything?"   
"No, I think I'm okay." Ian answered as he felt his skip a beat when Barley's thumb brushed against his knuckles.   
"Okay then, Barley?" A short silence filled the room as both Ian and Laurel waited for Barley's response...except it never came. "Barley, did you hear me love?"  
Ian looked at his brother and saw that his eyes were glued to the encyclopedia in front of him. Ian tilted his head, trying to get a better view of his brother's face. "Hey, Barley, mom's about to-" 

Barley finally looked up at his brother, and Ian felt his heart drop the second he saw the sharp eyes. It didn't take him long to process what just happened.

"Shit." Ian mumbled under his breath as he remained paralyzed under his brother's rough gaze. He couldn't even react when he felt the once soft gentle grip that Barley had on his hand quickly change into something tighter, almost trying to ensure Ian couldn't get away. The sheer shock as well as horror was clear in Ian's eyes, and as the older elf noticed it, he began to smile.  
"Ian?" The younger elf was immediately snapped back to reality as he realized his mother was still only a couple feet away. He looked at her and tried not to make his fear obvious. "What's wrong, you alright? You suddenly look like you've seen something terrible."  
A tiny voice in Ian's mind was shouting for him to tell her what was about to happen to free himself, but the louder voice told him he could never do that. "Y-Yeah I'm fine sorry. We just saw a really cool...crystal. O-On second thought mom, do you think you could pick up more peanut butter. I think we're out."   
"Well yeah I can but you know supermarkets are packed at this time so it might be awhile before it gets here." She says and Ian's grateful to hear it.  
"I know, sorry about that." He tells her. "That's all me and Barley w-want. I'll see you later mom."   
"Okay bye Barley! Bye Ian!" She waves goodbye to the one son that's actually acknowledging her. As she walks out the door, a part of Ian wanted her to stay. He wanted to maybe ask her if she was _sure_ she didn't need any help because Ian would gladly tag along. But knowing that him asking will only raise high suspicions he let her walk out, closing the door behind her because if she stayed, Ian didn't know if she'd be able to handle what she'd see. 

The sound of Barley's throat being cleared caused Ian to instantly bring his attention back to his brother. Pure panic began to set in once he saw the smile on Barley's face and the sharpness in his eyes confirmed that this was happening and it was happening _now_. 

"Hey Ian." Barley suddenly greeted and it sent shivers running all through Ian's body.   
The younger elf quickly yanks his hand out of his brothers before he could tighten his grip. Ian jumped to his feet and backed away from the dining room table. Barley didn't follow, but he watched Ian closely. "What the _fuck_." Ian cursed as his breathes became irregular.   
"That's not something I hear from you often." Barley said dragging his knuckles against the wood.   
"W-Who are you?" Barley asked.   
"You **know** me." Barley says and Ian immediately disagrees.  
" **No** , I don't. You aren't him." Ian tells the imposter in his brothers body. "What do you want?"  
Barley's smirk disappears and as scary as he was before, it becomes terrifying for Ian to see the seriousness in his brother's eyes. "Don't play dumb with me you know why I'm here."   
It doesn't take a genius to understand what the older elf means by that. Ian's knees try going weak, but this time he refuses to fall. He glances at the staircase before looking back at Barley. As Ian began to slowly back away, Barley fixes himself to stand up.   
"Don't-" 

Before he can finish, Ian takes off sprinting for the steps. Clearly caught off guard, Barley follows him but Ian has a pretty good lead. As he runs up the steps he watches his feet, careful not to allow his panic to trip him up. Once on the second floor he continues to dash for his room and once inside he turns to close the door behind him. He's able to see Barley for a split second before he slams his door shut and locks it. Ian pushes his weight up against the door and as his back rests against it, bits and pieces from a number of his nightmares fill his head, reminding him that this was why he could never be free of them.   
"Stop...stop, stop!" Ian yells at himself as his mind fills with images of what the older elf has done in the past. "T-That isn't him, this isn't him!"   
All of Ian's thoughts come to a halt and he gives a shout when there's a hard bang on the other side of the door. Ian quickly moves away from it and feels helpless as all he can do is pray his new lock is strong enough to keep Barley out. His body trembles as he watches Barley fiddle with the doorknob.   
"Ian." the older elf speaks from the other side of the door. "Ian let me in."   
Ian steps back until his back is to the wall. "G-Go away." He practically whispers.   
"I don't want to have to break this again." Barley warns. " **Open it**."   
"I said go away!" Ian screams desperately. "Get the fuck away from me!"  
Ian nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears Barley's fist bang against the door once again. "Ian I'm running out of patience. Don't make this hard or I'm gonna become very angry."   
"What's wrong with you?" Ian asks as he makes his way to the furthest side of his room. He knows it's only a matter of time before this version of Barley uses that anger as strength. "C-Can't you see I _hate_ when you come around? Don't you know I'm afraid of you?! Y-You tell me I know you, but I don't have the slightest clue who you are because you're **not** Barley! I **hate** when you do this, just-"

Ian fell silent when he heard the snap of wood and the outer part of his doorknob hitting the floor. The door was pushed open and Ian saw that his brother had tore it off. Ian pushed himself impossibly further into the corner of his room as he watched Barley walk over to him, clearly unhappy.   
"Let me **explain** something to you." He growled. "You know how most people have a little voice in their head? Well Barley's is a little stronger, and that's what allows **me** to take over."  
Pure panic fills Ian's heart as Barley reaches for him. He's able to duck it and run from the corner, but he can't fight when Barley grabs his arm and yanks him back. "Stop fucking running from me." The older elf snaps before pushing Ian onto his bed. Ian tries to get away but is held down once Barley gets on top of him. "I'm the part of Barley that gets to do what he doesn't have the balls to make happen."  
"Let go!" Ian pulls at his sheets as he attempts to crawl away. As Barley begins working on undoing Ian's pants, Ian tries reaching for something, _anything_ to help him.   
Ian began to feel under his pillows unsure of what would be there, but as his hand fell upon something hard, he suddenly remembered a certain item Barley had given him in the past; an item Ian swore he was never going to use. In felt the handle of the blade Barley had given to him for moments just like this. It had been under his pillow to hide it from their mom who might start asking questions as to where it came from and why he had it. If she could see what was happening now, she'd understand exactly why Barley thought he'd need it.

Without a second thought, Ian grabbed the knife and pulled it out from under his pillow. Ian lifted it in his hand, making sure Barley could see it first before he swung it at the older elf, not to cut him but to give a warning. Barley instantly moves to avoid the knife and he backs up off the younger elf. "I **said** _let **go**_."  
Barley's hands ball into fist and he glares down at Ian, who holds the knife up with his shaking hands. "Ian, put that down you're going to hurt yourself."   
"Not anymore than you've hurt me." Ian spits back. "I don't know who you are or why you keep doing this to me, but I just wish you'd fucking stop. You're ruining my life and fucking up my relationship with Barley!"   
"I already told you I'm-"   
"YOU'RE **NOT** HIM!" Ian yells at the top of his lungs. "Don't you **EVER** tell me that again!"   
As Ian struggles to keep his composure, he begins to find it ten times harder when the older elf in front of him begins to relax. "...You're not gonna cut me."   
"W-What?"   
"You're not gonna do it." Barley shrugs. "I know you won't."   
"You don't know a **thing**." Ian growls and tries steadying his hands.   
"I know that you love Barley; that is, the one that you're missing so much right now." he says and Ian's eyes widen. "Even if you don't believe that me and him are the same person, I know you love him with all your heart and you'd never do anything to hurt him."   
"I...I wouldn't hurt him," Ian tells the elf in front of him. "I wouldn't hurt him and he knows that! I'm trying to hurt you!"   
"But in his body." He counters and Ian gasps at the obvious realization. "How do you think he's gonna feel when he comes back and sees himself all cut up? Or worst, what if he doesn't come back at all, because you decided to kill-"  
"I WOULDN'T do that!" Ian shouts before he can finish. "He'd understand where the cuts came from and why they're their, now stop trying to scare me into giving you what you want!"   
"Oh Ian," Barley cooed softly. He began to close in on Ian and although the younger elf still held up the blade, he couldn't bring himself to move. "I'm not trying to scare you, you're doing that all on your own because you know I'm right. Can you really live with looking at my face everyday after you sliced it or _stabbed_ me? Is that a guilt you want to live with."   
"...no." Ian mumbled as his body trembled more.   
"No you can't, because you don't want to hurt Barley." The elf says as he slowly wraps his hands around Ian's.   
"N-No...I don't want to hurt him." Ian says and tears fall down his face. His brother removes the dagger from Ian's hands.   
"You love him, don't you?"  
"I...l-love him." Ian repeats and doesn't bother fighting back as he feels his brother's hands wrap around his waist.   
"Because you love **me**." He adds on and Ian can't fight back as his chin is lifted so he has no choice but to look at Barley through teary eyes.  
"You...you aren't..."   
"Come on Ian, get real." Barley says before he pushes Ian back down roughly and flips him on his stomach. Ian groans when he's pulled by his hair to hold himself up on his hands and knees. "You're refusing to face reality but I already _gave_ you your answers, the ones the other guy's been trying to hide from you."  
"H-How do you kn-"  
"Don't ask me silly questions Ian. You keep telling yourself that I'm not **him**. But who do you see right now?" Barley snaps before he grabs for Ian's hair again and holds his head up to look in his mirror against the wall. Ian's eyes widen and he gasps, quickly trying to turn his face from the sight, but Barley pulls him up, forcing him to look. "No, **look**. Who do you see Ian? That's **me** and that's **you** , and you're submitting to me like the good boy you are in my dreams; the one that let's me leave marks where people can see so they know how good he gets **fucked** at home. Accept that this is what I want from you because guess what? I'll let you in on a little secret."   
Barley holds Ian in place as he thrusts himself inside him without warning and of course, the okay to. He sinks his teeth into the upper part of Ian's neck and the younger elf hisses as his arms give in and his chest hits the bed. He hides his face in his sheets, desperately trying to avoid looking at himself in the mirror again. Barley licks at the small drops of blood that escape Ian before he moves to his ear. 

"The other side of me you praise so much? He thinks about doing this to you about a hundred times a day." He says and Ian doesn't have time to react before Barley begins to become rough and a new set of tears stain his sheets. 

It's been an hour since Barley left Ian's room. This time he made sure to give him a kiss before marking his lip as well. Ian didn't fight it, mainly because he no longer had the strength to.   
"Bye Ian, I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon." The older elf smiled and winked before he left.   
Ian didn't respond or react. He just watched his brother leave and once gone, he got up and broke his mirror into a million pieces. He wasn't angry, he just never wanted to have to see that again. He broke his bathroom mirror and a small drawer mirror on his desk as well. He **really** wanted to make sure that that Barley never had the chance to make him see it again. Ian really didn't think they could've gotten worse, but somehow the older elf had managed to up the ante. That was something Ian was sure he'd be seeing in his sleep a lot from now on, and he hated it. He managed to clean himself up, front and back, but he didn't bother with the shards of glass all over the floor. He figured he'd get to it before his mom got home. 

He was SO GRATEFUL that his mom hadn't got home. 

The worst part of it all was that Ian was questioning himself. This form of Barley had gotten him to think about the one he's always with a lot closely and he knows he really does love him...he's just not sure if it's the way he's supposed to. Ian always felt most people got butterflies, playfully anxious, and warm feelings whenever there siblings came around, but was he wrong? Was that just...him? He couldn't say he had a definite answer, and that made him feel like an idiot. He cried mostly about that after he got back in bed. He had no right to judge Barley, because here he was genuinely confused about his feelings towards his brother.

Suddenly, Ian heard footsteps and he knew the hardest part about all of this was coming. Within seconds, Ian saw his door get pushed open and Barley... _his_ Barley, walk in staring at the shattered glass, the broken wood, and hole where the doorknob should be. He bent down and picked up the metal item and looked it over.  
"...Ian?" Barley's voice cracked as he spoke.   
Ian wiped his face before looking back at his brother with dull eyes. "Yes?"  
"...I blacked-out."  
Ian nodded his head slowly, his heart breaking hearing those words. "I know."   
"It...It happened again, didn't it?" Barley asked and when Ian just blankly stared back at him, he pushed on. " _Didn't it_?!"  
"...Yes."  
Barley dropped the doorknob. Ian couldn't help comparing Barley's expression to someone who just got hit by a car. A silence filled the room as Ian allowed Barley to take in the fact that he had just raped Ian for the third time without even knowing. The older elf began to tear and his hands balled into fist."   
"...Why didn't you go and get someone?" He asked Ian ad the younger elf tilted his head.   
"Excuse me?" Ian asked, not sure if he heard the question right.   
"Why didn't you _get_ someone afterwards?!" He repeated. "Why didn't you tell the police or mom?!"  
" _What_?" Ian snapped.   
"You heard me!" Barley walked into the room and grabbed at the dagger on the floor. He walked up to Ian and placed it in his hands and enclosed Ian's in his own. "Why didn't you use this?! I told you to use it, I told you to-" Barley tries to pull himself together as squeezes his eyes shut and lowers his head. "...I told you to use it."  
Ian watched his brother breakdown, but he couldn't go on allowing Barley to ask such questions. "You know why I didn't call mom and you know why I couldn't use the knife." He tells him.   
Barley looks up at him, only this time he looks genuinely angry. "That's **bullshit**."   
"W-What?"   
"No more protecting me Ian!" Barley says and he makes his way to Ian's door. "I'm going to call mom, we're telling her first."   
For the second time today, our panic filled Ian's heart as he watched his brother get closer to the door. Ian jumped out of bed and ran past Barley to slam his door shut, with both of them still in it. "What do you think you're _doing_?!"  
" _Move_ Ian, we've tried it your way and it's not stopping anything!" Barley goes to open the door but Ian quickly steps in front of the Holdens where the doorknob was supposed to be.   
"You know what? _Fuck_ you Barley!" Ian shouts catching his brother by surprise. "You can't just do that! You can't just _decide_ that I have to tell **anyone**."   
"So I don't get to decide if I want to tell somebody?!"  
"NO, because it's MY SECRET!"   
"IT'S MY SECRET TOO!  
"THEN DO IT FOR _ME_!" Ian shouts as tears start falling down his face and Barley goes silent. "Do it for m-me Barley, please. You at least owe me that much, I'm begging you please don't tell anyone!"  
"...okay." Barley responds and lowers his head.   
"You don't get it." Ian tells him. "You don't get what it feels like because you're not there. He's...He's always so rough. He throws me down, takes off everything, and he marks me every time." Ian shows Barley his bite marks under his jaw and the older elf turns away in shame. "There's times when I wake up in the night after I see it happen to me again and for a split moment I'm mad at you, but then I keep reminding myself that he's not _you_...But today...today he toyed with me a different way."  
Barley backed away from he door and Ian. He sat in Ian's desk chair and stared at the ground. "I'm sorry Ian...I'm sorry. I really am, I-I don't know how to stop." 

"I figured it out, by the way." Ian tells his brother and the older elf looks up at him, clearly confused. "Right before he did what he did, he let me in on a secret."   
"...A secret?" Barley repeated.   
Ian nodded. "He says you dream about doing me a hundred times a day." The slow shock that formed across Barley's face was enough for Ian to know that it wasn't just a trick the other form of Barley was playing. "Can you tell me about that, Barley?"  
The older elf stayed silent for a moment. "...That's wrong Ian. He lied."  
Ian walked over to Barley who remained seated but suddenly worried. Ian kneeled down right in front of him, giving Barley to look deep into his dull broken eyes and feel the guilt. "I have been very patient Barley. I wanted to do this step by step and over time, but you just raped me for the third time. I'm just trying to avoid making a forth. Now, tell me the truth."  
It became painfully clear to Barley that Ian wasn't letting this one go no matter what, so he had no choice but to explain...everything. "Shit, Ian...I'm, I-I'm so sorry. I didn't think you'd ever have to hear this."  
Ian stood up and watched his brother. "Well, here we are, so tell me. Is _that_ wha you think of doing to me?"

" _No!_ I never...I-I never pictured it the way he did it! I wouldn't do that to you." Barley swore.

"Then tell me," Ian said. "Please."

"...Ian, I-I've always looked after you ever since you were born and that gave me a lot of time to just...be around you. The more time I spent around you...the more I realized how absolutely perfect you were. By the time I was eleven...I developed a crush. I always wanted to be around you, I _craved_ it a-and maybe that's where I went wrong because sooner or later, I-I had to face the truth...I was your brother. I kept my mouth shut about it, because I didn't want you to hate me or let my feelings get in the way of anything for you. But year by year of just being around you, having you so close and in reach made it so much harder. I began thinking about nothing else but you, a-and when you turned eighteen I-" Barley paused for a moment. He glanced at Ian and away. "I guess my imagination grew wider."

Ian took a second to process everything Barley had said. "So...you're like...in love with me?"   
"I-I'm sorry but..." Barley mumbled. "yes; I'm hopelessly crazy about you."  
"...huh."   
Barley lifted his eyes to see Ian's face. "I guess you hate me now, right?"  
"N-No!"  
"Disgusted with me?"  
"...No."  
Barley tilted his head. "How _do_ you feel about it then?  
"I...I don't know."  
"You _don't_ know?" Barley repeated surprised. "I just told you something as unbelievable as that and you don't know how to feel?!"  
"What do you want from me, I don't know!" Ian exclaimed. "Look, I'm not super thrilled that you've been in love with me since we were kids...but I'm not disgusted or grossed out either. I literally have no words."   
"Oh."

A silence fell between the brothers and Ian shook his head. He couldn't believe this was going down like this. As intelligent as his friends and family thought he was, he had no clue that all of Barley's affection, gifts, and overprotective behavior was coming from a place of _that_ kind of love. He should've known but he guessed his own feelings of being happy with the treatment blocked the thoughts out. But Ian couldn't judge for that exact reason. He wasn't so sure of his OWN feelings towards Barley and he knew he was going to have to be honest with him about later. However, right now Ian just wanted to know one thing.

"Why...why didn't you just ask?" Ian asked him.  
Barley tilted his head slightly. "I'm sorry?"  
"Why didn't you ask first?" Ian repeated. "I-I don't know you could've just asked me how I felt about you or felt about you having those feelings?"  
"It's not that easy Ian." Barley tells him and the answer frustrates Ian.   
"Yeah but you should know you can literally tell me anything, _everything_!" He exclaimed. "What changed?"  
"N-Nothing changed! I can still tell you anything, but that was just something I felt if I told you I'd lose...everything."  
"...Barley I still want to figure this out my way."  
"Okay."   
"B-But there's a new way I want to try this." Ian tells him. "I discovered that there's something that I really like from you a-and...you might be satisfied with the results."  
"What do you mean?" Barley asked extremely curious.  
"Well...I might not be up for it at times, but I like when you ask me...before you hold or touch me. S-So as long as you ask...I might be able to grant you what you want." Ian said.  
For a moment the older elf stared at his brother for a moment and once he realized this was really an offer his eyes widened. "Wait... _what_?"

Ian knew that his brother would be shocked, but it was a deal Ian was genuinely willing to make. He really felt in control having the option of saying yes or no. If Barley asked, and Ian was able to tell him be _gentle_ with hugging him, holding his hand...and MAYBE kissing him, then it wouldn't be half bad. Plus, Ian decided that he was going to take this opportunity to discover his own feelings. It was selfish of him not to tell Barley about this part but he felt it would be just to embarrassing now. He promised, he'd tell him later.

"I'm serious. I really don't mind." Ian said. "But you have to be gentle with everything. I-If you're rough I'll be reminded of...the other guy. If I say no though, it's only going to be because I'm not comfortable."  
"Ian, I couldn't do that." Barley said. "There's no way I could take that offer! I don't deserve you're kindness don't you get it?"  
"Don't _you_ get it?" Ian asked. "You promised you'd let me do this my way.  
"...no, no I know Ian, but I can't let you do that for me." Barley tells him.   
"It isn't all up to you Bar-"  
"You can't trust yourself with me!" Barley exclaims. "I'm just gonna let you down again I know it."  
"Barley-"   
"If I lose you Ian, it's all over. I **don't** want to hurt you again-"

Barley is cut short when Ian kneels down again and kisses his brother. Barley immediately grabs at Ian's hips to try and push him away but Ian wrapped his arms around Barley's neck. If what Barley said is true, Ian knows that his denial will end shortly and the truth will come out. Just as Ian predicted, pretty soon Barley wrapped his arms fully around Ian and melted into there kiss. He pulled Ian slightly closer and the young elf held his breath hoping they wouldn't get any closer because then he'd have to stop. Soon, Ian broke them apart and took deep breaths. That wasn't only a way to show Barley that he should take the deal but it was also a test for Ian to see if he'd _really_ be okay with it. After seeing he was fine and no panic was rising in his chest and looked up at his brother and knew that he'd be alright.   
Barley on the other hand seemed so torn up that they had to do this for him. Ian felt awful, because he really wanted Barley to tell him about his thoughts in his own time but it had gotten to the point where they had no choice. He knew Barley just felt guilty about Ian helping him in this way and Ian had to admit it surely was...different. However, at the end of the day the most important person to Ian was Barley and he was going to be there for him no matter what it took. 

"I'm sorry." Barley whispered as a tear rolled down his cheek.   
Ian wiped it away and rested his forehead on his brothers. "It's okay. We'll figure it out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the route I decided to go lol anyway, 13th coming soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: I've decided to add an extra chapter, an idea came up in my mind and I decided to use it in this fanfic.

"Hey Ian?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Can I...hold your hand?"  
"Sure." 

"Ian?"  
"Yes Barley?"  
"Is it alright if I move closer?"  
"Yeah, no problem."

"Um...Ian?"  
"Hm?"  
"Can I hug you, j-just for a moment?"  
"Yeah, it's alright."

These have been the few request Barley's been juggling back and forth asking Ian for. It takes him a good while to build up the courage to ask and Ian is forced to watch Barley battle with himself on if he's going to do it or not. Ian knows it takes so long for the older elf to ask simply because he's scared of the possibility of rejection, but on numerous occasions, he's told Barley that he should still try.   
There's only been about three or four times when Ian's told Barley no. It wasn't because he didn't want to keep up his end of the deal and help Barley. The first two times was only because Ian was busy finishing up some work and Barley wanted to cuddle with him and watch a movie. As much as he didn't want to, his work was overdue and he wasn't really used to doing assignments in front of others either way. The third and fourth time, Ian had just woken up from one of his terrifying flashbacks. Being touched by Barley was surely going to make him uncomfortable. He didn't tell Barley that when the older elf asked to be around him; he just said that he was really tired. Ian knew telling the truth would only make Barley take a step back from him. The older elf didn't tell Ian when he had his breakdown moments and Ian was sure it was for a very similar reason.   
But majority of the time, Ian was well enough to accept Barley's urges. The older elf didn't do a thing without permission anymore; possibly afraid to move too fast and mess things up for himself. If he wanted to hold Ian's hand, before he mustered the courage to ask Ian could see a slightly shimmer in his eye. When the older elf wanted to hold him, Ian knew the request was coming when he saw Barley's hand begin to slightly twitch. Like he had finally admitted, he wanted Ian _bad_ and it showed.

He didn't ask Ian how he felt about him being in love with him, and Ian was glad he didn't because he wouldn't exactly know how to answer. Again, Ian wasn't thrilled but he wasn't upset either. It was definitely a strange situation but all Ian could do is accept the reality of it and not pretend as if it isn't there. Barley was good to him, and he never asked for anything in return all his life. For the first time, he wanted something and though it wasn't a normal request, Ian knew he could never find it in his heart to hate Barley for asking. What really made Ian okay with all of it was knowing that it was his Barley asking for the affection, **not** the other one who just took it. 

Plus...Ian was still figuring things out within himself. 

Whenever Barley did hold or hug him, Ian still receive butterflies and all throughout his body his nerves felt like they were tingling. For the rare occasions Barley asked for a kiss, Ian wouldn't ever say no. Barley wouldn't ever pull him in closer or even wrap his arms around him; he'd just lean down and give Ian a quick peck. While sometimes it seemed to short for the younger elf, he was glad he even received something so gentle because the _other_ barley wasn't so soft. Barley's sweet kisses was all Ian needed to confirm that yes, he might've liked his brother a little more than other people liked their siblings. It wasn't something he'd say he was ashamed of, but he knew he wouldn't go around telling people either, not even Barley. He didn't know why, but he felt as if something would change if he told Barley about the small crush he had. Maybe Barley would think he was corrupting him; maybe he'd blame himself and find a way to separate them in order to make Ian's feeling die out...

Or maybe he'd be happy and wouldn't mind allowing Ian to kiss him whenever HE wanted to. 

Whenever Ian thought about the multiple possibilities of an outcome, he'd shake the thoughts out of his head. He felt they would just get in the way of his current goal, which was to make sure _Barley_ was the one mostly satisfied. Ian didn't want to get ahead of himself. Barley may have seemed alright now and as if he was going to be just fine, but Ian knew deep down that there was still a good chance that the other version of Barley could pop up at any second. For all Ian knew, the other Barley could use Ian's feelings against him, and the younger elf knew it would work. Even if it wasn't really his brother, the elf looked and sounded _just_ like Barley, just much more aggressive and cruel. Ian wouldn't know what he'd do if Barley was really like that, life would be much different for sure.   
That's why he was grateful for the Barley he had now, the one who was gentle, who took care of him, and never disappointed. As much as Ian secretly enjoys the holding, cuddling, and rare kisses, he has to make sure they aren't going to cloud his mind from focusing on what he really wants at the end of the day: Barley to be happy.

Ian felt as if they were doing a good job at looking out for each other, but then suddenly the older elf approached Ian as he was sitting on the couch and things went south. As Barley walked over, he wore a smile on his face. Ian smiled back as Barley took a seat on the couch beside him.   
"Hey Barley," Ian greeted him, feeling better already having his brother so close to him. "Whatcha doin?"  
"Hey you," Barley said as he reached over and ran his fingers though Ian's hair, an action that was seen as safe for both of them. "I was actually looking for you."   
"Yeah? Missed me already?"  
Barley shrugged, and Ian's smile grew realizing there was clearly some truth in his question. "I guess a little...I just wanted to see what you were doing."   
"Just watching tv," Ian said. He lifted his hand up to scratch at his neck. "There's nothing really good on right now."   
"Well that might be a good thing because I wanted to ask if you'd accompany me to the mall."   
Ian frowned and slumped his shoulders. "Are you planning to go to that magic shop again?"  
"You make it sound like a kid store or something," Barley laughs. "If anyone should be into it, it should be you. _You're_ the family wizard."   
"I know and it _is_ a cool shop, it's just that you go like every week."   
"They have new stuff every week! Plus I never hear you complain when I bring you back something awesome."   
"You do," Ian laughs and he reaches up to scratch his strangely itchy neck again. "You do bring me back cool stuff."  
"If you come along, I'll let you pick out three things you like." Barley laughs. He slowly brings his hand up and rubs his thumb against Ian's cheek. "That sound good?"  
Ian feels warm all over and his smile widens. "Yeah, that sounds gr-ah!"  
Barley Immediately pulls his hand back when Ian hisses. "W-What's wrong?"

As Ian was scratching his neck, he was wondering why he was so itchy, but he forgotten that the...wounds left on his neck had started to scab. Ian could feel the small amount of blood that was coming from a scab he just scratched off unconsciously. It was a sign that the marks were healing and he was glad about it, but he wasn't so sure if that was something Barley was going to want to see. Ian had been doing a great job at hiding all three bite marks the other elf had inflicted on him. It was hard at times because like he had said to Ian before, he was marking him places where others could see. The memory sent shivers down Ian's spine and he couldn't stop his fear of the moment from showing in his eyes when he finally looked back at his brother.

"It's...It's nothing, I just got cut." Ian lied still hiding his neck with his hand. "Let me just g-go get a band-aid and we'll-"  
"You're lying." Barley said bluntly, knowing Ian all too well.  
"N-No I'm not, I'm fine really I just..." Ian trailed off, knowing there was no use in lying anymore.   
Barley reached over to remove Ian's hand from his neck. He turned the younger elf's head to the side to get a better view of what was wrong and there he saw the tiny droplets of blood leaking from the mark. "Oh..."   
"Barley, it's alright." Ian told him. "It's nothing big, I swear."   
"...I'll be right back." Barley stood up front he couch and walked towards the kitchen. A million thoughts filled Ian's head but he didn't have a chance to focus on one of them before Barley came back holding a wet towel and some bandages. He sat back down and placed the towel against Ian's neck. The whole time as barley cleaned Ian's wound, the younger elf tried searching Barley's eyes for some sort of answer as to what he was feeling, but not once did Barley return his gaze. Once he was done, he held out the bandaids to Ian and stood up.  
"Thanks...where are you going?" Ian asked.   
"Just to my room, I actually forgot about some parts I gotta fix so we'll go to the mall another day okay?" Barley told him. He gave him a sad smile and ran his fingers through his hair once more before taking off, leaving Ian alone on the couch. 

  
The day had gone by way to slow for Ian's liking. Watching tv became boring, reading became dull, and watching people outside became a drag. The only thing Ian wanted to do, was hang out with Barley. He would've loved to gone to the mall like they had discussed. Ian could've found a way to really drag out the day and spend every minute he could with Barley. Who knows, he might've even been able to get a kiss or two from the older elf in the process. He wanted to show Barley that he loved being around him no matter what. There was just one problem:

Barley hadn't left his room all day. 

His door was unlocked and even open at a slant, but he just didn't come out unless it was to use the bathroom or to eat. This was behavior Ian could've sworn they got passed weeks ago, but like he mentioned he was afraid of earlier, it seemed Barley took a step back. He tried approaching his brother a couple of times throughout the day and each time, Barley had some sort of deflection ready for him.   
Ian would stop by, hoping to spend time with Barley but the older elf would either be looking through one of his magic books or messing with some part of a car or van he intended on fixing.   
"Can you see me about enchanted items?" Ian asked the first time he entered Barley's room. He had saw the older elf had a book open and he could only assume that that's what his brother was reading. Barley had never turned down Ian's interest in magic, in fact he became ecstatic whenever he was asked questions about it. _This_ had been the first when Barley contorted his face and frowned.   
"It's kinda hard stuff to really understand." the older elf had told him. "There's a whole process as to why and how certain items receive curses or charms put on them."  
"Then...could you tell me about simple ones?"   
"Maybe some other time, I gotta finish this chapter first or I'll forget everything." Barley awkwardly laughed it off.   
"Oh...okay."Ian frowned at his brother's reasoning but he nodded his head and made his way to the door.

Later, he wondered into Barley's room and saw him messing with a piece of metal Ian could've sworn he's seen in Guinevere before. Barley smiled at him as Ian first just watched him for a moment, but the minute Ian stepped too close, the older elf reacted.  
"What is that?" Ian asked.   
"Just some old part I planned to scrap if I can't find a use for it." He replied. "But this actually might take me a while to figure out so..."  
"That's okay, I don't mind watching."   
"I don't think I'll really be able to focus knowing I'm being watched." Barley laughed it off again, but this time Ian didn't find it so easily forgivable.   
"Hm." He furrowed his brows and walked out of Barley's room, doing his best to seem annoyed. Usually, Barley was able to pick up on it and spring into action, doing what he could to make Ian feel better. Sure, times were different now and not everything was going to be the same, but Ian couldn't help but feel ten times crappier when Barley hadn't asked him to stay, or even followed him.

He knew it was because of the marks. The minute the older elf saw them, it was like he was reminded of what he unconsciously did and it clearly spooked him. it freaked Ian out at times too. Once in a while he'd find himself staring at his reflection in the bathroom and his eyes would drift right to the bite marks. The first one ever placed one him was almost healed and the second one was getting there, but that third was too recent to be fully unnoticeable. Ian tried not to stare at them for too long, otherwise unwelcome memories flood his head and he'd give himself a panic attack.   
He was sure the process was the same or at least similar for Barley as well. His brother saw what he had done and couldn't possibly imagine what it was like to cause Ian such pain and then mark that he was the one who did it. When Ian thought about it, it made sense Barley was avoiding him. Just seeing his neck might've triggered him. So, Ian was determined to find a way around it. He refused to let this go on until the marks were fully healed. This time he didn't consider himself being selfish, he just needed to make sure they weren't going to take anymore steps backwards.

It was late when Ian approached Barley's door once more. This time when he knocked, he made sure the hoodie he wore, that used to be Barley's, was high up enough to cover a majority of his neck. When Barley answered, he wasn't surprised to see Ian but he did seem a little thrown off by the fact the smaller elf was wearing his hoodie.   
"Hey," Barley greeted him. "Is...is that mine?"  
"Yeah" Ian told him. "I borrowed it."  
"...I haven't seen that one in like a month." Barley smirked and Ian shrugged.  
"I'm still borrowing it."  
"You can keep it."  
"And _that's_ what I wanted to hear." Ian smiled and Barley laughed.  
"You always get your way."  
"If that's true, can I talk to you for a minute?" Ian asked and he'd be a fool not to notice the tension in Barley's shoulders once he asked to speak with him.  
"Uh...it's kinda late," Barley told him. "Can it wait till to-"  
"It's _eight-thirty_." Ian protested.   
"That'sss...still pretty late?" Barley said. Ian groaned and didn't wait for permission before he slipped past his brother and entered his room. " _Ian_."   
"You've been avoiding me all day," Ian started. "You've been telling me _no_ , all day. Did you really think I wasn't going to notice something was wrong?"  
Barley remained silent. He walked over to his desk and picked up some metal tool that Ian could only guess was used for repairing cars.   
"I know it's about the marks." Ian told him.  
"...Then you know no matter how much you hide them, they'll always be there." Barley said without turning to look at Ian.   
Ian moved to stand by Barley's side. "They won't always be here. They're healing a-and one only bled today because I picked at it, that's all. You believe me, don't you?"  
The other elf sighed and leaned back in his chair. "It's not that I don't bel-"  
"Look at me." Ian told him and Barley turned to face his brother.   
"It's not that I don't believe you, it's just...still so fucking scary to know my urges did _that_." Barley tells him before he runs his hands through his teeth. "You're not supposed to bleed, you're **never** supposed to feel pain from my hand. I did that to you, no matter how you put it I did that."   
"But it wasn't-"  
" **I** did it Ian," Barley said firmly. "It was my fucked up feelings that caused the blackouts and for...the other version of me to come out."

Ian remained silent for a moment and thought about it. In a way, Barley did have a point. From young Barley was aware of his abnormal emotions and kept them inside for years. Eventually they manifested into something stronger. Maybe if Barley had been honest with Ian, with their mom, or with _someone_ before, this other version of Barley wouldn't have been doing whatever he pleased. But at the same time, that's so much easier said than done. 

"...Trying to tell someone you have a crush on them is like, insanely hard." Ian tells him. "I can only imagine how terrifying it must be to try and tell someone in your family that you're in love with them."   
Barley looked up at Ian and the younger elf could see all of the elder's shame dancing in his eyes. Ian couldn't stop himself from reaching his hand out to place in Barley's. He felt unbelievably relieved when the older elf didn't push him away.   
"Barley, I'm not mad at you for keeping your secret a secret, I-I would've probably done the same thing. I don't fully understand yet why your feelings manifested and I can't say I'm fully over what happened because of it, but it happened and the only rightful thing we can do is move forward and try to figure it all out."   
"...What if what we're doing...causes him to come back?"   
"We don't know if that'll happen."   
"And if it does?"  
"If it does we'll handle it when we get there but Barley I wanna focus on what you feel right _now_." Ian tilts his head so he can see into his brother's eyes. "Do I make it clear that I'm genuinely okay with helping you with your feelings?"  
"Yeah, you do."   
"And...am I doing a good job at it?" Ian asked kind of nervous for the answer. When Barley's eyes widened and he squeezes Ian's hand in his own, the younger elf feels instantly praised.   
"Y-You're amazing, I'm sorry if it's still weird to hear but this is one of the reasons I fell for you in the first place." Barley says clearly embarrassed. "I-I know...I'm gonna have to get over you sooner or later because you can't spend the rest of your life doing this for me, but I want you to know I'm really sorry and I'm working on it."  
Ian softly smiled, although he would've been fine with not knowing Barley was working on getting over him. "Okay. Now then, is there anything you want before I go to my room?"  
Instantly, Ian could see the shame turn to want in Barley's eyes. His heart speeds up when Barley leans closer to him and he feels the butterflies fly over his heart as Barley pulls Ian slightly closer by his chin and kisses him on his cheek. "You have a goodnight, okay?"  
"O-Okay," Ian agrees still feeling fuzzy. "Goodnight Barley."  
Ian smiles at his older brother and exits the room. His heart feels full but he knows it won't last for long. At night was when Ian was away from his real Barley and left in his nightmares was the one who had hurt him.

The next morning Ian woke up, he immediately thought about how Barley's theory of him helping could actually possibly be making things worse. It seemed weird to believe but Ian knew better than to rule it out. At the end of the day, until Ian fully knew what was the main root reason as to why Barley's feelings turned into something so ugly, anything was possible. For a slight moment, Ian considered ceasing anymore physical activity with Barley until he figured everything out, but for all he knew _that_ could make things worse and it seemed more likely to.   
Plus, Ian really felt the affection was helping. Besides yesterday, Barley seemed content with knowing Ian was going to help him throwout the process. Ian felt good about it, and everyday he wanted to make it clear to Barley that he felt good about it. He needed his brother to understand he was going to help him, and it didn't matter if it was forever because Barley had been helping him forever.   
It was almost time for Ian to go to school when he came down from his room and entered the kitchen, a place where he was slowly learning to become comfortable in. His heart filled with joy when the first person he saw was Barley, sitting on a stool over the counter of course. He had scarfed a spoonful of eggs in his mouth when he had noticed Ian. He turned and smiled wide.   
"Hey Ian!" He greeted with his mouth still full of food.   
"Uck, you're so gross." Ian told him and the brother chuckled before returning to his food. "Where's mom?"  
"She left early, said she had errands to run."  
"Oh, okay well I'm off to school." Ian told his brother.   
"Alright, is it okay if I pick you up later?"  
"Yeah, I'd like that a lot." Ian told him.   
"Me too," Barley responded. "I'll see you after school."

  
Ian turned to walk out of the kitchen but stopped. He remembered the mental note he had told himself the previous night, that he was going to show Barley he felt good about helping him. He turned back around and walked towards his brother. "Hey, Barley?"  
"Yup? What's-" the older elf's voice is cut off when Ian turns his head and kisses him. Ian makes sure it lasts a little longer than there usual ones before he breaks it and licks his top lip. "Stop adding so much salt to ur eggs, you're gonna get high blood pressure...what?"  
Barley stares at his brother in disbelief. He begins to lean back, seeming to be frozen in time. Ian tilts his head in confusion but his confusion turns to worry when Barley leans back too much. Surely, the older elf falls off his stool and Ian panics.   
" _Barley_!" Ian tries grabbing him but misses. He runs to his brother's side and shakes his head at the older elf lying on the floor laughing. "Ugh, what am I gonna do with you?"  
"S-Sorry, you just...you just kissed me... _me_."   
"I-I know and I've been thinking a lot about what you said last night and..." Ian looks down at his hands and fiddles with his fingers. "I know you said you're working on getting over me, b-but I really don't mind how long that takes."

Barley doesn't say anything. He sits up and remains on the floor, just staring at Ian who's kneeled down on his side. Ian starts to worry that he's said something wrong, but Barley suddenly reaches his hand up to Ian carefully. His hand wraps around Ian's waist and though this wasn't apart of the permission agreement, Ian found himself okay with being softly pulled closer to Barley. Before he was able to process what was happening, Barley was kissing him and Ian melted. This kiss wasn't _anything_ like the others and it made the warm feeling in Ian's body skyrocket in temperature. He gripped the sides of his shirt and slide slightly closer to his brother. The whole time, he could only think about one thing.

THIS is what it was like to truly kiss Barley. 

When his brother finally broke the kiss, Barley cleared his throat but didn't move away. "Sorry...I know that's not apart of the agreement."   
"N-No it's not, but it's okay." Ian told him and giggled at Barley's stupid wide grin. "It's okay, clumsy." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter coming soon.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a while, I made it a little long to compromise.

As much as he wanted it, as much as he _hoped_ for it, there were still moments when Ian would have to take a moment to sit back and consider if this was really happening; if all the talking, hanging out, goofing off, and just being genuinely comfortable was real. It left him baffled at times but the truth was,

Barley and Ian were really moving forward together.

Every morning, the first thing Ian would take note of was if he had a nightmare that night. Slowly but surely, they were becoming less frequent and not as strong. There were times when Ian could see where his dream was headed and if he didn't like it he'd just wake himself up, process the thought before processing reality, and then go back to sleep. As long as he saw the reality where Barley would never really hurt him and that his attacker wasn't really his brother, he could sleep at night. 

The second thing he noticed was how Barley smiled at him every morning. Before this whole situation happened, whenever Barley greeted him he'd always would be loud or full of excitement to see him and the smile on his face would be flashy and wide. Barley's finally gotten back to the point where he's no longer afraid to see hatred in Ian's face each morning. He smiles confidently at him, seeming to be aware that Ian could never really hate him. Nowadays, when Barley smiled it was different. The smile was still wide and Ian could sense the happiness coming off his brother's body whenever Ian came around, but now all of Barley's love and adoration shined in his eyes. It was so subtle, yet so clear for Ian to see and that was probably what Barley wanted. Ian assumed that this must've been all the love that Barley had to hide away for years. He looked as if he'd moved mountains for Ian, and as strange as it might've seemed Ian got a thrill from knowing it. 

The use of a _different_ type of affection continued and it actually became stronger. Barley slowly gained more confidence in asking for certain things and Ian was good at noticing when Barley was feeling the urge to ask. He didn't have to ask to be near him anymore, that was something Ian now wanted no matter what he was feeling because Barley made him feel better, the _real_ one did. A good amount of the time, Barley didn't really have to use his words; as they were talking, hanging out, relaxing, or whatever, Ian knew that there was a certain look Barley would get in his eye and it screamed that he wanted something. Sometimes Ian would bring it up knowing that Barley thought he was oblivious to it.

"Hey Ian," Barley had walked into the younger elf's room one day. "I'm gonna go run to the store real quick, you want anything?"  
Ian looked up from his book and shrugged. "No I think I'm okay, how long you'll be out."  
"Not long at all, maybe like half an hour." Barley smiled and his bros curled. "I'll be back soon."  
Ian smirked. "You're giving me that look again."  
"What look?" Barley said acting confused but immediately trying to adjust the amount of adoration shown in his face.   
"Come on, you know what I'm talking about there's no point in trying to deny it anymore." Ian chuckled but Barley refused to give in.  
"I-I don't know what you mean." He said, causing Ian to roll his eyes and stand. "I was just smiling to be nice, you know? Plus when do I ever not smile at-"  
Ian cut Barley off by planting a soft kiss on his lips. The elder's eyes widened before instantly closing. As Ian pulled away, a brighter smile was left on his brother's face, as if he had just been given the worlds best piece of chocolate. "There is a look." Ian told him before going back to his book. "Grab mom some bagels while you're out please?"  
"Sure no problem." Barley told him and turned to close the door behind him. "Anything for you."

As Barley said it, Ian was sure his brother didn't think Ian would hear it but he did, and it sent heat to his ears. As much as he tried not to think about it, Ian knew that happened a lot, where Barley would say or do something and it would just make Ian feel a thousand times better about himself. He still knew the whole situation was weird and surely they'd be judged by many if Ian or Barley ever told anyone what was happening. Ian wished it didn't have to be that way, and he did wish a lot could've went down differently, but he was just working on being grateful. He was grateful that his attacker wasn't really Barley, he was grateful that he was genuinely receiving from all that had happened, he was grateful he was okay with Barley's confession, and he was grateful he was the one in control of whatever he wanted to happen next. It was still so clear that Barley had given Ian all the power, that even their mother took notice.  
"Barley's been really gentle lately, especially whenever he's around you!" She laughed one day as she was making lunch. "It's like he's afraid to set off a bomb in you or something."  
Ian forced a chuckled, knowing his mother's joke held way more truth than she realized. "Yeah, I-I'm sure he's just hasn't been in the mood to play how he used to."

Ian wasn't sure if his statement was fully true or not, all he knew was he was beyond glad Barley gave him full control in their situations. Ian didn't mind kissing Barley or allowing the large elf to hold him. The more he did, the more Ian was slowly becoming used to something he shouldn't but he couldn't help it; being in charge _and_ Barley's sweet touch felt too good, much better to what was happening before.   
It was clear that Barley was just as grateful as Ian. He hadn't experienced any blackouts for the last three and a half weeks and it goes to show Ian's idea of continuing the affection was working. Ian still wasn't completely sure what was causing the blackouts in the first place. He felt the answer wasn't too far he just needed to think a little harder about it. He mostly thought about it when he was alone, but when he was with Barley he just tried to be in the moment with his brother, and he was beyond happy to do so seeing how there was a point he literally couldn't look at him. 

Ian hopped out the passenger side of Guinevere and waited for Barley to come to his side before they both walked to their home. They had just gotten back from Barley picking up Ian from school. Ian couldn't help but get a little excited whenever the last period of the day rolled around. knowing his brother was waiting for him outside. The ride backs always got better and better, since Barley would either inform Ian about how his coping progress was going, tell him how much he missed him and what he has planned for them that day, or just try to make Ian laugh all the way home like he used to. All actions Ian didn't mind and in fact was proud Barley was able to do. 

"Is there still jelly in the house?" Ian asked his brother. "I wanna make a sandwich."  
"Uuum, I think so?" Barley responded. "I kinda had the same idea."   
"Well you better hope there's enough for both of us because I called dibs first." Ian smirks and Barley chuckles.   
"That's not how that works!" He exclaims and Ian only laughs. As they enter their home, Ian heads straight for the kitchen, following right behind him was Barley. As he opened the fridge he scowled at the fact that he might've doomed himself with his statement from earlier because there really wasn't enough jelly left for both of them. To make matters more complicated, their mother had bought Barley's favorite brand of jelly.   
"Well won't you look at that, looks like you were right!" Barley says. "I guess you did call it fair and square so you get to take it."  
"No I feel weird doing that," Ian tells him. "Like you said we don't really call dibs on food."  
"That's alright Ian, I really don't mind."  
"But it's your favorite type of jelly." Ian protested.   
"Ian." Barley tilted his head giving his brother a look that questioned if Ian was going to keep insisting. As he should've known, Ian wasn't giving in.  
" _Barley_."  
"So how do you wanna do this then?" Barley asked and began marking off his fingers as he listed possible things they could do. "We could race for it, or flip a coin, or Rock Paper Scissors, no math or schoolwork stuff because that's not fair, we coouuld..."  
As his brother continued to list options, one he hadn't named popped up in Ian's mind. "Wrestle me for it." Ian told him.  
Barley stopped his count and looked at Ian confused. "Wrestle for it...really?"  
"Yeah," Ian said. "That's how we used to handle most of these conflicts."  
"Well yeah but I always win," Barley told him. "Plus, that usually requires some sort of...pinning."  
"I know." He responded. Ian had considered this, but it didn't change his mind. "Right before we stopped, I had started thinking of a ways to possibly win."  
"Huh." Barley thought it over for a moment before looking back at Ian. "You sure you can handle that?"  
Ian stepped away from the fridge and walked towards the living room. "Positive, let's go."

As they made their way into the living room, Ian could feel his heart beating through his chest and he wondered if it was loud enough for Barley to hear. He hadn't known where the idea come from, but he really was working on ways to win against Barley when they used to wrestle. It was a sport Barley always knew he'd win so he'd recommend it whenever he wanted Ian to do or say something that the younger elf was being too stubborn to do. He used it a lot when they were kids and Ian didn't want to floss in between his teeth because it felt weird. Barley would say they'd wrestle for it and no matter how confident Ian went in, he'd always get pinned and then have to floss while Barley watched, making sure his brother kept up his end of the deal.   
As they got older it caused Ian to think a lot about ways to win in such a sport. Barley was twice his size but Ian was sure he could find a way to make sure his size didn't matter. Finally, he had come up with a strategy that he felt could work but right around the same time, that was when IT happened and everything spiraled out of control. Now that they were somewhat back, Ian was willing to try his new move and was willing to see if he'd be truly okay wrestling with Barley. After all, it was all for fun. He just had to keep reminding himself that this was _his_ barley and he'd definitely stop if Ian asked him to.

The stood in the middle of the room and Ian immediately got himself ready. Barley, who clearly seemed a bit nervous, smirked at his brother. "You sure you wanna do this?"  
"What? Afraid of losing for the first time?"   
Barley got himself in position and narrowed his eyes, setting all his focus on Ian. "Let's see what you got then."

Sure enough, Barley made the first move. Like usual he reached for Ian, clearly hoping to trap him in his arms and hold tight so he'd have no choice but to give in. It was a classic move that Ian almost never is able to avoid but this time he dodged his older brother right in time. Ian spent a majority of the time doing that every time Barley would lunge for him. He knew his brother's skill set and if he wanted to win he had to keep it in mind. Most of this wasn't even about the winning for Ian. Even though he always lost, wrestling was clearly something Barley loved doing since he is such a hands on person. Ian just wanted him to know that it was okay for him to keep wanting it.   
"You gonna keep dodging me?" Barley asked in the middle of him reaching for Ian and missing. "I don't see how you intend on winning this way you know."  
"Just wait, I have something..." Ian told him as he tried his hardest to focus.   
For a majority of the time, he had been dodging left and right. He was slowly becoming tired and it caused him to get caught once. The moment Barley had him and pulled him in, Ian had to use his skinny frame to slip out of his brother's grip. He continued to maneuver around, hoping it wouldn't happen again and he'd find the opening he was looking for. Finally, as soon as Barley reached for him again Ian saw it, the chance he had been waiting for. He wrapped his arms around his brother's and lifted one of his legs. With quick force, he sweeps Barley off his feet and for the split moment the larger elf was in the air, Ian could see the pure shock on his face.   
"Woah!" Barley hit the ground and Ian wasted no time jumping on top of him and using both his hands and legs to pin Barley's arms down. He knew his brother was strong enough to throw him off with ease, it was all a question of would he do so or just let Ian have this one he so clearly deserved.   
"Give in, admit defeat right now!" Ian told him trying to apply pressure. "Do it! Admit that you lost!"   
A roar of laughter came from Barley before he settled on the ground. "I admit defeat."   
An electrifying shock of joy filled Ian's body as he through his fist in the air and laughed. "Yes! I-I won! I actually won!"   
"Yeah, you got me with that move." Barley admitted. "Seriously didn't see that coming from you."   
"I told you I could do it!" Ian exclaimed still super hyped up and excited.   
"You did." Barley told him. 

Ian chuckled and didn't move as he allowed his lungs to fill with air. As he caught his breath, he looked down at Barley and his heart skipped a beat. There was that look again, the one that practically screamed how much Barley wanted Ian, and the younger elf felt the fact that he was straddling his brother made the moment that much stronger. Ian couldn't help but wonder what was going through Barley's mind. He had a feeling it was something that had to do with affection and apart of Ian was becoming riled up knowing it. He took a moment to try and bring himself back down and remember that this wasn't about him and it was about Barley...but he got greedy. The look in Barley's eyes continued to draw him in and Ian couldn't believe he had the privilege of seeing it. 

"I'm...I'm gonna kiss you." Ian told him without much of a second thought. "Okay?"  
"Okay." Barley responded clearly way more eager.   
As Ian bent down to get closer, Barley immediately pressed his lips against Ian's. For the first time, Ian felt himself melt against Barley and not a single bad thought dared to cross his mind. They hadn't broken apart as Barley slowly sat up. The kisses usually didn't last thing long but that seemed to go over both their heads as they got deeper and deeper. Ian felt as if he could fly from the amount of power and control he felt. He peaked using one eye at Barley and when he saw the older elf's hands were gripping at the rug they sat on, he took his own and grabbed at them. He guided Barley's hands to rest on his hips and Barley took it as a sign that it was okay for him to touch Ian. He wrapped his arms around him and Ian wrapped his around Barley's neck.  
Once his brother licked at his bottom lip, Ian knew this was no longer just regular kissing. They were headed towards something else, and though Ian didn't fully know how to feel about it, he wanted to see how far he was going to be able to go. He parts his lips, granting Barley entrance. He felt the older elf groan as his tongue played with Ian's. Ian felt as if he couldn't breathe but in a good way and it only caused him to want more. He adjusted himself to be closer to Barley and the older elf did the same. His mind was going to mush and apart of him didn't care...

But then he felt something hard poke him, and his eyes shot open as the realization set in.

Ian pushed Barley back, causing the older elf to fall back on his back and for Ian to fall out of his lap. Barley sat up and they both took a moment to just breath. Ian remained silent as Barley looked up at him. He could see the adoration still hindering, but now there was a new element in Barley's eyes that reminded Ian of lust.   
"I'm sorry did I...did I go too far?" Barley asked panting.   
"N-No you didn't, it's cool." Ian told him. "I-I just felt your...friend poke me."   
Barley sat up straight as he did his best to hide his clear arousal. "Oh...s-sorry about that."   
"It's okay, really." Ian said. "I just wasn't expecting it."  
"Yeah...well, you won fair and square. I'll pick up more jelly later." Barley smiled before standing up. "I'm gonna go to my room for a bit."  
"What?" Ian asked feeling suddenly disappointed. "Why?"  
Barley stopped in his tracks. He scratched at the back of his head. "Uh, I don't think you're gonna like my answer."   
Ian stared at his brother, obviously confused but when he caught on his eyes widened. "Oh..."  
"Make your sandwich okay? I'll be back soon, I promise." Barley adjusted himself before opening his bedroom door.   
"O-Okay." Ian watched as Barley disappeared in his room. 

Ian could confidently say he definitely felt awkward about his approach to discovering Barley had gotten hard from them making out. The minute he felt it, the pleasure he had felt all through his body alerted him that this was a new level he was about to enter. His mission immediately became to stop that level from starting because it was something Ian doubted he could go through with right then and there. It didn't make him feel uncomfortable feeling it, it just reminded him that smaller steps were in order and what he had accomplished that day was more than enough. 

Like Barley had promised, he had emerged from his room and the first face he saw was Ian's who had finished his sandwich and was watching tv on the couch. Once Ian had invited him to watch with him Barley gladly took the opportunity and just like that everything felt safe again. They spent the remainder of the day together. Though the day was already pretty much coming to an end, they still had a couple of things left to do. For example, the first thing Ian did was hold up a light for Barley while he fixed a part in Guinevere. The entire time, Ian was half bored since his only job was to hold up the light, but he was also half fascinated that Barley even knew how to do something that looked so complicated. In the end, Ian recommended that Barley should fix the gas light next. There had been too many times they were stranded on the side of the road due to not knowing where they were on fuel. Barley had chuckled at a couple of the memories before agreeing with Ian that yes, the gas light was next.  
  
Later Ian showed Barley a book he found in his school's library. He took it out and promised for it to be back within three days, knowing it would only take Barley about a day and a half to finish it. It was a guide on how certain spells were made as well as history on the creation process. Ian had never heard Barley talk about exactly _how_ spells were made so he thought it was something the older elf might enjoy learning about. Sure enough, Barley was more than excited to read it.   
"How'd you find this?!" He spoke loud as if Ian weren't right next to him. "This is amazing! You really brought this back for me?"   
Ian had laughed at his brother's reaction and he knew he'd have to either persuade his school's librarian to allow him to have the book if no one else reads it or he'd have to buy another copy elsewhere and gift it to Barley for his collection. Ian spent about two hours listening to Barley explain what he's learned as he read the book. Ian simply sat back and listened to him, so glad that he and Barley were even able to do this. 

It was only when it became dark did Barley put the book to the side and decide to spend the rest of the night watching tv by Ian's side. They sat close and basically talked throughout the show they weren't really paying attention to in the first place. They had laughed, spoke on relatable topics, Barley poked fun at Ian and the younger elf was able to joke back without feeling the slightest bit annoyed or bothered. As the comforting feeling of the mood grew more and more, Barley had suddenly turned to Ian and his smile had suddenly died down. 

"Hey, um, I wanna tell you something." He said and just like that, anxiety filled every part of Ian's body. His mind immediately raised and he assumed the worse.   
"Um, o-okay." Ian pulled his legs up to his chest and held them as he stared at Barley. "What's up?"  
"I don't think..." Barley sat with a conflicting look on his face and it only made Ian internally panic more. "I don't think I ever said thank you."   
Ian tilted his head and furrowed his brows. "What do you mean, you've said thank you plenty of times."   
"No, I mean for everything. I know when...it first happened that must've really _really_ broke your heart. It would never be my intention to do that but somehow I did. Once you told me what was happening, I thought to myself that...this was it. You'd never look at me, think of me, trust me, _love_ me the same again. B-But you ended up being way stronger than me, just so sure that we could fix it. As much as it's me who usually comforts you, you just...Ian you really pulled me back from a dark place and though I really do think I don't deserve all that you've done for me, I'm so glad your hear with me now."  
Ian held his breath as he processed all that Barley had told him. "W-Wow. How long have you been holding that in?"  
"From the start, when you first kissed me." Barley admitted. "I just had to get it off my chest. I was afraid that if I didn't, it would eventually be too late."   
"Like how you were afraid to tell me you loved me..." Ian adds on and Barley nods.   
"Yeah...exactly."   
Without much of a second thought, Ian uncurled himself from his little ball and climbed into his brothers lap. He kissed Barley on his cheek. "You don't have to be afraid anymore Barley."  
"It...It sometimes feels like I do."   
Ian gives him a sad smile before resting his head on Barley's chest. "I'm positive you don't have to be. I'm right here Barley."  
"...yeah." Barley wraps his arms around Ian and rest his chin on his younger brothers head. "Yeah, you're right here."

Everything fell so smoothly into place it felt unreal. As Ian's eyes became heavier by the minute, he thought about his biggest goal of making sure he and Barley had gotten back to the way they were. He knew things wouldn't be _one hundred_ percent the way they were before and he figured most of the changes would most likely be painful ones, like his nightmares and back of the mind fears of Barley randomly switching, even when they do finally manage to figure out what was happening. He had never considered THIS as being apart of the changes, him being wrapped up in Barley's arms in a less brotherly type of way. Ian would be lying to say that he hated it; he'd be lying to say that he even minded it a little. The truth was he didn't mind one bit, and that realization stuck with him as he fell asleep. 

Ian groaned softly as his eyes squinted open. They were immediately drawn to the light of the tv and he instantly remembered that he was in the living room where he fell asleep. He didn't freak out when he felt something under him shift a bit because it wasn't a nightmare of being held down and reliving hell all over again that woke him up and he had successfully remembered talking with his brother right before he dozed off.   
Ian lifted his head to rest his lazy eyes on Barley. His brother, still sound asleep, had looked so peaceful and unbothered that it ensured Ian that everything was okay and that he could go back to sleep. He kissed Barley's cheek before nuzzling his head back into the older elf's chest. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as Ian closed his eyes and slightly moved his hips for more comfort. 

And not even five seconds later did Ian's eyes pop open when he felt something pressed against him.

He moved to sit up quick but came to a quick halt, realizing that that might actually wake Barley up. The older elf would be rattled up and only assume that something was wrong with Ian, and while he'd be asking him questions Ian would have to find a way to tell Barley that his dick poked him again. Ian was suddenly wide awake as he covered his mouth and slowly looked down at his own lap. He moved his legs slightly apart, just to see if what he was feeling was just apart of his imagination; that he was just tired and it was his brain messing with him.   
Sure enough, as Ian parted his legs and lifted them so his feet were off the ground, he was able to get a better view of the base of Barley's erection lying directly on Ian's ass. He felt his ears go hot and as shifted himself to sit a little further up so it wasn't in such an area. For some reason, his heart began beating two times faster and his palm felt sweaty.   
Ian's mind immediately went to wondering why he hadn't considered this sooner. Why would he not think that someone who was in _love_ with him wouldn't want to have intercourse at some point? He mentally kicked himself for it. Barley would probably never admit it, but deep down Ian now knew that Barley really did think about having sex with Ian. He believed him when the older elf first told him, but to see the evidence is something different. He was sure Barley had no control over it, seeing how he was still asleep. That must've only meant there was something going on in Barley's dreams and Ian wasn't sure if he could handle knowing about it.   
Ian felt his entire body go hot really quick. Even seeing it, it was hard to fully believe Barley was this much in love with him. He wondered what his brother's reaction would be if he woke up right now; would he be shocked or maybe disgusted with himself? Ian would have to calm his brother down, assuring him that it really was okay. He then wondered if Barley would let his excitement die down or would he go to his room and handle it?

  
Would...he have wanted Ian to handle it?

"U-Um..." Ian took one of his fingers and poked at Barley's shorts. The older elf didn't move but Ian gasped when he saw the print in Barley's shorts twitch. The fact that this was probably the most scariest thing he's ever had to do for so many reasons crossed his mind and Ian had to take a breath to calm himself down. He was sure he could do this; not because he had to, but he wanted to; just to see if he's really okay with doing it.   
"I-I can do this." Ian told himself and as he shifted his weight off Barley's chest slowly. He temporarily lifted himself up just so he could sit on his brother's lap facing him. He was glad he was quiet about it, otherwise barley would've woken up and this wasn't something he could do with Barley watching him. Ian looked down at his brother through his shorts. It still baffled him that he was the one that got Barley like this.

Ian stretched out his trembling fingers and brushed against Barley's hard on. He watched it twitch before he brushed his fingers over it again this time a little more handsy. He held his breath when he heard Barley groan and raise his hips. Ian stared at his brother's face, praying that Barley was still a heavy sleeper. When the older elf didn't wake up, Ian palmed his brother's dick and began rubbing. He bit at the inside of his lip as he felt Barley's throbs and pulses. He watched as Barley's face contorted and his nails dug slightly into the couch. Before Ian realized it, he was becoming a little more possessive and he had gotten hard in the process. A part of him wondered if he should feel gross by it but he didn't, because it felt so good to be in control.   
Ian pulled in closer to Barley. He moved close enough so that they were practically going to be glued together. Just like he wanted, Ian could feel Barley against him, and as he rubbed it felt better and better. Ian bit his lip and closed his eyes. "J-Just...just get h-him off." He told himself. "Don't b-be selfish."  
Ian heard another groan and assumed that it was just Barley feeling good in his dream because of what he was doing, but then he heard something that wasn't exactly a groan.   
"...I-Ian?"   
Ian froze in place as his eyes opened wide. He wasn't automatically looking the eyes of his brother with both of them being pressed together. Ian didn't know what to do and it showed; he was frozen still as if he'd been turned to stone. Barley looked over his face before looking down. His eyes widened before he hissed at the rush of pleasure that came with it. "Holy shit...I'm not dreaming..."  
"N-No, you're not." Ian said and immediately broke out of his statue like state. He began to back up from Barley in his own lap. "I-I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry-"  
"Woah Ian," Barley held Ian in place, even as he continued to try getting away. "You're gonna hurt yourself if you fall."  
"I'm sorry, I-I just got really greedy and I just...ugh I should've known better to-"  
"Wait, wait..." Barley cut Ian off from his sentence. "You got greedy? What does that mean?"  
Ian could've sworn his face couldn't of gotten any warmer but he was wrong. He was sure his face was purple by now. "N-Nothing, n-nevermind! I just...I woke up and saw you were hard again, a-and I figured I could...I just wanna be prepared to do these things when you want me to."  
"Ian...Ian, Ian, Ian," Barley cooed as he pulled Ian close to him again. He pushed a curl out of his brother's face before smiling. "You call the shots. All I can do is ask, and if you say you can't, then I'll wait for you."   
Ian felt tears form on the brim of his eyelids and he quickly went to wipe them away. "Really?"  
"Of course." Barley shrugs before looking down between them again. "This was... _very_ generous."   
"Y-Yeah..." Ian looks down between them as well and he notices that they're not much of an inch apart. Ian hadn't moved, and neither did Barley and it made the younger wonder what was going through Barley's mind.   
"Hey um..d-do you think..." Barley started but was having a hard time getting out what he wanted to say. "Please tell me no if you want b-but..would you be okay if..."  
"You wanna finish?" Ian asked him sounding just a little more excited than he wanted to seem.  
"Y-Yeah...exactly that." Barley said. 

The younger elf looked back down in between them. He took a breathe before slowly closing the small gap. Once pressed together, Barley groans and Ian bites his lip to keep him from doing the same. He closes his eyes as he thrusts his hips into Barley's who meets him halfway. As good as it felt he was absolutely terrified to open his eyes. He'd become weak if he saw how shamelessly his body moved or he'd be filled with embarrassment if he made eye contact with Barley. Soon enough, Ian was the one who became more aggressive and rubbed faster.   
"Ian." Barley said his name and the younger elf found himself startled. He looked up with heavy-lidded eyes and a violet blush across his face. Barley reached his hand up and brushed around Ian's lips with his thumb. "God I don't fucking deserve you, can I kiss you?"  
Ian leaned in closer to Barley, fully on board. "Y-Yeah. Kiss me."  
And so Barley did what he was asked to do. He couldn't help but wrap his arms around Ian and pull him impossibly closer causing the younger elf to come and Barley followed shortly after. Ian slumped again Barley and took deep breaths. He listened to the sound of Barley's heart slowly coming down off it's high and as he did a million thoughts filled his head. However, there was one that stuck with Ian and the more he thought about it the more he felt good.   
Ian chuckled to himself and Barley stiffened under him, unsure if he did something wrong. When the younger elf finally sits up, Barley gives him a confused look. "What's so funny?"  
"I...I did it." Ian said as a wide smile formed over his face."I actually did it. I didn't think I would ever get to feel this good again but I did; I do!"  
Barley smiled at Ian and brushed his cheek with his thumb. "I'm happy for you Ian."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update coming soon.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you believe that I actually wrote 95% of this chapter days ago and had to restart because I accidentally deleted everything?

When Ian woke up in the morning, he genuinely felt grateful to be alive. He was glad he didn't feel so disturbed or ashamed anymore, and he was glad that he had taken the steps to get to this point. He was content with the way the days went by because recently they've only gotten better and better. Ian would be lying if he said he never thought about the horrible past actions his brother had unintentionally committed. They were still there in the back of his mind, but just not as strong and now whenever they made their way to the front he was able to push them back to their place. 

Ian was sure Barley was on the same page as him. The smaller elf was noticing how his brother was revolving back to his old ways of being clingy and pampering. Besides the fact that there were days Barley never left Ian's side, he started leaving gifts around for Ian as well. The first time one popped up, Ian was slightly confused but thrilled by the memory of when Barley used to do it all the time. When the second popped up on his bed the following week, he was filled with excitement, because this meant Barley most likely intended to keep doing it. Ian knew his brother loved giving Ian gifts, mainly for his reactions, and Ian didn't mind receiving them, just as long Barley didn't spend too much on him. The gifts were usually things that Barley knew they both shared interest in or items Barley had a feeling his brother would like and he was always right.   
There was also the physical contact that intensified. Though Barley still did use his words, Ian was now perfectly capable of allowing Barley to hold or kiss him at anytime. Obviously they wouldn't do it in public or in front of their mother, but behind closed doors Ian was okay with Barley wrapping his arms around him and planting kisses wherever he could land them. The marks the _other_ Barley had left had healed up and were gone so there was no longer a need for Ian's Barley to feel uncomfortable around the smaller elf's neck. He never pulled at him, knowing pulling was still a giant indicator of a switch, so whenever he wanted him closer he'd either extend his hand to him to lightly tug at a piece of clothing on Ian. Ian was happy with either.   
There were times Ian actually found himself really wanting Barley to place his hands all over him. The shockwave of pleasure that travelled through his body whenever he got a chance to see how excited Barley had gotten just from kissing was like a high for him. It made him feel nervous in a good way and Barley reminded Ian through his movements that Ian was still the boss. If he wanted everything to stop, it would all stop and if he wanted it to continue, they'd keep going. It drove Ian to want more and made him feel confident enough to make sure it happened. He had become bolder with his choices, including the ones that told him it was perfectly fine to play his hands in his brother pants whenever he felt the want to make Barley yearn for him. That was probably his favorite part of it all; as selfish as it was he'd sometimes spend a little time teasing and playing with Barley just so he could hear the older elf's groans of disbelief and pleasure. 

Ian wasn't sure if he'd been this power hungry or less submissive if his version of life trauma had been different, but he didn't really regret how he was now.

Besides those moments, after school pick-ups were Ian's favorite part of the day. He had gone from getting rides home once in a while because sometimes he did feel Barley had been too much, to not receiving rides at all since he was afraid of his brother, to receiving them every single day he went and got out of school. It was the part of knowing they'd spend the rest of the day together that really made Ian squirm in his seat during the last period. Like stated, the days only got better and better. Ian was always curious as to how it'd get even better today.   
It also turned out Barley found ways to keep himself busy while Ian was out at school during the day too. Besides buying gifts and working on pieces of Guinevere, Barley was making different types of household progress. One day after school, Ian had come home to see that the kitchen table...was gone. 

"Where is it?" Ian asked his mother as movers lifted the new table into the kitchen. "What happened that you wanted to get rid of it?"  
"Oh it's just gonna be taken to a junkyard." Laurel told him. "I was gonna possibly donate it or maybe sell it to a pawn shop, but Barley said it wasn't something I should give away, too much damage done."  
Ian looked at his brother would looked back at him with a sense of shame hidden in his eyes. "I just thought it was time...for it to go."  
"What's the matter sweetie did you want to keep it?" Laurel asks Ian and the younger elf shakes his head.   
"N-No, it's okay that it's gone." Ian told her as he looked at the new oak table in their kitchen. "Too much damage."

It was something Ian was glad Barley decided to get done. Now, when they ate at their new table, it didn't feel so off-putting and awkward at times. Barley had asked Ian if there was anything else he wanted him to do. From that question alone, Ian felt himself fall a little bit deeper for his brother. He had told him no and that everything he was currently doing was fine, but apart of Ian wanted to tell him more than that.   
Lately Ian has had the time to think about his own emotions and he still wasn't sure how he wanted to go about them. He still hadn't told Barley about how he's actually unconsciously liked him for years, and he wasn't sure how he was going to. Ian had plenty of moments where he was able to bring it up and he just hadn't because he had somehow convinced himself that it wasn't the right time. As of right now, Ian wasn't sure what Barley thought was going through his brothers mind with the whole brotherly love thing. he was basically leaving Barley in the dark,

And Ian questioned how long that could go on without there being so some sort of consequence.

The thought of a consequence first came to his mind after Barley had picked him up from school one day. The final bell had rung and Ian made his way out of the school building with his friends like he always did. He knows they've noticed a difference in his composure. After his first time being attacked, and he had hid away, his friends wanted to know why they hadn't seen him for so long and why he wasn't answering their calls. He told them he had just been super sick and of course they found it hard to believe. However, once he started showing up and engaging with them again, they took it upon themselves to stop asking him so many questions and just be glad he was alright and back. They all made sure he knew how happy they were to see him as his usual self and that if he needed anything he should really try talking to them. Ian was hands down grateful for his group fo friends and he was filled with joy they were happy with his safe return.   
Once they had exited the building, Ian's joy skyrocketed as he saw his brother leaning against Guinevere. Ian smiled wide and his friend, Sadalia, noticed.   
"Woah, what're you so excited about?" she asked him.  
"Barley's here for me." Ian said as he pointed to the van.   
Sadalia gave him a funny look as she smirked. "Yeah, but he always comes for you."  
"I know, I guess I didn't fully appreciate my rides with Barley until I lost them for some time, ya know?" He told her. "Anyways, I gotta go. I'll see you guys later!"  
Ian's friends waved goodbye to him as he walked off to meet Barley. Once the older elf spotted him coming, he walked up meeting Ian halfway before engulfing him in a bear hug.   
"Hey Ian!" Barley greeted him and his hug tightened as he lifted Ian off the ground.   
Ian could help but laugh and hug his brother back. "Hey Barley, I guess it's safe to say you missed me?"  
"Always," Barley admitted as he placed Ian down. "It's no fun reading about enchanted items or curses when you're not there to ask me about them."  
"Alright well let's go home so I can ask you about them." Ian smirked.   
"Sounds good." Barley responded and they both walked over to Guinevere. 

However, just before Ian could fully get into the van, he heard his name being called. "Ian!" He turned and saw his classmate Peter running towards him.   
"Oh, hey Pete!" Ian greeted before turning to Barley. "This'll only be a second."   
The older elf nodded as Ian turned to Peter. Once the other elf was in front of him, he held out a stack of papers which Ian immediately recognized as his lab work. His ears went hot from embarrassment as he took the forgotten papers from his classmates hand. "Geez, sorry Pete."  
"Don't worry about it," Peter laughs at Ian's timidness. "I actually had something I wanted to ask you anyway."   
"Yeah? What's up?"  
"Well that whole science experiment thing is coming up and I was wondering if you'd like to be my partner. Maybe we can come up with an idea over something to eat, my treat?" He asked and Ian felt his heart skip a beat, just as shocked as he was.   
"Oh, uhh..." Ian didn't exactly know what to say and in this moment he felt uncomfortable and antsy. He thought Peter was a great guy and he wasn't worried about him, but his focus was more on Barley, who was only a couple feet away. Ian wondered if Pete's question was audible to the older elf and before he could find out he answered him. "I-I'm actually working with Sadalia already. Also, I don't think I'm really looking to date right now; I'm sorry Pete."   
Peter snapped his fingers. "Dang, I knew it'd be too good to be true. Well, don't be sorry. These things take time, just let me know if you ever change your mind." He said before waving goodbye and running back towards his own group of friends.   
With that, Ian hopped back into Guinevere and looked over at Barley. "Hey!"  
"Hey." Barley's smile seemed weary.   
"Let's go home?"  
"Yup." Barley said. "Let's go home."

Barley had put the van in drive and as he pulled off from the school he looked out the window. Barley had asked him how school was and Ian told him exactly how he felt. He explained how the day was calm and simple and nothing major happened, but as Ian spoke he noticed a shift in Barley's demeanor. It wasn't an alarming shift, but it was enough to leave Ian wondering what was going on in Barley's mind.   
"Barley?" Ian called out to his brother. When the older hadn't answered, it only confirmed that he was elsewhere mentally so Ian called to him again. " _Barley_."   
This time the older elf snapped out of his thoughts and looked over to his brother. "I-I'm sorry, what?"  
"What's wrong?" Ian asked him.   
Barley shook his head and didn't turn to look at Ian. "Nothing, I'm fine."   
Ian frowned. "Pull over."   
"What?"  
"Pull _over_." Ian repeated himself and pointed to a spot on the side of the road. Barley hesitated but did what he was asked. It seemed as if he knew exactly what was coming next. "Barley...by any chance did you hear what my classmate said back there?"   
"Y-Yeah," Barley admitted. "Yeah, I did."  
"And, is that what you're thinking about?"  
"...Kinda."   
"Barley."   
"I-I know," His brother tells him. "I know, it's just hard not to think about it sometimes. Eventually someone else will ask again, someone you might like and well...sometimes I just wonder how long do I have until you get into an actual healthy relationship with someone."  
"That's what you're thinking about?" Ian asked and he sighed once his brother nodded full of guilt. 

Ian understood exactly why Barley was upset in this moment. He was sure anyone would feel crappy too if they had to listen to someone hit on the one they love and not be able to do anything about it. It definitely was a sucky feeling, and Ian wanted to reassure Barley that he had nothing to worry about. He got that feeling all over again that _this_ right here was the perfect time to tell Barley how he felt about him; about the feelings he's had for years and wasn't even aware of it. Ian had it slayed out perfectly how he'd say it too; he was a planner after all. But there was just something in Ian that was telling him he shouldn't do it. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was but he felt compelled to just wait. It was a sticky situation they were already in, and Ian didn't know if his confession would make it worse or better. He would've liked to hope better, but as proven countless of times life doesn't go how you always plan for it to go.  
As worried as Ian was about what Barley was thinking, he was more concerned about how deep he was going into it. The last thing Ian wanted was for Barley to really get into his head and assume the worst, because when he assumed the worst...the worst version of himself comes out to take it out on Ian. The smaller elf shivered at the thought of the other Barley's sharp eyes locking on and never looking away. Ian put his thoughts on his confession to the side because with or without it, he needed Barley to be aware of the possible consequences of him thinking too long on such things. 

"Barley, I can understand why you're worried, but I swear to you my answer to Peter was genuine; I really don't plan on dating anytime soon. I'm fine with just being by your side." Ian told him. "You shouldn't think about those things."  
"I know, you're completely right."  
"You do know why though, right? You...remember what happens when you think too deep into these things?" Ian hinted at the terrible truth, and it seemed Barley immediately understood.   
He turned to Ian with wide eyes and his knuckles tightened around the wheel. "I **won't** let that happen. I won't...I'm done hurting you Ian."   
Ian shifts himself in his seat so he's able to get closer and remove Barley's hands from the steering wheel. He places one of them in his own and he smiles softly at his brother. "I'm not afraid of you anymore Barley, and I know it isn't your fault. I just need you to focus on right now. We're doing pretty good, no? It'll only get better, I'm sure of it. Okay?"  
"...Yeah. Yeah, okay." Barley, said and a soft smile found its way to his face. "That makes sense."  
"Great," Ian leans over and kisses Ian on his cheek. "Now let's go home."  
"You're the best." Barley told him as he pulled out of the spot and drove home. 

  
As promised, Barley had gotten both of them to the house safely. Before that, Ian spent the rest of the ride asking Barley about his day and what he had done. When he found out Barley had completed everything he wanted to except for fixing the gas light, Ian decided everything else could be put on a temporary pause so that they could get that fixed; Ian knew Barley was stalling when it came to fixing it because it wasn't as easy as the rest of the van for him.   
Either way, it had to get done. They spent around two hours figuring out how to fix it--well, Barley spent two hours fixing it while Ian handed him the tools he requested. What got Barley throughout the exhausting experience was the humorous fact that Ian honestly didn't know half of the tools Barley had asked him for. He'd Make faces at certain names and while Ian dug through Barley's bag full of parts, Barley would watch him knowing he'd most likely get it wrong. One a number of occasions, Ian would have to swat Barley for laughing and remind him that it was basically getting fixed because of him. Once finished, both of them had gone inside, made themselves lunch, and collapsed on the couch too tired to do anything else.   
Shortly after it began to rain. Ian, surprisingly more tired than his brother, leaned against the older elf as he allowed the drowsiness to travel through his body. He didn't know if it was the rain or the heat coming off of Barley's body that made him feel so out of it but in the moment he didn't care; he was comfortable. They had been watching some movie Ian was sure they've seen before and slowly Ian was starting to drift off to sleep. He stayed up a moment more when his mother entered the room and picked up her car keys. 

"I'll be back!" She told them. "I forgot my bag at work. Honestly, I'd lose my head if it weren't attached to my body."  
"You want a ride?" Barley had asked her but she shook her head.   
"No, it's alright I won't be gone long." She said before smirking at her youngest son. "Besides, it seems Ian's way too comfortable to move."

Out of Ian came a half groan half chuckle response. He knew she was referring to the fact he was now lying basically all across Barley's body, even when he had all of the other half of the couch. Ian found the spot he chose much more comfortable, and with his head rested on Barley's lap, the older elf was able to run his fingers through Ian's curls. Ian didn't feel slightly embarrassed about being all over Barley in front of their mother. Maybe in front of his friends he'd act slightly different, but their mother has always known that both of her boys have always been close and it was rare were they actually weren't touching. Ian obviously wasn't going to tell her exactly how much closer they've gotten or about their new ways of "touching," but from the look on her face he could tell she was beyond happy with Ian's behavior and Barley's response to it. For her, this was the norm and that meant everything was alright in her world. Ian was filled with content seeing his mother smile, just like for them, the previous months had been extremely stressful and undeniably unforgettable, so it was great to see her making her way back from such a terrible point in time. 

Once she had gone, Ian realized he was once again alone with Barley. He wasn't afraid or even slightly alarmed, but he did jolt out of his sleep from the sound of thunder. He groaned to himself before repositioning himself in his brother's lap. In one ear, he could hear Barley chuckle.   
"No way you're still afraid of thunder." He said and Ian sucked his teeth.  
"I'm not afraid," Ian groaned. "It just woke me up."   
"Whatever you sayyy." Barley teased and Ian was immediately reminded of all his childhood memories where he ran to Barley's side whenever there was thunder.   
He sighed, remembering how Barley used to tease him then too, but he smile thinking about the one thing Barley always told him about his own fears. "You know why I'm no longer scared of thunder right?"  
Barley shrugged. "I guess you just grew out of it?"  
"Not exactly. I eventually realized I didn't have to fear thunder because you'd protect me from it since your number one fear used to be losing me." Ian told him.  
For a moment Barley was silent, but shortly after Ian felt Barley's thumb rub his cheek. "Used to be? Losing you will always be what keeps me up at night."  
Ian felt his chest grow warm as he nuzzled himself closer into his brother. "I'm right here."   
"Yeah...you're right here." Barley repeated as he continue to play with Ian's curls.   
Within no time, Ian drifted off to sleep. In that moment, he was sure not even a meteor would be allowed to wake him up because Barley would be right there to look after him. Ian's body melted against his brothers, and he slept for as long as he needed to.

Little did he know, it was great that he got his tiredness out of the way. He needed to be ready for what was to come next. 

By the time Ian did open his eyes, the sun was half set. He yawned and rubbed his eyes as he looked around the room. The first thing he noticed was that he was alone and if he recalled correctly, it wasn't like that when he took his nap.   
"Mom?" Ian called out. "Mooom!"  
When there was no answer, Ian assumed that his mother hadn't come home yet. He immediately pulled his phone out from his back pocket and dialed her number. As the phone rung, he stood up and made his way over to the kitchen. When his mother did answer, she sounded bored.   
"Hey sweetie, what's up?" She asked.  
"Hey, I was just calling to see where you were," Ian told her as he grabbed a can of soda from the fridge. "I thought you were just going to get your bag, that was like an hour and a half ago."  
"I knooow, but I got stuck in the traffic on the way back." She groaned into the phone. "I'm real sorry, I'll be home soon to make dinner."   
"That's okay," Ian told her as he walked over to sit at the kitchen table. "I'm not starving or anything. I just wanted to-"  
"...hello?" Laurel called out from the other end of the phone and naturally she was right to do so seeing how it sounded like the call was cut off. But no, Ian was still there, he was just taken back by the scratches that were engraved in the new table. He bent down and observed them closer, confuse by them. "Hello? Ian?"  
"H-Hey sorry," Ian cleared his throat and finally responded. "I got distracted. Mom, were there always scratches on the edge of this table?"  
"What?! The new one?!"   
"I'll take that as a no," Ian said as he bent down to get a closer look at them. "Yeah there's like scratch marks on one end of the table, as if someone was slightly digging into it."   
"Ugh, it probably was Blazey not following directions and staying _off_ the furniture." Laurel concluded. "No treats for that dragon tonight."   
"Um..." As Ian listened to his mother, he couldn't help but doubt that this was the doing of their dragon. The scratches weren't like scraps, and Blazey's nails would've probably done more damage. However, he didn't exactly have an answer himself so he figured he'll point it out to her when she got home. "Alright, just take a look when you get in the house."  
"Okay, everything's okay over there?"  
"Yeah, everything's-"   
Ian jumped as he heard something tear nearby. He spun around and looked all around him but there was no one. Once again he hear a similar sound emerge from the silence, this time it came more from the living room area. Ian walked over and the closer he got the more he began to piece together that noises were actually coming from Barley's room. The younger elf cleared his throat, realizing he had paused in the middle of a sentence again. He quickly answered his mother before she could assume the worse.   
"Fine...everything's fine." He told her doing his best to sound convincing because as of right now, he was sure all was okay...right?  
"Alright good to hear." Laurel responded which meant she must've believed him. "You'll call me if you need anything right? I'll see you soon!"  
"Yeah of course, bye mom." Ian said before hanging up the phone. He placed his soda to the side before walking over to Barley's door. 

Come to think of it, it was weird that when he woke up Barley wasn't there. It wasn't so much about the fact that Barley moved but more about Barley not at least coming out to see if Ian was the one walking around the house. For all Barley knew there could be a stranger in the house, and Ian could still be sound asleep on the couch. Once in front, Ian knocked a couple times on his brother's door.   
"Barleyyy," Ian called out. "Mom said she's in traffic."   
There was no response from the older brother, but Ian could still hear movement on the other side. He knew knocking was always the safer bet, but Ian checked to see if Barley's door was unlocked and sure enough it was. He pushed the door open and took a small step to move inside.  
"Hey, did you hear me? Mom said she'll be-"  
For the third time in less than ten minutes, Ian was startled and confused only this time it was much worse. He gasped and felt his heart drop when he looked around the room and saw it basically torn to shreds. There were books everywhere, broken auto parts, ripped up papers, and torn to shreds pieces of clothing. As Ian's eyes darted around the room he was trying to process what had happened, when this had happened, and _how_ it had happened. Most importantly...where was Barley?   
A heavy groan could be heard from the other side of the room and Ian flinched as he followed the sound. There, sitting on the floor hidden behind his bed, was Barley. He was still and though Ian couldn't really see his brother from how he was seated and the dimmed lights he chose to sit in, he could tell something was off.   
"B-Barley?" Ian mumbled, suddenly feeling really nauseous. Ian figured his brother didn't hear him so with the little bit of courage he had at the moment, he chose to speak up. "Barley, it's me Ian. Are you...o-okay?"  
For a moment there was nothing, and then finally the older elf turned to look at Ian. Instantly, Ian covered his mouth with one hand and gripped at his stomach with his other. He was on the verge of throwing up, because he'd recognize those sharp unforgivable eyes anywhere, **especially** in his nightmares. Ian felt wobbly as he tried his best not to hurl. Though he was frozen in fear, Barley hadn't gotten up just yet or even said a word. They both were still, just staring into one another's eyes. In this moment, Ian blamed himself for being this afraid and unprepared. He became too comfortable, almost like he forgotten what Barley was dealing with, as if a few words here and there were really all that was needed to fix such a serious problem. Granted they helped, but Ian should've taken the possibility of this Barley coming back into more consideration. The guy had basically _told_ Ian he was coming back the last time he saw him.   
He felt so stupid; so dumb and that whatever was about to happen was all on him. Whether it was true or not, it was what his mind told him. However, in Ian's heart he was more sad than afraid. He was heartbroken that this monster had taken over the real Barley again and he was torn by the fact that he'd have to probably start all over again with him. No more hugs, no more kisses...and no more looks that screamed 'I love you.' Ian no longer felt the urge to throw up. Instead, tears brimmed his eyes and he could only say one thing at the moment. 

"Barley...please come back."   
Unexpectedly, the older elf's eyes widened before his hands balled into fist. "... **You**." 

Ian gasped and began stepping backwards as he watched his brother stand up. Ian wanted to run; he wanted to hide away, cry, and hope something will cause this Barley to stop...but how many times was he going to do that? How many times was he going to give this Barley a chase just to let him win? No more. Though still shaking Ian straightened up as he continued to back away from Barley.   
"What is it?" Ian asked, praying to get some sort of answer that'll help him. "What's wrong, why are you back?"  
"Stop playing **dumb**!" The older elf barked and this time Ian's nerves got the best of him.   
He quickly made his way around the couch to put a distance between them. When Barley went left, Ian went left; when the older elf realized what he was doing he went right. Ian quickly changed directions and shuffled right, just to make sure he and his brother remain in this dance that only got Barley riled up. " _Ian_." He growled.   
"D-Don't do this." Ian told him doing his best not to cry seeing Barley like this. "How many times must you break me before you let me know why you're doing this?!"  
"It's your fault!" Barley yelled and Ian was taken aback.   
"M-Me?"  
"You lie; you lie and lie and lie and that's all you do!" This Barley told him as he moved to get around the couch again. As Ian went the opposite way, this time he wasn't as careful and he gave the older elf the perfect opportunity to reach him. Ian yelped as his brother grabbed him by his collar and pulled him close so that he was on the same side of the couch. He made sure Ian was only centimeters from his face and it caused the younger elf to whimper seeing the anger in his brother's eyes. "I'll **never** allow myself to listen to your bullshit again."   
The older elf threw Ian down onto the floor. The blow had hurt, but Ian didn't have time to think about it. He turned around so that he was on his back and tried moving away from Barley. "I-I've never lied to you! I w-wouldn't do that and-"  
Before Ian could finish his brother's hand had grabbed him by his jaw and lifted him so he was seated upright with Barley directly over him. "The things you say to keep me away; the way you touch me, the way you talk to me, the way you _look_ at me as if I'm everything! You're so fucking cruel but you dare talk about me."   
"I-I don't know what you're talking about!" Ian shouted as he tried to fight back against Barley's slowly tightening painful grip. "I don't get it, I don't! Just tell me what's wrong!"  
" **Stop** crying! _You_ caused this." Barley tells him as he grabs his collar. "You feed that other sucker all that sweet bullshit, clouding his mind with false hope, just to keep me away?!"   
"W-What?" Ian asked through his sobs.   
"There's no way you'd ever love him back Ian! He may be gullible enough to believe it but I'm not! Don't you get why I do this?" The older elf shouted and Ian noticed the stress in his tone. "Being fucking in love with someone like you is hard! You can have anybody, but I just want you to myself! I _have_ to have you, whether you feed my head with lies or not, I **have** to **have** you!"

Ian went still and his eyes widened. Through the tears in his eyes, he looked up at his brother and for the first time ever, he got it. He understood what this was and why this version of Barley was doing this. Just as Ian figured earlier, his silence had consequences. 

"...you're still afraid." Ian spoke up and the other elf contorted his face.   
"What?"  
"You're...you're the part of Barley that has the desire for me." Ian says. "A g-group of thoughts that's developed a personality and your main purpose is to get what you want, w-which is...me."  
Ian felt his brother's grip loosen a bit, which meant he must've been right. "What're you talking about?" Barley growled.   
"Barley...you do this out of fear. You've convinced yourself that I'll never love you so it's this way...or no way at all." Ian felt his heart jump once his brother's grip tightens once again. It seemed the older elf didn't like what he was hearing. "B-But it's not true! You don't have to do-"  
" **Shut**. **Up**." Barley demanded and Ian yelped again as he pulled by his hair to lay back down on his back. "You have no idea what you're talking about."   
"All this time, have you really thought I've been lying?" Ian asked and he couldn't help but reach his hand up to touch his brother's face. "Have you really doubted me and my love for you that mu-ah!"   
The older elf grabbed Ian's wrist and pinned his arm above his head with a sharp yank. "There is no love for me!! I'm gonna make sure you never lie to me **again**."  
Ian's skin crawled as he heard Barley undo his zipper. He spoke again to avoid letting the panic sink in. "B-Barley, there's something I need to tell you; something I haven't been honest about!"  
"IAN." Barley growled as he tore at Ian's shirt, ripping it in half. Ian couldn't stop the fresh set of tears from falling down his face.   
"P-Please let me say it!!" Ian begged and his blood went cold as he watched Barley raised his free hand.   
"Ian, I'm WARNING you." Barley said as he balled his hand into a fist. " _ **SHUT IT**_." 

The panic was slowly starting to make its way up Ian's body. He looked at Barley's fist with wide eyes and he genuinely didn't know if he'd still be awake within the next minutes to find out what happened to him. Barley was going to punch him, and as scary as it was once again it tore Ian's heart in two seeing his brother like this. It wasn't him, and he knew if Barley had control of what he was doing, he would've allowed Ian to talk. Maybe he was still somewhere in there, _waiting_ for Ian to talk. Maybe he was still waiting for Ian to bring him back because that's what Ian promised he'd do; he promised to help Barley no matter what. With that in mind, Ian found it within himself to speak up, even if he's strike down for it.

"Barley, i-if you do this, I'm gonna be heartbroken. I'll hide away for days, cry my heart out, and go through nightmares all over again. I'll never ever be able to forget that you did this, just like I can never forget the other times...but Barley, I'm still going to look for you. I'm gonna want it to be you comforting me, I'll want it to be you holding my hand, and I'll want nothing more but to be by your side to figure what we do next because that's how it's always been, me and you. I'm sorry you have to go through this Barley, I really am; but I'm going to be right here waiting for you to come back because you really are everything to me." 

Ian didn't close his eyes or flinch from the possibility of being hit. Instead, he stared directly into the eyes of his brother; the sharp eyes that now looked so unsure. Barley's fist slowly started to open and he released his grip on Ian's collar. He remained where he was hovering directly over Ian, but now it was Barley who shook in his hands. He looked down at them and tried steadying himself by squeezing them into fist, but it didn't work.   
"I don't understand..." He said softly before lowering his head. "I-I don't understand...I don't deserve you and yet, you're still here. I...don't understand." 

Barley sat back, giving Ian the opportunity to sit up. The younger elf watched this version of his brother come to terms with Ian's words and for a moment he did nothing. Ian remained silent and watched as Barley seemed fall deep into thought. He would've gotten up and ran, but he no longer felt in danger. In fact, he felt far from it. He couldn't pinpoint when the switch had come, but the aura of this Barley in front of him was different. It somehow became clear that Barley didn't have the intention of hurting Ian anymore and Ian knew it the moment the older elf looked up at him. 

Ian also knew that this was no longer the aggressive Barley he had seen before nor was it his original. No...this one was someone Ian hadn't met yet.

Ian's eyes widened and he felt fear rush through his body once more. No this one clearly didn't have motive to hurt him, he looked too...torn up to do so, but it was still terrifying to discover there was ANOTHER personality living in Barley's body. He wondered if this one had always been there or did Ian say something to trigger it. Was this something he should bring up to Barley right away or maybe wait until things have settled? Either way he didn't have much time to decide before the new version of the older elf balled his hands into fist and placed them in his lap. 

"...How do you know?" He asked sorrily.  
Ian cleared his throat before speaking. "W-What?"  
"How do you know?" He repeats. "Why are you so sure you'll still want to be around me? How do you still trust me? How do I know you can really trust me? I don't even have my own emotions together, I'm so stupid. I-I'm not supposed to be this afraid but I'm terrified. It's all over if you begin to hate me, it's all gonna be my fault. It's-"  
"Barley." Ian cut him off before he could continue filling his mind with terrible doubt. As Ian listened to him speak, he was starting to really piece together who this was.

If there was Barley as a whole, and then Barley's desire, then this must've been Barley's fear; or at least whoever it was, was riddled with Barley's fear. 

Ian could see it in his eyes. Even as the his brother struggled to look at him, Ian could tell from his posture, small movements, and trembling hands that all of his worry and stress was revolving around Ian. This must've been the part of Barley that literally saw him as his world, and since he was unsure of everything, his world was crumbling. The younger elf could imagine what that feels like and he knew it must've been a terrible feeling.   
"I-I've done so many terrible things," he spoke up again. "I've ruined so much for us, so much for _you_."  
"B-But...but you've done many great things too," Ian told him as he allowed himself to shift slightly closer to his brother. "And you haven't ruined a thing for me."   
"You say that but I know it's not true. It can't be, how could you possibly forgive me?" Barley asked. "How could you possibly still lookout me this same?"  
Ian cautiously but quickly slid closer to Barley. He reached for his brothers hands and took them in his own. He rubbed his thumb over the back Barley's hand and smiled to himself, thinking about how dramatic Barley was when he played a character in his role playing game. "So, you can be dramatic emotionally too, huh?"  
"I'm not being dramatic, it's true."   
"No, no it's not." Ian leaned in and wrapped his arms around his brother. "You're just sad and scared by the fact that you did this. Your fear and doubts got the best of you. Barley I'm still right here."   
"But for how long?" He asked. "I-I don't deserve you. How long until you decide you're sick of me?"  
At this Ian found himself able to chuckle, even as tears fell from his face. "I won't ever get sick of you Barley, I'll be here forever."  
"How do you _know_?" The older elf asked again and Ian pulled back and took Barley's hands in his own again.   
"Because...I love you too." Ian told him. "The way you want me to, and the way I want to."   
"...I don't understand."   
"You understand, you just don't accept it." Ian said. "I should've told you a while ago, but I can't think of the past, I can only move forward. So...so can I talk to _my_ Barley, so I can tell him this?"  
"You...you love me?" Barley repeated completely frazzled. "I-I don't get it, Ian. I don't understand, please help me understand what you mean."  
"O-Okay, in order for me to do that I have to talk to my everyday Barley," Ian said doing his best to make this part of his brother understand. "Can I please see him? _Please_?"

The older elf looked puzzled with what Ian wanted from him. The younger elf waited, hoping that this Barley was much more rational than the aggressive one. He was clearly just made up of the lost and fearful parts of Barley, and though he was just scared, Ian was sure there was hope for him. He felt his hands became clammy as he continued to rub his thumb against Barley's skin while he waited for his request to be fulfilled. He didn't look away from the other elf, hoping his gaze would show just how much he wanted the switch to come. This Barley continued to avoid eye contact with Ian and it made the younger one worry.   
However, right as Ian was about to give up hope, he felt it. The change in demeanor felt too strong not to notice and Ian's eyes widened as he noticed the dullness in Barley's disappear. The older elf blinked a couple of times, before confusion fell over his face. He looked around and when his eyes landed on Ian, they widened with shock and horror, which Ian expected.   
"I-Ian?" Barley mumbled and he removed his hands from his brothers. Clear panic set in on Barley's face as he started to figure out what he had possibly done. "Ian?!"  
"B-Barley?!" Ian asked and reached to touch him. "Barley is...is that really you? Like _you_ you?"  
"W-What did I do?" Barley immediately asked sliding back from Ian, clearly still feeling he was dangerous. "What did I do? I'm so sorry, I-I can't-"

Ian took note of the sheer panic in his brother's face, but right now he was beyond filled with joy.

"BARLEY!" Ian shouted as he threw himself at the older elf. He landed in Barley's arms and when his brother fell back Ian wrapped his own around him and began to sob tears of mixed emotions. "Oh my god Barley, thank god! Y-You're back, I thought I wasn't going to be able to bring you back on my own! You're here, you're right here!"  
As Ian held his brother his body began to shake and his sobs became stronger, strong enough for his brother's worry to be put on hold as he comforted him. "Ian? What's...what's going on?"  
"I'm sorry," Ian cried and his his face in Barley's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry Barley I should've said it sooner. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I'm sorry."

Barley hadn't responded. Instead he allowed himself to cradle Ian in his lap and hold him until he felt he was ready to stop crying. There was no way Ian was going to be able to get his words together at the moment, so that meant later...they'd have a lot to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One final chapter coming up.


	16. Chapter 16

"You ready?"  
"Not exactly...are you?"  
"...not exactly. Let's just go."   
"Y-Yeah." 

A simple exchange between the brothers, but once Barley had asked Ian if he was ready his body shook with anxiety. Only a couple hours ago did he tell Barley that at some point they should have a conversation on yesterday's events. They decided they'd go for a drive when they have their talk because the cars driving, people walking, and fresh air might put them a little more at ease as they spoke. Also their mother had no intention to leave the house. When she finally came home from receiving her bag she noticed Ian had been a little different and Barley was walking on egg shells again. No matter how much they tried to convince her otherwise, she felt something had happened in her absence so she was determined not to miss a single thing today. Ian feared that meant when they talked she'd ease drop. It wasn't something she'd normally do but in these times it was understandable. 

Now the time has come. Barley had come to Ian's room to fetch him and as they both left the house they informed their mom they're going to meet some friends and they'll be back within an hour. They remained silent as they walked to the van, they remained silent getting into it, and there still was silence as they pulled off from their home. Ian occasionally glanced at his brother. His heart was beating out of control and the calm yet concerned look on Barley's face wasn't making him feel any better. He really wanted to know what was going through his head. Was he mad since Ian made him wait until the next day to find out what was happening? The older elf had begged Ian to tell him what had happened, what he had done or said to cause Ian to get like that, but Ian refused. 

"I-I don't know how to say it yet." Ian told him as he wiped his tears. "Do you...do you not remember anything when you have these switches?"  
"Stuff is fuzzy. It's like I can hear words but everything is muffled and I'm in some sort of dream." Barley told him. "But it's a living nightmare that you can't tell me what I did to you."   
"You didn't do anything this time, I'm fine. The other guy tried but..." Ian trailed off, remembering that there was actually _two_ other guys. "L-Look, I'm really sorry Barley but I have to get my thoughts together on this. Can we please talk about it tomorrow? _Please_?"   
The visual disappointment in Barley's face that he had failed at hiding made Ian feel that much worse, especially when the older elf sighed and nodded. "Okay...please let me know when you're ready." 

It would've been reasonable for Barley to be mad and Ian knew that. He had woken up to Ian beyond excited to see him and then all of a sudden he burst out into tears. It was all so confusing and Barley had a right to know what was going through Ian's mind and what Ian had saw but he still wasn't sure how he was going to tell him. His mind was set on just blurting it out and picking up the pieces along the way. He was sure there would be many, since Barley had no clue of the second personality living within him, he was sure he'd flip.   
Deep down Ian knew the longer he waited the worse it would get and the harder it'd be for Barley to accept it, so with all the courage he had left, which wasn't much, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

"Barley, I gotta tell you something." Ian said with his eyes remaining closed. He felt if he couldn't see his brother's reaction then he'd have no reason to hesitate or falter. "I gotta tell you a couple of things actually."   
"It's over...isn't it?"   
Ian couldn't stop himself from opening his eyes and looking at Barley regardless of his previous plan. "What?"  
"You want to tell me that it's over right, and you just weren't sure how?" Barley said and as he continued focusing on the street Ian could see the complete hurt and disappointment in his face. "I did something...I know I did. I did something that caused you to realize that you shouldn't be helping someone like me. I always ruin things for you, I've ruined this for myself too."   
Ian felt his chest tighten he couldn't exactly express what he was feeling just yet but it was getting stronger and quick. "W-Wait, _what_?"  
"I'm sorry...I knew this would happen one way or another. I'd find a way to drive you away or you'd just naturally grow tired of m-"  
" _Damn_ it Barley!" Ian suddenly shouted causing his brother to jump in shock. The younger elf ran his fingers through his hair rather aggressively and he realized he was doing it to calm his frustration down. He undid his seatbelt and rotated the passenger seat before pacing the back of Guinevere. "Why don't you listen to me?!"  
"W-What?! I thought we were get-"  
" **Pull over.** " Ian demanded and this time there was no hesitation. Barley immediately pulled over to the curb and undid his own belt. Ian took a deep breath before turning back to his brother. "Why do you keep saying things like that?!"  
"L-Like what?!" Barley asked as he made his way to the back.   
"Like that! What you _just_ said!" Ian told him. "I would eventually grow tired of you? You _knew_ this would happen? Barley you don't know _any_ of these things!"  
As the words came out of his mouth, Ian hated how much he sounded like the aggressive Barley. The one standing before him looked shocked by his outburst. "I-I'm sorry! I just thought that was where you were going because of how quiet you were being!"  
"You were being quiet too!"  
"I didn't know what to say!"  
Ian groaned in frustration before turning from Barley. He couldn't help but feel a deep sadness mixed in with his anger. "This is exactly what the other ones said too. Even after I _told_ them how I felt they still didn't believe me! That's just so...so..."   
"...Ian?" Barley spoke softly. "What do you mean 'other ones'?"

The younger elf's breath caught in his throat as he realized that Barley obviously heard what he said. It seemed Ian forgot what they were mainly there for and he took a breather to calm himself down. It was just so frustrating to hear Barley say such ridiculous things about Ian losing interest or considering him a burden. However, Ian had to remember, he's partially to blame. Barley wasn't as connected to the other versions of himself as they were to him, so the main Barley didn't remember hearing how Ian feels about him because he told it to the sad one. 

"Barley," Ian sighed and faced the older elf once more. "There's another personality living within you."   
"...Wait..." Barley looked confused. He heard Ian clearly, but he still wore a face as if he misheard everything. "Wait, wait...huh?"  
"I...I met him yesterday, right after the _other_ one tried...taking what he wanted again."  
Ian's heart began to race as he saw the panic wash over Barley's face. The older elf sat down on the floor of the vehicle and his eyes darted around madly, as if he was looking for answers, answers he'd never find. Ian immediately kneeled down in front of him and rested his hands on his knees, hoping to calm Barley down who was now struggling to breathe. "Barley! Barley it's okay, it's alright I'm fine. You're fine, we're okay!"  
"NO, it's not okay!" Barley exclaimed shocking Ian. "It's not okay, nothing is okay! I-I keep getting worse! I keep doing things I don't want to do! Why the fuck do I have this god forsaken disorder?! Why did I not tell someone from the start how I felt about you?! Maybe they could've helped, maybe they would've found a way to make it stop but I did NOTHING! I let it get like this; I let it consume me and now it's trying to consume you a-and I don't know how to make it stop. Ian...I-I'm scared, I'm actually scared...DAMN it!"   
Ian began to tremble as he watched Barley breakdown. He could feel Barley shake too under his fingertips and it made him feel like absolute garbage that he waited this long to tell Barley about the other personality. He was so caught up in himself he hadn't fully considered how bad this might take a toll on Barley. He wanted nothing more for his brother to feel better, for him to understand that it really wasn't all his fault, and to see that Ian wasn't going anywhere. 

"Barley...I have more to tell you." Ian said and he knew his brother immediately assumed the worse from the way his hands balled into fist and he lowered his head in shame. Tears fell from his eyes as he braced himself for whatever bad news Ian was about to bring to him. "I actually spoke with both of the other two and as I was talking with them I realized...that they're just doing what they think is right."  
"I don't understand what you mean." Barley told him without looking up.  
"The aggressive one, the one that...does the act; he's angry. He's angry with the fact that his feelings were surpassed and he acts out of anger and passion for what he wants but feels he can never really have." Ian tells him. "The other one, he was the most heartbroken version of yourself I've ever seen and it was clear, that he was just scared. He was so scared of me just walking out of his life one day and never turning back."  
Barley slowly opened his eyes and lifted his head. He looked at Ian and it seemed they both were thinking the same thing. "They're...me. Not completely different people, b-but just exaggerated versions of me."   
Ian nodded. "Exactly."   
"I-I would never...I would never do what they do though." Barley insist and Ian understands.   
"I know...he's just really angry and doesn't really know how to behave with his desire, like how the other one doesn't know assuming the worse is only making him much more upset...it's only making _you_ more upset."   
"But Ian...it's so **_hard_** not to think that way." Barley tells him. "It's so painfully hard."   
"I-I think...that's because I haven't said what I really need to say." Ian took a deep breath before he shifted closer to his brother. "Barley, your feelings for me...aren't so much a one way feeling. I don't think they've ever been."  
Barley contorted his face. "What do you mean?"  
"Barley you know what I mean, I know you do you're just struggling to accept." Ian said, just as he told the other. Not to his surprise, Barley shook his head still finding it hard to believe.   
"No...no, that doesn't make sense."  
"I'm sorry it took me so long to say something," Ian continued to push on, because he was going to make his brother believe. "I-I wasn't really aware of it myself but once I was I should've said something. I should've told you how I felt so that you'd be able to find peace with yourself."  
"Ian don't do this," Barley shook his head. "You don't have to tell me this."   
Barley placed his hands on Ian's shoulders and attempted to push him back, but Ian pushed them away and moved in closer to Barley. "Don't reject me! I'm telling you how I feel for a reason; I want you to be able to understand that when I say I'm not going anywhere I really mean it and it's not because I need a lie that'll keep you sane, I tell you it because I mean it! I tell you because I could never lie to you!"  
"Ian stop!" Barley lowered his head and covered his face with his hands. "You're just giving me false hope, you don't have to do this!"  
"This isn't false hope! I'm serious Barley!" Ian grabbed one of his brother's hands and held it over his heart. "You see? I was freaking out about telling you this, why would I freak out about a lie?! I-I know it seems odd but it's true!"   
"But it doesn't make sense!"   
"A lot of this doesn't make sense, but I don't for it to as long as I have you." Ian told him and he closed the gap in between them. "Barley, don't reject me...I love you." 

Barley's eyes widened and he remained silent. Ian wiped the brim of his eyes, unaware that he had been tearing. He waited for some sort of reaction from Barley but his brother just stared down at him. Ian couldn't stop himself from leaning into Barley and lying on his chest. He listened to the older elf's heart beat and it seemed to be moving just as fast as his own. He nuzzled in closer, hoping that he didn't break Barley or the older elf was going to continue rejecting him; it hurt more than Ian thought it would.   
"You understand now why I wanted to help you? Why I _want_ to be by your side forever?" Ian asked. "Is this enough for you to listen to me when I say I'll never leave?"  
Barley remained silent for a couple more seconds before anything came out of him. "...you love me?"   
Ian looked up at him. "Yeah...yeah, I do."   
"In...in that way?"   
Ian gave a small chuckle before wrapping his arms around Barley's neck and resting his forehead on his. "Yes Barley, in that way, with all my heart."  
"How...how do you know?"   
As Barley asked the question he could hear both Barley's desire and fear versions speaking through him together. He looked deep into is brother's eyes, hoping all versions of him, including possible ones he hadn't met yet if they were there, could hear him. "Because even with all your flaws, _our_ flaws, I'm still right here. I really do love you for you."  
Barley remained silent and for a moment Ian was worried. "Barle-"

Before Ian could finish, Barley had entrapped him in a kiss that made his head spin. As Ian's eyes closed and his heart melted all over, he allowed Barley to deepen their kiss and crawl on top of him to do so. Ian felt no panic and he wasn't the slightest bit concerned about a switch because he could only feel _Barley_ kissing him, and it made him feel like everything from this point on would truly be alright.

  
Ian hadn't seen either of Barley's double personalities for some time. It's been a month and a half since Ian's confession and things had honestly just been just fine. There was only about three times in the beginning when Barley felt in doubt again, but they never lasted long before Ian's smile or his presence convinced him otherwise. Ian was beyond happy to see Barley content and rid of terror. He was sure his number one fear was losing Ian, but that was only natural just like Ian's biggest fear was losing Barley.   
Ian could confidently say that he enjoyed dating Barley. The older elf was twice as fun, twice as affectionate, and all around just the best boyfriend ever. Sometimes Ian found himself wishing that he and Barley were never related so that he could express his love for his brother freely, but then he had to consider that he would've never had the childhood he did without Barley, and who's to say Barley would've been born in the same area; he could've been miles away unaware of Ian's existence.   
Ian focused on the now and he never failed to expressed to Barley how much he loved him and how he was so glad they got to spend every single day together. Their mother noticed how affectionate they were and all her worry disappeared; she naturally assumed they were the best of friends again and though they were and more, Ian deiced to leave it at that. His friends also began noticing how much more outgoing and excited Ian was whenever Barley was around...so they started inviting _both_ of them to hang out. Ian remembers the shock that went through him the first time Sadalia asked him to bring Barley to a game night she was hosting.  
"Really?" He asked her. "It's alright for him to come?"  
"Yeah! He seems to make you really happy, almost like your fun side comes out more when he's around." She said and Ian did his best to hide his blush. "He seems like a cool guy so the rest of us would love to hang out with both of you."   
Barley was thrilled with the invite and had no problem hanging out with Ian's friends, mostly because it was what Ian wanted too. He was proud to show off Barley to them and when that first night went super well, Ian's friends had told him to bring Barley to more game nights. Ian brought the older elf everywhere; it was rare Barley wasn't by his side. Barley clearly loved it as well; whenever Ian was going anywhere, he'd always ask if the younger elf needed a ride or just company and almost always the answer was yes. Ian continued to find more and more gifts left around for him and he started leaving Barley gifts too. Most of the time, it was magic stuff, since he didn't really know much about auto parts or even where to get the right ones. Either way, Barley was always surprised and ecstatic about whatever Ian bought for him and he loved his reactions. 

Sometimes they'd go for long drives. They didn't have a destination, they just went wherever Guinevere ended up taking them. Usually Ian took that time to think about all that they've been through. He's come a long way from being full with fear to understanding that time, trust, and love was the answer. Sometimes he'd glance at Barley and wonder if the other personalities were still there, waiting for their chance to come back out. Ian didn't really fear this possibility as much as he used to; he knew how to send them back and draw in his real Barley and it was a great feeling knowing that Ian knew how to help make them realize what they're doing. He found it in himself to forgive the aggressive Barley and he hoped he really wouldn't see him again, but if he did he'd let him know he was forgiven. 

Forgiving felt so good to Ian, and as he looked over to his brother who was already watching him with eyes full of adoration, he knew no matter what bad came their way Ian and Barley would find their way to get by it all, right by each others sides. Their love was gonna grow stronger than any magic spell in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and all the great comments. As challenging as this one was to write for me, I enjoyed every minute of it and I'll be back with more. Thanks again! ❤️


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